Chapter Three

            Lina wasn’t sure when or how she had gotten into her bed overnight, and she was more or less unconcerned about the means by which she got in there. Instead, what shocked her most was not the fact that Xelloss could still be found at the window in the morning but the fact that she felt perfectly comfortable with him being there with her. It was oddly heartwarming to see him lounging on the windowsill, observing daily human life below in the streets as a simple bystander, but he quickly noticed that she woke up and turned to greet her with a cheery, “Good morning, Lina-san.”

            “Good morning,” she replied sleepily as she rose in bed, patting away a yawn while she stretched the stiffness out of her limbs. She tossed her feet over the edge of the bed and got up to take care of her regular morning routine, noting how unpleasantly cold the wooden boards felt against her bare feet. The sun was a deceptive little thing; though it felt pleasantly warm to bathe in its light, it didn’t quite wash away the coldness of the approaching winter season.

            Xelloss continued to sit quietly as Lina poured water into a bowl and rinsed her face. She couldn’t keep from glancing in his direction every couple of seconds, wondering what he was thinking about at that exact moment--wondering why he seemed to have that brooding look that Zelgadiss used to always wear. Though Xelloss was never the overly talkative type, she nevertheless felt an unshakable, unsettling feeling because of his silence. She couldn’t figure out why he still stayed around--why he hadn’t returned to his duties as a mazoku. There was this uneasy thought she kept having that she was falling into a trap--whatever it was--but so far he was being really careful about keeping his goal a secret. There was still that unresolved issue regarding the war. Though, the only way she could become involved was if he was there to make her involved. If that was the case, he was wasting precious time just languidly following her around, so that possibility was also unlikely. But what if his orders were something else? Was there something larger going on that she was unaware of?

            Lina stepped into the bathroom momentarily to slip into her usual garments. She was adjusting her gloves when she stepped back out, but she paused when she found Xelloss gazing at her with a question obviously on his mind. “What is it?” she asked, making a face.

            After scrutinizing her for a minute, Xelloss turned away and replied, “Nothing,” leaving Lina fairly confused. She tried to figure out what he could have been assessing her for, and felt around for things that might be missing. She even checked to see if the necklace was still around her neck, which it was. What could have caught his eye, then?

            The clouds hanging overhead seemed dark and ominous, Lina noted unhappily. It was clear that a storm was headed in their direction. She hoped it would just be a passing shower--she’d never been fond of being caught out in the rain. It was something she hoped to avoid.

            Xelloss eyed her out of the corner of his eye as she grumpily eyed the sky, wondering what it had in store for her. She was fiddling with something underneath her glove on her left hand, an action that he had begun to notice during the few days he had been traveling with her. He frowned. Something about it gave him a bad feeling; something about it felt like an obstacle in his plan, and he wanted to do something about it. If he had experience with the human desire for privacy and consideration, he might have just let it slide, but that was not the case. Anything that would stand in his way had to go--that’s just how things were.

            He suddenly took her hand, an action that somewhat surprised Lina. She gazed at him quizzically, wondering what his intentions were, and did not make a single movement as he pulled her glove off. He immediately found what he was looking for. “I thought so,” he said, casting a judgmental look at Lina as she averted her face in shame.

            Lina snatched her hand away and stuffed it angrily back into her glove. “Who gave you permission to do that?” she hissed angrily at him.

Xelloss threw his hands up before him defensively. “I was just curious, that’s all!” he protested in defense.

“Why would a mazoku like you care to know?” she spat before bitterly storming away. Xelloss quietly watched her as she ran from him, confused by what he was feeling. Something felt wrong, yes, but he didn’t know what. And by some unseen force, he felt compelled to chase after her. But he was a mazoku--what the hell was he thinking?

            As Lina strode around town, she constantly fingered the concealed trinket beneath her glove. It was just a simple ring--a band of silver metal--but to her it was her most priceless possession. And yet, as long as she held onto it, she would never be able to move forward from that moment in time when she received it. It was her frozen timepiece--the wedge between the gears that was left alone to rust over time. It symbolized the memories she shared with the person dearest to her…

            “Hey, Lina.”

            “What is it?”

            “Are you sure you want to throw this away?” he asked, holding up a small silver ring between his index finger and thumb so that he could gaze through the center of it. He rolled it back and forth, seemingly assessing it for value but unable to discern it on his own.

            “That’s not worth the trouble to barter,” Lina explained, packing the larger items into a brown bag. She didn’t even turn around to see what he was making a big deal out of, so she didn’t notice how he was eyeballing the size of the ring compared to the size of her finger. Consequently, the next move caught her by surprise.

            Gourry took her hand and slipped the ring, coincidentally, onto her ring finger as if he were making a proposal. Lina blushed furiously and went silent as her heart raced in anticipation, waiting to hear what he had to say, but again he let her down. “I thought it would fit,” he declared contentedly as he nodded like a child.

            She realized that he wasn’t going to say anything else when he turned around and went back to idling. Confused and a bit hurt, Lina suddenly became aware that Gourry had no idea what his gesture had meant--after all, he didn’t even know what a fiancée was. She giggled weakly and dropped her head, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. Just a moment ago she was so happy. It hurt to think that she had been stupid enough to think of something like that, and it hurt her more to know how excited she had been about it.

            When had she fallen so deeply and completely in love with him?

            Lina sat down on the edge of a water fountain and rolled the small, circular piece of silver between her fingers. It wasn’t as brilliant as it had been six years ago when they first found it, but it still had a piece of the magic left. Even if Gourry didn’t think anything of it, she still remembered it as the happiest moment of her life. He was irreplaceable.

            Or, at least, he was irreplaceable as long as she held onto these old memories like this. Maybe it’s finally time to move on, she thought. She knew it was, but as she thought of him she felt a warm, nostalgic feeling fill her bosom. One by one her fingers enclosed the ring in the palm of her hand, obscuring the fragment of her memory from view. She closed her eyes as if to make a wish, then let it fall out of her hands.

            Her eyes shot open as a clanging noise pervaded her ears. The ring had bounced against the edge of the fountain where she sat, sending it nearer to the drain. Her face went pale. Not yet, she thought as she hesitated, I’m not ready yet.

            In a humiliating display of desperation, she stepped into the fountain, sinking almost waist-deep into the water, and waded over to where the trinket sat, shining against the bed of gray stone. Relieved, she picked it up and slipped it back onto her finger, but then her smile faded. After all that had happened, it was clear--her love for him hadn’t waned; he still existed in the deepest corner of her heart.

            Though her heart stung limitlessly, Lina was less than stunned to know that she was still hopelessly in love with Gourry. She had been with him for so long, after all. It just didn’t feel right anymore without him by her side. But then, it wasn’t worth the pain she felt to think about him. What did she have to do to be able to forget about him? What would ease her pain?

            She waded over and sat down on the inner edge of the fountain, exhausted. Her feet remained suspended in the water, an image rippled by the illusion of the water’s surface. Rain began to fall from the sky, generating little waves on the surface of the water, distorting the image Lina saw of herself as she stared into her own reflection. The Lina she saw there wasn’t the Lina she knew--strong, confident, and beautiful. No--the Lina she saw was none of those things. She saw a girl--torn, tattered, and fallen. She was actually grateful that this disconcerting image of herself was blotted out by the rain falling from the sky--grateful for the mercy granted to her by the gentle storm that rumbled in the distance.

            The droplets of rain that pelted the top of her head suddenly came to a halt, and a dark figure appeared behind her reflection in the water. She looked up, wondering whose kindness was bequeathed unto her, and was slightly disappointed to see Xelloss standing there with his cape thoughtfully held out above her head.

            “You might catch cold like this,” he chided her gently, knowing how fragile to weather the human body was. He, on the other hand, was not susceptible to disease.

            She frowned at his kindness. He’s just like the others, she told herself. He will leave you, too, and then you will be lonely again. Haven’t you experienced this enough to know that you’ll only get hurt in the end? She dug her nails into the palm of her hand, causing herself some pain. “Don’t be stupid,” she commanded herself quietly.

            “Lina-san?”

“Xelloss, don’t you have somewhere you need to be?” asked she, offering him naught but a cold shoulder in exchange for his generosity. She was expecting the answer to be yes, but she had never considered the possibility of a no.

            He raised an eyebrow at her. “Whatever do you mean?”

            She felt irritated, believing that he was feigning ignorance. “You know--don’t you have something better to do?”

He gave her a smile that seemed to hint at melancholy, but Lina convinced herself that she must have been imagining things. “Are you telling me to leave?” he asked.

Taken aback by the hurt tone of his response and confused by his reluctance, she began slowly, “That’s not it.” With a heavy sigh, Lina dropped her head, watching her reflection in the water as it continued to ripple. “I’m just a bit frustrated because I’ve been wandering for so long--”

            “So have I.”

            The uncharacteristically serious tone of his statement more than slightly surprised Lina. She turned to face him, gazing at him with searching eyes. He wore an alien expression that she wasn’t used to seeing--it was strangely sincere and true. His eyes were unfocused like the eyes of a lost puppy; Lina could see that he was wrought with confusion. He lifted his eyes to look at her as she gazed at him, returning her stare with his own, but Lina did not see herself reflected in his eyes. Instead, he was looking somewhere far away, searching. It was almost as though he, too, had lost something important, something irreplaceable…

            …No. That’s impossible.

           The idea seemed so outrageous that Lina had trouble swallowing it, but the pieces did fit when she put them together, and they fit so seamlessly that there was no doubt left in her mind. Why hadn’t she realized it before--the reason Xelloss stayed around was because he had nowhere else to go. And if he had nowhere else to go, that could only mean one thing.

            “Beastmaster Zelas Metallium is dead,” said Lina, stating the truth outright and without the slightest reserve. A faint glimmer appeared in the depths of Xelloss’s eyes before he concealed them once again behind his casual façade, but Lina easily read through his pretense and stood up, leaving the shelter he provided for her. She put her hands on his arm and gently pressed her fingertips against his skin, reminding him that he was not standing there alone--she was standing there with him. And even without the emotion-reading abilities of a mazoku, Lina could clearly see that he was confused by her touch. His smile gradually weaned, and he looked down into her glossy eyes, staring mutely as though unable to speak.

            She rested her head against his shoulder and stroked his arm soothingly, never once turning away from his gaze. He could see the sympathy in her eyes--the sharing of pain. He was alone; she was alone. They were both lonely even as they stood next to each other, touching as though there were miles of separation between them. He could clearly see her standing there, but the numbness prevented him from feeling her presence. It made him feel unbearably heartsick.

            Xelloss lifted his other hand and tenderly stroked Lina’s cheek, catching the stray tears that fell as a response to his touch. Lina kept her eyes closed as he ran his fingers through her hair and gazed at her glistening, wet eyelashes. She shivered slightly when he stroked her hair again, starting just above her ear and accidentally brushing the tip of it along the way. He drank in every ounce of her emotions: the sadness, the loneliness, the longing, and even the unappetizing warmth that drowned his mind in a murky bog. There was no filter to stop those feelings from rushing in--they broke easily through the fractured dam that surrounded him and poured into his soul. They were the only reason he was still aware that she was standing there with him; it was the proof of her existence.

            She could barely catch the inaudible whisper of her name that passed through his lips. Lifting her eyelids, she sweetly replied, “I’m here.”

            Then he pulled her into his arms, embracing her tightly, desperately. Lina endured the dull pain of her shoulders and gently wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back consolingly and whispering soft, reassuring words into his ear. “I’m not going anywhere,” she told him, promising him with words that she had often longed to hear. It was all she had to offer. But he had something else to offer her--information that she otherwise would probably have never known.

            So mazoku can be hurt, too…

            They took shelter beneath the cover of an old, abandoned shack as Xelloss spilled his thoughts to Lina--from the start of the war to the painful sight of helplessly watching his master’s demise. She cupped the side of his head in her hands as he spoke, stroking his hair lightly as his head rested in her lap. The way he was now, he really was like a lost puppy without an owner. There was a peculiar apathy in his voice, and as he spoke he wore the eyes of a fawn.

            “Juu-ou-sama divided her forces into two--one for offense and one for defense. I took charge of the former group while she handled the latter. It seemed sensible at the time; naturally, she was the best choice to defend our base. My powers are also more suited for attack rather than defense, so it seemed like a natural choice to put me in charge of the offensive team. But now that I think about it, it’s my fault that they even reached the island. If I had destroyed them earlier, they would never have gotten the chance to get near…

            …But I underestimated the power of the Earth Dragon King. Though I could destroy a fleet of dragons in a single swipe, I was no match for his power.”

            “When I recovered enough to be able to move again, I was already too late. Juu-ou-sama was down on one knee--I had never seen her so badly wounded before--and she used the remaining ounce of her power to reduce the Earth Dragon King’s power by half. After that, Deep Sea-sama was able to break him into two more pieces, and we destroyed then one by one.”

            He paused. “I didn’t know where to go, Lina-san. So I came to you.”

            She was actually a bit surprised that this was the result of losing a master for a greater mazoku. The only other similar situation was in the case of Valgaav, but even he was only a loyal follower that was picked up and turned into a mazoku by the Chaos Dragon. She had imagined that someone like Xelloss would suffer more severe repercussions to his existence if his master had died, but that hadn’t been the case. Sighing inwardly, she secretly thanked the dark lords for allowing him to survive and bringing him to her care.

            After a while, he fell silent as if in a deep sleep. Lina was a bit baffled by the sudden development--she didn’t even know that mazoku slept. Nonetheless, he seemed unresponsive when she poked and prodded at his cheek, and Lina contentedly accepted the notion that he had fallen asleep. Thinking back to his story, she felt a bit sad and leaned over to embrace him as he slept, cupping her arms around his head as she rested her cheek against his shoulder.

            She wanted to punish someone for all of this. It wasn’t exactly her place to revolt against the ryuuzoku, but she had no reason to favor them, either. They had more than once shown that their morals were questionable at best. Even so, she knew that it was unreasonable to try and fight them on her own. She was only a human being, and if Xelloss wanted revenge he could easily do it himself. But slaying a thousand dragons would not bring his master back from the dead, and he knew better than that.

            Lina held him tightly. She was angry; she cursed the gods for being unfair--for causing him and her so much pain. Why had they both lost what was most precious to them, and how were they supposed to fare now?

            “Lina-san.”

            Her eyelids fluttered open, and she groaned as her blurry vision started to focus. She lifted her head a bit and realized that Xelloss was still quite comfortably resting his head on her lap, looking up at her as she dozed. She blushed a bit and averted her gaze, an act that made him chuckle. He reached up, pulled her face down, and kissed her sweetly.

            She closed her eyes. There was something so tender and wonderful about his kiss, something she would not expect to receive from a mazoku. He pulled away to sit himself upright before kissing her on her cheek and then once more on the lips as she watched him with heavy eyelids. His affection was warm and innocent--it was pure and unhindered. Lina felt tears come to her eyes as he took her hands into his own, small into large, and continued to place gentle kisses on her lips, cheek, and forehead. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something about it all was capable of moving her to tears. When he pulled away and smiled just as sweetly at her, she felt tears trickle down the sides of her face and fall off the tip of her chin.

             “It’s almost time for dinner,” he told her as he got up. “Are you hungry?”

            She felt a small rumble in her stomach and nodded, allowing him to help her to her feet. She couldn’t explain the warmth she was feeling from him, but she cast the thought aside for the moment, turning her attention to food. Hunger was something that could be explained, after all. Curious happy feelings could not.

            After returning to the inn for a good dinner and warm shower, Lina’s thoughts drifted back to the ring that she had tried to dispose of earlier that day. She walked out of the bathroom with her towel draped over her shoulders, dripping cold water from her hair onto the cold wooden flooring. She sat down on the edge of her bed, ignoring Xelloss as she confronted her own internal dilemma.

           Her heart was confused, and she knew it. It’s not like Xelloss was replacing Gourry--no one ever could--but instead, he was taking up another section of her heart. The silly girly feelings she had in response to his affection proved it. But that was what bothered her most. When had she become attached to him? And why him of all people?

            Xelloss frowned as he watched her fiddle with her ring, mulling over something by herself. Something about it made him unreasonably upset--so upset, in fact, that he momentarily forgot all about his own problems. He wanted her problem--their problem--to disappear.

            She saw his approach and pulled her hand inward towards her body, as if trying to put distance between him and her treasure. She knew that he was up to something--that gleam in his eyes gave it away, but what was it?

            He smiled. She was reacting predictably, but he already had something in mind. He reached for her hair, and she expectedly withdrew from his touch. He kissed it gently, then quickly leaned in to kiss her forehead, her cheek, and the rosy tip of her ear. He could hear her sharp intake of breath as he ran his tongue along the outer edge of her earlobe, nibbling a bit on the end before planting a line of kisses along her jawline. The sound of her racing heart made him smile.

            Lina could only succumb to him as he continued kissing down her neck and chest, which was relatively bare due to the low v-shaped cut of her button down pajama shirt. She could feel her body responding to him, and the heat generated by his kisses overwhelmed her senses. He placed his hands tactfully on the sides of her waist, an area of her body that was particularly sensitive to touch. She blushed and pressed the palms of her hands against his shoulders, gently pushing him away. “Stop…” she weakly pleaded.

            He grinned. Lina was becoming easier to coax. He picked her hand up--the one with the ring on it--and kissed her fingertips. Then he looked at her--a glance that stole her breath away--and pressed her hand to the side of his mouth. She could feel his hot breath passing across the surface of her fingertips.

            She shifted a bit in her seat as he gently sucked her finger. Her passion was elevating; her precautions were breaking. He stole everything from her like a thief in the night. She exhaled a breath of warm air through her red lips and tried to ignore the dizzying sensation of his touch.

            And then she froze. He carefully took the ring between his teeth and attempted to remove it from her possession. She wanted to stop him--to protect her treasure from being stolen--but her feelings were so conflicted that her body did not know how to respond. It was as if her mind was disconnected from her body. She shuddered as his teeth grazed her skin and pulled the ring off her finger. He quietly spat it into his hand, and she watched anxiously to see what he would do with it.

            Throwing it away would be too easy. No--Xelloss had thought this through to a deeper level than that. If he threw it away, she might blame him and quickly relapse, and then she would be beyond easy reach. A better course of action would be to place it just out of her reach and have her make her own decision to leave it behind. How would he achieve this result?

Seduce her.

            He placed it down behind her back, leaning in close to her as he spoke. “I’m not taking this away from you, Lina-san,” he said. He paused briefly, pressing his face closer to hers so that their lips were almost touching. At such a close proximity, the red of her eyes made her appear more like a wild animal. “But I will take you away from him.”

            Push her into a corner.

            The dizziness was making it too hard to think. His warm breath against her lips brought her instincts out to the surface, and she responded blindly to his bold approach. Slipping her arms around his neck, she invited him to do just that.

            Make her want you.

            Though Xelloss had told himself over and over again not to rush into things, he couldn’t resist her when she so openly invited him to devour her. He roughly pressed his lips against hers, sneaking a tongue into her mouth when she pressed back with her own. She gasped and attempted to pull away, startled by the sudden feeling of something warm inside of her mouth, but he pulled her back and continued to consume her. The weak, helpless moan that escaped her mouth as she shuddered sent his heart racing, pounding in his ears. It was hard not to take her completely right then and there.

            Then Lina suddenly grabbed his hair and pulled, hard. He winced slightly and let go of her lips, baffled by her sudden action but even more so by the predatory look that manifested itself in her deep, crimson eyes.

            Very good.

            What the hell am I doing, Lina wondered as she pressed her hands against his chest and kissed him tenderly just underneath his chin in an attempt to deflect her own increasing desires. She kissed up and down his neck, probing his skin here and there with her tongue as her breath came forth in ragged gasps.

            Xelloss was greatly amused. For a second, she had gained the upper hand, but she had failed to carry through with her whim. It was enough to bring him back to his senses, though, and he tipped her chin up to plant a gentle kiss on her lips, temporarily ending their passionate exchange. Mutely, Lina watched as Xelloss stood up and turned to leave. She wasn’t sure how to respond to it anymore--that primal instinct that took over during their romantic encounters--and she couldn’t stand the unbearable, insatiable desire that remained lit at her core.

            She saw the flicker in his eye as he vanished, but in her mystified state of mind she could not guess the reasons for it. If she had (she contemplated the possibility of this much later), she would have known what he had then realized.

            It won’t be long, now.

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