Dramata Kurage! Chapter - 15

Author: Omoni , Kawaii Gourry Title: Dramata Kurage! - Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Slayers and their characters are not owned by me. They belong to Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi and any other companies which own them. I'm just borrowing them for a little bit and I promise to give them back all in perfect working order.

15.0
For some reason all the fight in her left her and she stopped fighting back against me. Suddenly she started crying and at that point I felt hope, because I knew mazoku didn't cry, and because she was, that meant there was still something left inside of her. But then she started talking about how she couldn't go back and my eyes widened a little. I wanted to stop her right there and then but I knew it might only set her off again so I stayed there, my hands still on her wrists but not really pinning them or her down.
I realised as she spoke to me that they messed up the process and I felt my heart wrench, in sadness for what Lina had to go through, and anger for what Xellos had done to him. I reached a hand out gently to her cheek and touched it softly but she pulled away from it immediately, like it burnt her so I kept it away and I listened to her go on. Then she clutched her chest when she explained to me that they somehow had forgotten to remove that part of her. I remembered immediately that I told her before we admitted our love for each other that she had to start thinking with her heart and not her head.
She seemed confused, frustrated, and I wanted to take all of that away but I didn't know how I was supposed to do it. She then became angry and then spoke about not being able to come back, and not being able to live. I shook my head straight away as I didn't believe that, and before I had the chance to respond, she had a hold of me by the shoulders and threw me back with all her power, sending me flying back several more feet and then sliding along the ground, kicking up more dust.
I slowly got back to my feet and I started feeling doubt spread through my mind, wondering if it was even possible to bring her back. Zel came to my side and handed me the Blast Sword, telling me that maybe there was no way. Then Amelia came to my other side and told me that there had to be another way. The two sides conflicted with my thoughts and I didn't know what to do anymore. I looked to Lina the whole time, first there was a horrible glare. The sword I held in my hand I didn't even want to be there, I wasn't even holding it properly.
But as the thoughts went through my head, it made me angrier and angrier. I gripped the sword tightly in frustration and felt the tears fill my eyes before falling down my cheeks. Then what hurt me was seeing Lina admit defeat and wanting to die. This was not the Lina I knew, the Lina I knew would fight on till the end, but what they had done to her ruined her.
I took a couple of steps forward when I felt Amelia grab onto my arm.
“NO! GOURRY-SAN!” She yelled, but I snatched my arm away.
“Don't make this harder than it has to be!” I snapped back as I turned to her through tear filled eyes. Zel grabbed a hold of her and nodded to me. I then turned back to Lina and closed the distance between us, my mind a cloud of frustration and confusion.
Soon I was right infront of her, and I felt my arms raising up, holding the sword above my head, ready to strike down. But then I started shaking, seeing her before me and I got back to the main thought that made me want to get Lina back. I didn't want to be alone, without Lina I was nothing and if I did this, I would be nothing.
I felt the sword slip out of my hands and hit the ground behind me, at the same time I fell to my knees infront of Lina. Without thinking I grabbed a hold of her, into a tight embrace and buried my face in her shoulder. I let my emotions out and I didn't care if she killed me right there and then because I wasn't going to live on without her. I had to give it one more shot, I had to try again.
I pulled out of the hug, not really noticing if it had been returned or not, my mind didn't allow me to accept those feelings. I made her look at me and I glared at her, with all of the anger inside.
“I'm not killing you, because I love you Lina. You could be human, mazoku, or somewhere in between, I still love you. I love you because I know that inside you, there is still a part of what made me love you in there.” I took her hand and placed it back to her chest, my hand pressed on top of hers firmly.
“I told you once that you had to stop thinking with your head, and you had to start thinking with this.” I pushed on her hand slightly, making the point strongly.
“It's still there inside you because no-one can take that away from you, not the mazoku, not even the Lord of Nightmares herself.”
I then took her hand and place it on my chest, placing my hand back on top of hers once more.
“You're here inside me Lina. That's my place for you, I'm a forgetful person, and I might be stupid, but with everything I have of you here, I will never forget you. That's why I can't bear the thought of being without you. If you're gone Lina, then I might as well be gone too. You make my life worth living. So if I want to go on living, I have to have you in my life too.”
The tears were now freely falling down my face, wiping them away wouldn't stop the flow, and I struggled to remember the last time I was ever like this.
“You have to realise you can come back, you can become a human again because we'll help you remember. Amelia, Zelgadis and myself. I will be beside you the whole time to help you when things get tough, but this is not the way you were supposed to me. You're supposed to be Lina Inverse, beautiful sorcery genius. You destroyed a part of Shabranigdu, defeated Zanaffar, destroyed Phibrizzo, and lead the defeat of Dark Star, uniting the mazoku with the dragons.” I gripped onto her arms now.
“That's your life Lina, but none of that matters because the Lina Inverse I know, lives life to the fullest and never gives up. I don't know why they wanted you as a mazoku, maybe because of your power, or just because Xellos liked you, but what they've done to you has robbed you of your true life. You're supposed to be free and now you're trapped, serving those you always fought and rebelled against.”
I wasn't sure of what to say now, I felt like I told her everything I could and there was nothing left inside, but I could still see something in her eyes that somehow didn't believe me. Whether she wasn't sure if I told her the truth, or that she couldn't believe she really could go back to it. I only had one card left to play and I had to use it now.
“But if you want this to end, you really want to die. You'll have to kill me first, because I won't let anyone harm you or attack you. I promised to be your protector, and I've not done a good enough job of that recently, but this time I'll do it.”
I gave her my sword, wrapping my hands around hers to make sure she gripped it. I then moved in close to her and placed the sword at my back.
“To kill yourself with this sword, you have to drive it through me first, and I'm not going to have it any other way. I love you Lina, and I'm staying by your side, whether that be alive, or in death. I just ask that you let me kiss you one last time.”
At that point I closed my eyes, setting a stream of tears down my face and I kissed her softly, wrapping my arms around her into a tight hug. I could feel the blade at my back at first and then the moment I kissed her I felt it cut the skin and enter my back but not enough to stop. The sword shook in her hand, but I held her tighter, and deepened the kiss, a hand raised to her cheek, wiping away the tears.
I just ignored the pain as I concentrated on the feeling I had with Lina. I was able to feel her hair one last time, smell her scent, and taste her lips. The whole time we had been apart, it was the one thing I wished I could experience one last time. And as always, I left our destiny in Lina's hands.
Kurage

15.1
I wanted to kill him.
But at the same time I didn't.
I had the means to kill him in my hands...but I stayed them, I didn't do it. And why? Because I couldn't. I couldn't find the strength to do it. I couldn't find the will to bring the sword up and skewer him through his back. That was at first.
But when he kissed me, and wouldn't stop kissing me, I felt a tinge of bloodlust. I'm not sure why. My hands moved without my thinking, which resulted in my nicking him in the back. When I realized, I stopped. I couldn't move, anyhow. What he was doing to me was making me feel strange.
It felt familiar, when nothing in this world had felt familiar before. It felt comforting, when no amount of anything could comfort me before. And most of all, it made the ache and pain in my chest ease, and it made me feel something else, something that was foreign as well, as unnatural as it was in my state.
I felt his love, from his heart, and deep down, the love I must have had for him in my own. I dropped the sword. Neither of us were going to die today. I couldn't bear it. I had been so eager to make a kill that once I had the option, I hadn't realized how much I didn't want it.
I let go. I silenced my mind and followed my heart. And I let it take over.
I kissed back. I moved closer and clung onto him, clutching onto him tightly for dear life. I shut my eyes, let the tears flow, and tried to awaken the part of me that felt these things, the part that so obviously wanted to live again.
I don't know exactly why it happened, but it felt better. I felt things, pieces inside of me, break apart and reveal old ones from the new. I felt memory, and feeling, and other human things. I didn't smother it, I didn't deny it, I embraced it, and in the end, I felt parts of myself come back, parts of who I was, although most of it was still missing and shrouded.
I wanted to be human. I knew that. I felt it. I was sick of this. I wanted to be human, to feel and to be, and to be myself. I wanted to do the things he said I did, the things I used to do...
I pulled away from him, keeping close. He looked back at me, and I realized we were both a mess of tears. I wanted to laugh. I knew who he was. “Gourry,” I murmured, looking into his eyes. I saw the light go on in his eyes, and he nodded, holding me tighter. I smiled at him.
Things were going to be okay, right? With his help, I would be back to normal, right?
I thought so.
That didn't happen so smoothly.
I felt it before it actually happened, and I knew instantly it was an attack on my Astral form first. It was like fire stabbing into my chest, burning itself out on my insides. I gasped and jerked away from Gourry, shutting my eyes tightly. He came forward, but I held out my hands, shaking my head.
I felt his presence behind me, and sure enough, Xellos phased right in, his staff pressed right into my chest through my back. He leaned over when I looked up, and I glared at him, gritting my teeth, trying not to move. Moving only made it worse.
“Sadly, Lina-san,” he said softly, “it's either our side or no side. You knew that, didn't you?” His eyes opened slowly, and a glint of amusement shone in those damned eyes.
I opened my mouth to say something, but choked. I growled, the sound deep in my throat, hoping that the sound would translate into the fury and hate I was feeling.
“Well, now you know, I guess,” Xellos replied, his smile slowly curving wider. “It'll be the last lesson you learn as a Mazoku. Or, as anything, actually! I'm sort of regretful. After all, who knew that we would blunder so badly with someone we should have been careful with? And even after all of the times I tried to eliminate the human from you, it kept on growing back. How annoying, Lina-san.”
He yanked his staff away and I fell forward. He laughed. “Well, if you manage to survive that one, I'll see you again!” He laughed again, clearly quite pleased with himself.
I lay there, clutching my chest, knowing it was the end. I couldn't feel much of anything, except my own pain. And something else, I realized. I blinked slowly, trying to stay awake. Something else...something was leaving me...something was...
That's when it lashed out at me. A pain so much worse than the one I felt in my chest. I felt it inside of me, inside my very being, and I realized that it was all being torn away from me; the power, the form, the name, everything. Everything that I had been was being obliterated, and I couldn't see anything but red.
But when I closed my eyes, I could feel indescribable happiness spread into me.
I haven't a clue how long I was out for. I wasn't awake and I don't remember anything. It couldn't have been that long, because when I woke up, we were still in the middle of the town.
When I woke up, I actually woke up. I wasn't that sad thing I had been. I was myself. I remembered all of it, all of how it felt and what it had been like, but I was myself again. Everything I had been, besides the memories, was gone.
And I remember waking up to bright white light.
I looked up, feeling numb all over. I focused, then saw it. Amelia, Zelgadis...and, wait a second, Gourry?
“What the hell...?” I muttered, shaking my head slowly. “Since when can a jellyfish cast a healing spell?”
And of course, after that, I passed out again, grateful for the rest.
Dramata

15.2
When she dropped the sword and began kissing back, I felt a sudden relief flow through me. I felt her hold me closer and I held onto her just as tightly. Everything felt like it was going to be ok, not just from how I felt, but I could somehow sense her emotion as she held onto me and kissed me. She too was feeling a sense of relief, and I could feel something in her was changing. When I got close to her the first time, Zel was right, and it didn't feel like Lina was all there. But over time as I held onto her, I could sense the change in her.
She pulled away from me but she still kept me close, and looked at me. I suddenly began to wonder if this was all some ploy to get me to let my defence down, but then she spoke my name softly, and at that point I could see she knew who I was. I nodded slowly towards her and held her tightly once more, the relief flowed through me as I began to feel that the nightmare of the several days I was without her was about to end.
Only it wasn't that simple as I watched Lina's face contort in sudden pain. She jerked away and I tried to grab onto her but she shook her head, she didn't want me to come close. I really panicked now because I started to wonder if we'd done something wrong. Had making her realise her humanity ended up going against her mazoku side which was causing her pain. What if by doing so it was killing her? I went through all the negative emotions within split-seconds a person could possibly have and the one that struck out the most was that I felt useless.
That's when I noticed Xellos appear behind Lina and he had pierced her with his staff. Suddenly I felt the anger rise in me that I wasn't even able to listen to what he was saying. I didn't even care about what he was saying because he was there undoing all the hard work and pain I had to go through in trying to get Lina back. I was going to make him pay for it and I did the best I could the second he pulled the staff from Lina who slumped forward.
The words came to my mind easily, that I barely had to think of them. I grabbed my sword and rose to my feet slowly.
“Oh, source of all power, light which burns bright beyond crimson, let thy power gather in my hand.”
Now it happened as it never ever happened before, but I guess looking back, the situation was different to practicing and doing it on the battlefield. With what Xellos had done to Lina had opened me up, and instead of finding difficulty casting it, it was as though I had done it all my life. I held the bright red flaming sphere before me, with a glare to match Lina's dramata stare towards Xellos. I charged towards him with my sword held out towards him.
I watched Xellos blink before me and I knew immediately I had him. I surprised him by casting magic, something he never thought I would be able to do. That hesitation gave me the opening I needed.
“FIREBALL!” I yelled with utter rage, immediately the spell being consumed by my sword, sharpening the blade, and filling it with power. I struck out without a second thought and I hit him satisfyingly though the side. I heard the grunt of pain from Xellos, but I knew already it wasn't enough to kill him. It was enough though to make him think twice about underestimating me. He clutched his side and was wounded much like he was against Gaav, and phased out.
I turned heel immediately, running back to Lina who was already being attended to by Amelia and Zelgadis. They had turned her onto her back and were already casting Healing but I could see the look on their faces, which were filled with doubt. What happened to Lina was bad, I realised that, and judging from Amelia, it was life threatening.
I knelt down beside Lina, both Amelia and Zelgadis opposite me casting the healing spell on Lina and I concentrated, like I never had done before because Lina's life was at risk. It was like a broke down the barriers to my potential at that moment in time and I started casting with all that I had inside her. I wasn't really holding it back and I felt like a part of me was going into the spell, and helping to heal her.
I stopped momentarily when I saw Lina's eyes open. I couldn't tell how long we had been casting for, but at that point Amelia and Zel were swapping shifts now, but I refused to stop despite the healing spell weakening. I stopped for a moment and I could see confusion in her eyes.
“What the hell…? Since when can a jellyfish cast a healing spell?” She managed to mutter at which point she passed out again. I felt like wrapping my arms around her in joy at the thought of getting Lina back because I knew that was her, the Lina we all knew, the Lina I fell in love with. Instead I did my best to start the spell up again and gave a slight smile to Amelia who was just letting Zel take over.
“She's back.” I grinned a little more until I felt all the energy completely drain out of me, and the light from the healing spell disappeared. I slumped down beside Lina, still conscious but completely worn out from casting that spell for so long. Amelia came over to me quickly but I shook my head and waved her off.
“Keep working on Lina, I'm fine, I promise.” And work they did, healing for the next few hours. In those hours I just held onto Lina's hand once more, stroking the bangs from her face, glad to have her back. I wanted to hold her forever and make up for lost time. Zel stopped and breathed heavily, as was Amelia. We were all worn out from healing Lina, but we knew it had to be done. There was no time to move her, no time to find a healer, and to be honest I didn't feel like I could trust anyone else with her in that state.
I got back to my knees and scooped Lina up in my arms, slowly standing up having regained a little energy from my rest. Amelia and Zelgadis helped each other to their feet and I looked to the two of them.
“Thank you for all your help, I don't think I would have got through this without you guys, I think I would be dead. You guys gave me the motivation to keep going and I want you to realise how grateful I am. I think it's time we all got some well deserved rest.” I watched Amelia and Zel both nod at the same time and then I turned heading back to the inn.
I brought Lina back to my room and placed her in the bed, just as the sun began to rise in the sky. I only realised then that we had been working on healing Lina all that time. People would soon be waking up to a new day, but I knew I was going to fall asleep with the one I loved. I leaned over, kissing her forehead gently, and then pulled up a chair beside her bed. I sat down, taking her hand in my own, and holding it gently to my chest. The placing her hand back down beside her but keeping hold, I rested my head next to her lap and drifted to sleep.
Kurage

15.3
I slept for a long time. I can't remember another time that I slept for days on end, but I was told I did. It was actually on and off, to be honest. I barely remember these days of momentary consciousness, but I'll try my best to recap them for you.
The first couple of times I woke up, it was all blurs and fogginess. I felt warm, and tired, and drained, and all I could do was blink a few times before dozing off again. I think I heard Gourry's voice a few times, speaking to me softly, but I can't remember anything he said if he did.
I also remember having terrible dreams, nightmares of what had happened and what my mind assumed was to come, but always, there were soothing sounds to lure me out of them, and I felt hints of touch, and I always managed to go back to sleep and dream better after that.
After about a day of waking up on and off, I managed to stay awake for longer. I woke up, and it was quiet. I opened my eyes slowly, taking in a deep breath. I felt a little off still, and my chest had an annoying tingle in it, but I was okay.
I looked around and recognized my surroundings as an inn room. It was daytime, and the room was bright with midday light.
I heard rustling beside me, and I looked over sharply, but it was only Amelia. She raised a finger to her lips and pointed over to her the side, and there was Gourry, snoring and fast asleep in a chair beside me.
It was strange. I felt relief, but inside I was also scared, and glad that Gourry was asleep. I wasn't sure if I had the courage to face him.
You see, I had broken a promise to him, something I had never done before, and I had hurt everyone around me as a result. I know that my hand was forced when it happened, and I know that in a way that excuses the behaviour, but I still felt like a rat, especially when it came to Gourry.
Amelia smiled down at me, all cheerful and happy. It was infectious, and I managed a small smile of my own. “How are you, Lina-san?” she whispered.
I shrugged. “I'm okay I guess,” I whispered back. I looked up at her, and her smile softened. My own faded. “Amelia,” I began. I started to sit up, and she helped me do it, which made me feel more rotten.
“Amelia,” I said again, folding my hands in my lap and looking at them, feeling suddenly very ashamed and very exposed. “I'm sorry. I messed up. I hurt everyone, especially Gourry. I don't even think I can face him, I'm so ashamed...” I lowered my head.
I wasn't accustomed to showing dangerous feelings like this in front of anyone, but I couldn't fend them off this time. All of my emotional guards were taking a nap on me, and I resented it. Instead of just feeling ashamed, I now felt humiliated too, especially when I heard a squeak come out of my throat and the tears fill my eyes.
I don't think I have ever been able to handle grief too well. Usually when I come face-to-face with it, somehow, I always lose. In times of tragedy and chaos, one doesn't have time to feel these emotions, but it's the aftermath, the side-effects, that always get me when I'm down. It was like that with Gourry's kidnapping, except then I had the mercy of being alone. Now, I had company, and it made me embarrassed.
I refused to look up. I hung my head, hiding my eyes with my bangs, in a lame attempt to mask the tears in my eyes. But Amelia is no fool. She definitely knew that I was crying. “Lina-san,” I heard her whisper, but I held up my hand to silence her.
“The thing is,” I said slowly, my voice wavering, “if I had to go back, I would have done the same thing over again, for the same reasons.” I wiped the tears away and still refused to look at Amelia. “It's just...I never realized how awful it could be...”
I lowered my head again, shaking my head slowly. “I didn't get it until it happened, and I never want to do it again, but I KNOW, that even though I would rather die than be a Mazoku again, I would do it again to save Gourry's life...I can't have him die because of me...”
I jumped a little when I felt Amelia sit down beside me. I looked up, surprised, but she leaned over and hugged me tightly. I sat stiffly in her arms, unsure of whether or not I could take this comfort without feeling the guilt that came with it. Amelia was too nice, too sweet, and I had hurt her and everyone else.
“Lina-san,” she said softly, “trust me when I say this to you: Everything is okay.”
And I believed her. I relaxed, buried my head into her shoulder, and cried my eyes out, believing her.
I must have dozed off again after that, because the last thing I remember was crying and soaking Amelia's shoulder. I don't think I have ever been so grateful for another person before, but I sure was grateful of Amelia after that. She wasn't just a comrade, I realized. She was a friend, one of the best, and I was glad she was there and so wiling to forgive me and offer me comfort when I needed it.
When I woke up again, it was dark, and I was parched for a drink. I sat up slowly and looked around blindly, feeling around for a drink. I found a cup on the side table beside the bed and was grateful that it was full. I took a deep drink and sighed, feeling much better.
I set the cup back down and listened. Gourry's snoring could be heard from the corner of the room. I smiled, slowly sliding to the edge of the bed and getting to my feet. I tiptoed over to where he was sitting, being careful in the dark.
There was enough light in the room to make out his face, dimly. His eyes were closed and he looked so peaceful in his deep sleep. I watched him for a while, then moved closer, sitting on the chair's arm. I looked over at him again, then leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder, feeling a lump in my throat. I didn't want to cry again, so I held it in, closing my eyes and just listening to him snore.
I was relieved. I was always relieved during the calm of a storm, and this was one of those times. I would be naïve to think that Zelas would allow us to get away with what we had done. She had not only lost me, she had lost the Blast Sword as well, and she would most likely want us both now, without a deal.
But at that moment, I didn't care. I slid my arms through one of Gourry's and sighed deeply, smiling faintly. I was back, I had the man I loved close to me, and that was all that mattered.
I sat there for a long time, keeping awake but not really alert. When I felt the sun on my eyelids, I opened my eyes and looked around, and saw that it was daytime already. I yawned and got up off the chair, gave Gourry a kiss on his hair, and murmured, “Thank you,” in his ear softly.
I stretched and walked back to bed, burying myself in the sheets, and I fell into another long sleep, knowing that this time, the dreams would be sweeter.
Dramata

15.4
I woke up in the evening and immediately looked to Lina to check on her. She was sound asleep and seemed fine so I felt relieved, reaching up and running a hand gently over her cheek. For some reason I was worried that helping Lina turn back to a human was all a dream. I was just glad to see her there and that it wasn't just some fantasy.
“Hey Lina.” I whispered softly. “I'm so glad to have got you back; I wasn't sure how much longer I could really go on without you.” I then started talking to her about everything that happened. I told her all that I had been through to try and get her back, taking a lot of time talking about my encounter with L-sama and how I nearly lost all my memories. I joked a little then saying how it was normal for me to lose my memories, or at least I imagined that's what she would tell me. Occasionally her eyes would open but she didn't really seem properly awake and soon she would fall back asleep.
Every now and then Amelia or Zel would come in to check up but they wouldn't stay long, allowing me to spend time alone with Lina. I just carried on speaking to her until the nightmares started. I'm not sure what she was dreaming about but I could tell it wasn't nice. Her face told me it all and she got agitated. When she started going through that, I sat down beside her on the bed, her hand in mine and another on her forehead.
“Don't worry Lina, whatever it is; it's not going to hurt you because I'm here. I'm going to do my best to protect you like I promised. So don't worry about whatever is happening because I'm here to take care of you.”
Usually after speaking to her like that, and sitting with her, she would begin to calm down pretty quickly, and soon she would be in a peaceful sleep once more. I then sat back in the chair and watched over her as it got dark for the night. I felt myself falling asleep, and I didn't resist it, leaning back in the chair and dropping off.
I woke up to see Amelia with Lina in her arms and gently laying her back down on the bed. It was around midday judging from the sun. Amelia looked over to me and gave me a small smile, after making sure Lina was comfortable in the bed. She then came over and took my hand leading me out the room.
“Gourry-san…” She whispered, closing the door behind her. “I think I know what you're trying to do, but you have to get something to eat. You've not eaten for a couple of days, and Lina would never forgive herself if you became ill, because you refused to eat by just watching over her.”
I just ignored what she said though because my thoughts were too much on what Lina had to say, since she had been awake whilst I was asleep.
“What did she say? Is she ok?” I asked with worry clear in my eyes. She just smiled and nodded a little.
“She's fine Gourry-san, but I think what she told me, she really needs to tell you herself. As for how willing she is to do that, well, you know how Lina can be.” She then took my hand firmly and started dragging me away. “As for you, you have to eat, and that's orders from the Princess of Seyruun!”
I blinked a little, surprised at how demanding she was, and how she was pulling her status on me. I guess she really wanted me to eat, so I didn't resist. I followed her down to the restaurant and she already had a big meal set out for me with Zel also sat there drinking some coffee. I managed to pull out of Amelia's grasp, and I crossed my arms, giving her a look.
“You had this planned already didn't you?” Glaring at the two of them slightly, but I didn't really complain about it for long. Hey, when you have a load of food infront of you and you're not paying for it, then just chow down and don't complain. So I starting eating and realised how hungry I really had been, and I devoured most of it within a few minutes.
After finishing, I sat back in the chair and patted my stomach in satisfaction. Then my first thought was to go back to Lina but Zel stopped me from moving.
“So what are you going to do now?” He asked me, sipping from his mug of coffee as usual.
“I'm just waiting for Lina to get better, and take it one step at a time. I don't know how much has been taken away from her. So if she can't remember much then it means I have to help her remember, and I might need your help. After that, I don't know, I figured we'd just carry on what we were doing before. There's more world out there that we haven't visited yet so I guess we could take a look around.”
I looked to Zel and Amelia after I spoke to see their reaction, but there wasn't much of one. So I took that as my leave and headed back to Lina. The reason I wanted to be there for Lina was because I didn't know what Xellos and Zelas had planned. I knew they wouldn't be happy about having Lina taken away from them, and I was worried that they might try something again, especially as Lina was so vulnerable now.
I headed into the room and closed the door behind me. I walked to her bedside, and refilled the water glass by her bed. I then sat down on the bed gently beside her, not wanting to disturb her. I took a damp cloth and began wiping her face, hands and arms. I then took her hand and held it in my own and just looked at Lina for awhile. I guess I still felt like I was in shock still and couldn't get it in my head that she was back. I think what worried me most was that she'd forget the things that had happened between us. That would make me even angrier towards Xellos and his lord. For not only taking Lina away, but also for taking her memories away. If that happened then I would have to help her remember.
I stayed beside Lina until night came and I felt myself growing tired again. I leant down and kissed her forehead gently, and caressed her cheek. Then I went back to the chair, placing it by the window and took a comfortable position where I quickly fell asleep, hoping that soon Lina would be better and that she would wake up.
I woke as the sun shone brightly in my eyes, so much so it hurt. I had to shield them as I sat up and my first look was towards Lina to make sure she was ok. I got up slowly, and stretched, letting out a large but quiet yawn. I felt a little disheartened not to have Lina awake, I just wanted her to be up and so I would be able to talk to her. I looked back out the window noticing it was late morning, realising I was sleeping a lot longer than I usually would, but really I shouldn't have been surprised since I hadn't been sleeping well since Veryna started invading my dreams, and I hadn't properly relaxed since I got Lina back. So I guess my body was trying to make up for all the rest it missed.
I sat down once more beside Lina on the bed and at that point I noticed that half of the glass of water had been drunk already. I knew then that Lina had woken up at some point and now I was wondering what she had done. But now she was asleep again and I didn't know when she was going to wake up again. I wanted to be there when she did this time, so I sat back down on the chair by the window and watched the world pass by as I waited.
Kurage

15.5
When I woke up starving, I knew I was going to be just fine.
I actually wanted to laugh and cry at the same time when I felt the normal hunger, so much more comforting than the debilitating hunger that a Mazoku feels. I thought about food, and how wonderful it was to want food, and I smiled and sighed deeply, stretching while still in bed and keeping my eyes closed. I just wanted to relish in the fact that I was myself again. I don't think anyone realizes how much they like themselves until they end up losing most of their being. I sure as hell realized now.
I opened my eyes slowly, resting on my back and listening for sounds in the room. When I focused, I realized that Gourry was there, hovering RIGHT OVER ME!
I shrieked and scrambled to the far edge of the bed, and he yelled and jumped back, toppling over the chair nearby.
I clutched a hand to my chest, gasping for air, my heart racing. “Jeez, Gourry, you scared the CRAP out of me!” I cried.
I heard him mumble apologies while putting the chair back up. I crawled back over to where I had been sleeping and pulled the covers over me again, feeling my face go hot. I wasn't ready to face him yet. I wanted to curl up into a ball and hide, or at least hide in the sheets and pretend that I was sleeping again.
Nope. Too late. He was already sitting down in the chair, looking over at me.
I looked over at him from the corner of my eye, trying to figure out how he was feeling about me at that moment. He looked a little worried. I felt awkward. I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands or figure out what to say or anything.
Before I could say anything, he reached over and took my hand. I reddened and turned away. I didn't deserve his kindness, but I didn't pull away from it either. I stared at a spec of dirt on the wall and didn't move.
The silence grew into something unbearable. I figured I had to say it, now.
“Gourry,” I said softly, looking over at him. He blinked and looked right into my eyes, and I felt my resolve crumble. His eyes were so blue, and so clear, and so focused, I felt my own eyes sting again, and I hated that. I didn't want to cry again. I didn't want come off as manipulative.
I yanked my hand away, as though his touch was painful. I guess in a way it was. I truly felt as if I didn't deserve the kindness he was willing to give me. I can't imagine what he went through to get me back, only to have me attack him and hurt him.
Crap. There went the tears down my face.
I lowered my head and covered my face with my hands in humiliation. “I didn't want to cry!” I admitted. “I just wanted to say sorry! I am sorry!” I pulled my hands away and looked up at him, noticing how sad his face was. “I'm so sorry, Gourry. I messed up, I broke a promise, but I couldn't let them kill you! You understand, don't you?”
The tears ran down my face and I angrily brushed them away, looking down at my hands again. I was trembling, from hunger and sadness and anger, all at once. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take all of these emotions all at once, and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle whatever Gourry had to say to me. I was afraid of him and his kindness, but also afraid of his disapproval.
There was another silence, which I broke by saying it again. “I'm sorry, Gourry,” I repeated. I couldn't tell if he believed it. Maybe he didn't. It would serve me right, wouldn't it?
I kept my hands over my eyes, suddenly to scared to say anything anymore.
Dramata

15.6
When I heard the shriek, it scared me half to death as I tried to stand up. Instead I lost balance and with a shocked yell, fell backwards over the chair and hit the ground with a thud. I heard her complain about scaring her, and I felt like telling her she did the same to me, but in all honest I was guiltier about scaring her.
“I'm sorry Lina; I didn't mean to scare you. I was just looking over you and was making sure you were safe.” I mainly mumbled it so I don't even think she really heard about it, as I picked up the chair. I set it up by the bed and sat down and looked towards her, hoping she was ok.
At first glance she seemed a little nervous and it looked like she was blushing slightly. I wondered what was causing her to feel like that, if anything I thought she would be happy to be back or maybe she was happier as a mazoku. I reached over and took her hand in my own hoping that she would take comfort in me being there for her. If anything it seemed to make things worse I watched her turn away from me as she blushed more.
I looked down a little and started to try and work out what I was doing wrong. Why was I making things harder for her? Then softly she said my name and I looked up to her and looked deeply into those crimson eyes, and I felt my heart race. The last time I truly saw those crimson eyes was when she left, to be turned into a mazoku. I squeezed her hand a little in reaction and suddenly she yanked her hand away. I panicked as I began to think that I hurt her and then suddenly the tears starting falling down her face.
I looked down at the ground feeling bad for making her upset, as I started to think that maybe there was something more behind the tears and wondered if it was more to do with what I had done.
“I didn't want to cry!” She spoke out, and I raised my head to look at her, with her head buried in her hands. Now I was really confused, and I wanted Lina to explain things to me. Things added to the confusion as she went on.
“I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Gourry. I messed up, I broke a promise, but I couldn't let them kill you! You understand, don't you?” The tears then began to fall more freely down her cheeks, and I just hung my head. I didn't know what to say. In all honesty I had forgotten all about the promise, I was too preoccupied with getting Lina back that I didn't have time to think about it. But now I had time to think about I felt a little anger inside of me as I was reminded of the promise she made and broke.
She promised me and I trusted her and she broke it, and in doing so she broke my heart by leaving me to live my life alone. Then I got even angrier but this time at myself, because I couldn't believe how selfishly I was thinking. My face softened and I felt the sadness through me as I put myself in Lina's situation. I knew that I would have done exactly the same thing she would have done; I would have done anything to let Lina live, even if it meant becoming a mazoku and everything that went with it.
Infact, the whole time I tried to get Lina back I was willing to risk everything to get Lina back. I realised then that I wasn't the only one who was doing the protecting. I reminded myself of being kidnapped by Phibrizzo and with what L-sama said about Lina sacrificing herself for me. We were protecting each other and doing so with our lives.
“I'm sorry, Gourry.” She repeated and it tore into me to see her feeling so guilty about all of this. It wasn't right for her to feel so guilty, knowing that I would have done the same. How could I let her feel guilty knowing that? I bit my lip a little and decided that I had to let her know of everything I went through, and everything I was willing to give up, to get her back, to let her live, just as she had done for me.
I got up from the chair and I sat back down on the bed beside Lina, and I wrapped my arms around her tiny fragile frame, holding her close like I would to be protective. I then pulled away from her gently, but I kept her close to me, so close that I could smell the scent I had missed for so long. I wiped her eyes with my hands gently and did so to make sure she would look at me.
“It's not fair for you to be guilty about something you shouldn't be guilty about, considering I would have done exactly the same thing if it was me being held there, with your life being threatened. Infact Lina, I was doing exactly that the whole time you were a mazoku. I was willing to give everything up if it meant spending just a few more moments with you.”
I started to look to her side now, now I didn't want to look into those crimson eyes because I knew what I was going to say would be going against her whole reason for becoming a mazoku. I didn't even know what she had to go through to become a mazoku, I didn't know if it was painful, I'm not sure if I wanted to because if I did, I would only become more guilty.
“I wanted to kill myself at first…because I failed you. I felt like didn't protect you properly. I know what you said before, but this time it was a stupid mistake. I should have realise Xellos was up to something when he let you cast the Dragon Slave. He would have done something to stop it, but he didn't. Instead he waited around and knew something was up. I should have seen that but I let my anger get in the way, and that meant getting myself hurt and possibly killed.”
Running the events through my head once more, brought back the painful memories that I hoped I could forget like the other memories that sifted through my mind.
“I fought against those feelings and vowed to get you back my any means necessary, and at first it was to give up my sword and even my life to Xellos. He just tormented me and left me hanging, making me go through hell and I know he enjoyed the feelings I created.”
But the worst memory I left till last.
“I went to meet her, L-sama.” I glanced at her, not sure of what her reaction would be to that.
“I nearly gave it all up in the chaos, most of my memories were gone but I didn't let go of my feelings and memories for you. But even then, they were forced away from me…no…ripped away.”
I sighed as I looked down at the small space between us.
“It's not fair for you to feel guilty ok? It's not fair on you because you did what you felt was right. You did what your heart was telling you to do, and that's all I asked you to do. If anyone should be sorry Lina, it should be me, for making you make that decision in the first place. If I was better at protecting you, then you wouldn't have to have gone through all this. I'm sorry, Lina. I'm sorry, and I don't think I can ever repay you for what you had to go through.”
I let go of her gently and slowly shifted to the edge of the bed, turning away from her and looking down at the ground, and held myself for the moment. From the silence I figured she didn't want to talk to me anymore.
“I should get you some food, you must be hungry.” I put my hands down beside me on the bed, to push myself up off the bed, but suddenly I didn't have the energy to do so. My arms shook a little and I didn't go anywhere. My vision began to blur and my shoulders shook a little but I refused to let them fall infront of her, I had no right to do that infront of her.
Kurage

15.7
When he hugged me, I just fell into it and shut my eyes, and it lasted way too short. At least he stayed close. I should smell him and hear his heartbeat, and that was enough.
I listened. I listened to everything he had to say. I listened with stinging eyes and a fast-beating heart. I listened to everything that he had to go through all because of me, all of the misdemeanors he had to endure, all of the tests and pain, the struggles and fighting.
And then, he looked into my eyes and told me about L-sama, and I felt a lump in my throat. I couldn't imagine what that had been like. I couldn't even begin to think about what that must have been like.
But then Gourry started acting weird, and he started pulling away, and I got confused. The lump in my throat stayed, and I found that words failed me. I didn't blame him. Oddly, I didn't feel so guilty anymore, either. Strange, isn't it? When you do something you promise not to, and find out that in doing that something in order to save someone only to discover they were being as reckless as you were when you broke the promise...It sort of vetoed the guilt.
I frowned, then poked his back lightly with one finger. He jumped, and I kept doing it, wiping the tears away from my face with my other hand.
“Gourry,” I said gently. “You do realize that we both try so hard to protect eachother that we end up almost getting ourselves killed each time? And in doing that, it voids the protection the other offers?”
He stiffened a little, obviously not liking that. I sighed and stopped poking, but I scooted over and sat down beside him, looking up at him. I blinked, seeing the tears in his eyes and on his cheeks.
“Gourry...” I whispered. I sat up, kneeling beside him. I have no idea what possessed me to do this, but I reached up and wiped the tears away. I felt my cheeks warm up a little. Just the act of simply touching his face was enough to make me shy.
When his cheeks were dry, I just placed my hands on his cheeks and looked into his eyes closely, frowning. He looked back, his emotions obvious on his face. He wouldn't guard them in font of me, just like I wouldn't guard mine in front of him (anymore, anyways).
All of the words I wanted to say dried up. I didn't think there was a need to say anything anymore. I just sat there, gazing up at him, trying to translate my feelings for him in one simple gesture, in one simple gaze or move. I kept brushing my fingers over his cheeks, taking the tears away, saddened by their appearance but grateful that I could see them this close, instead of far away and consumed with the unfeeling of a Mazoku.
I guess it was then that I realized that even though speech is an important part in life, it's not THE most important. You can say things and have them fall flat, you can say things and not mean them, but it's the gestures, the body language, the movements and subtleties that mean the most.
It made me wonder about how the two of us always interacted over the years, with little speech, and where a look means more than a barrage of words between us. A look could formulate strategies, battle plans, even small things, like who would fish and who would take the first watch. I realized that early in the years we had reached this level of unspoken communication, and it occurred to me just then that speaking, at that moment, was probably not the best of ideas, when gesturing and touching would mean so much more.
Heh. We had advanced along so well over the past couple of years, to a level most people would only dream of, and we hadn't even realized we had done it. Maybe it was a good thing. I thought so. It saved me from the confusion and awkwardness that comes with trying to say it.
So I shut up. I edged closer, pressed my palms to his cheeks, and sat up more, so that our faces were level. He looked at me, taking in a sharp breath, and I smiled at him, rubbing his cheeks with my thumbs.
I didn't say a word. I just kept my hands on his face, leaned in, and pressed my lips against his. I felt a jolt of something, something like desire and adoration, need and want, all at once, as well as love and emotion, and it affected me more than I realized. I pushed in closer, moving my hands away and sliding my arms around his waist, making sure I put everything in that kiss, making sure he knew exactly how I felt and how much I felt for him.
I think he got over the initial shock of it all, because soon he was kissing me back, and holding me as tightly as I held him. We kissed, and it felt like a cocoon of warmth. We kissed, and I felt my chest ache with the feeling of it all and my eyes burn even under closed lids and I wanted and wanted and wanted so much. I wanted to stay like this forever, I wanted to pretend that it was only us in this world, and I wanted to make sure that Gourry knew that no matter what, only death would stop me from loving him, and didn't he get that?
After a few moments, I realized something. One, I felt warm, but I wasn't embarrassed, although considering the places that were warm, I felt I should have been embarrassed. Two, I really liked it when Gourry's hands were holding onto my tightly. Three, and lastly, I felt urges I didn't even know existed in me until that very moment and I wanted to both pretend they didn't exist and act on them until they were gone.
I pulled away slowly, noticing my breaths were coming out quite quickly, but I stayed close to Gourry. I looked up at him for a few moments, then smiled, leaned in and gave him two light kisses on his eyes. I have no idea why I did that, but it made me laugh. I snuggled close and hugged Gourry tightly, resting my head on his shoulder.
I figured, hell, whatever was on its way would be worth it. I could take it. I felt like I could take anything.
Dramata

15.8
She kept poking me in the back, but I didn't want to show my face to her. I felt that if I started looking at her, I'd feel worse and I wouldn't be able to hold back. Then I listened to her speak and I guess what she said to me, kind of made sense. But it felt wrong, because I was the one who was supposed to protect her, and I stiffened up a little as I felt it all become a bit overwhelming. The worst was that Lina scooted over and saw it all. Now I was angry at myself for being like this infront of her.
She surprised me though because she didn't seem to care. Her soft gentle hands reached up to my face and wiped away the tears. I felt myself melting to her touch and I blushed deeply as she dried my tears. She then placed both of those gentle caring hands on my cheeks and I felt myself being forced to look at her. By making me look at her I wasn't able to hide the sadness and guilt I had inside, all of it being shown in my face and my eyes.
I felt the tears fall again as she was able to see my emotions, and she gazed up at me with those crimson red eyes. I could see nothing but warmth and love in those eyes, and it was like she was talking to me, but only with her eyes. She was telling me that it was ok, and each wipe of her hands across my cheeks to wipe away the tears was like her cleaning away the sadness and guilt I had inside.
She sat up so her face was level with mine and placed her hands more firmly on my cheeks. I breathed in sharply, with some surprise, but also excitement. My heart raced and I felt the warmth flood through my body. I felt her thumbs caress my cheeks gently and she smiled at me. That smile was like a light, banishing the darkness that was left inside, and I felt myself returning the smile. I closed my eyes to nuzzle her hands on my cheeks, feeling much better about myself.
Then I felt those lips, oh god those soft lips on my own was like nothing else I experienced in life. At first it scared me though, I was surprised by her act of boldness, and slowly I began to realise that she was kissing me. I felt her push into me, making the distance between us all but disappear and her arms wrapped around my waist. With that kiss she was telling me everything she wanted to me to know. I could feel the love and the care she had for me and it fuelled me.
I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her back into me and I started kissing her back, pressing myself against her. Now I wanted to feel her against me, her whole body against mine and I kissed her as if it were a response. I was now showing her all of my love, adoration, my happiness and my complete devotion to her. I also started feeling something new creeping into my mind, something I wasn't really all that used to feeling. It was desire, lust, need, and want. I wanted her, I needed her.
Then it was over all too quickly as she pulled away from me. Her breaths were sharp and quick as was mine and I could feel my heart beating hard like a drum. She stayed close to me and smiled up at me, then did something that completely confused me. She kissed my eyes and knelt back down with a laugh and nuzzled in close to me, her head leaning against my shoulder. I just smiled a little and buried my nose in her hair, breathing that smell I loved, and that I had missed from her for so long.
I placed a hand on the back of her head and the other on the small of her back, pinning her body close to mine as I wanted to stay like that for as long as I possibly could. I could still feel that want and desire inside, I could feel the fire burn inside deep in my stomach. I leaned down and started kissing her once more, kissing her deeply and firmly. It wasn't the soft gentle kiss like before which slowly deepened. This was a rough, lustful kiss, filled with want and need.
I slowly pushed her back down on the bed and continued the kiss, pressing my body tighter against hers. I moved from her lips and leaned down to her neck, kissing her softly, and nibbling gently at her skin. At least that's what I wanted to do in my mind. I still had her held against me sat up with her head resting on my shoulder. It's what I wanted to do, but it's not what we were ready to do. That would all be too quick, it would rush things, and I didn't want to rush this. I didn't want to ruin these moments, I wanted to cherish them for as long as possible before moving on.
I then heard her stomach growling and I let out a small laugh before mine began to rumble also. I stopped laughing immediately but Lina started to giggle instead. Reluctantly I pulled away from her and stood up from the bed.
“You stay and rest, I'll get us some food.” I then leaned down, taking her hand and interlocking my fingers with hers and gave her a small kiss on the cheek, then let of her hand and left her room to get some food.
Suddenly I felt a weight off my shoulders as I went down to the restaurant, and there was a spring in my step. Things suddenly felt ok, the nightmare was gone from my mind, wiped away by Lina's caring hands and lips. Something inside of me knew there would be more things that we would have to face, but I knew that things would be ok, because I would be able to face them with her and we would fight them together. Somehow, the thought of wanting to protect each other cancelling out didn't bother me so much, because no matter what happened, we wouldn't give up until we were together again.
I got to the restaurant and ordered some food together, and began gathering it together on several trays. I noticed Amelia and Zelgadis weren't around so I figured that they must have been taking a look around Atlas City. Zel probably went to the libraries looking for some books on a cure; since I was sure Lina mentioned that Atlas City had one of the best libraries.
I took all the trays and headed back to the room only to realise I wasn't able to open the door with no free hands. I grumbled a little and knew I couldn't knock because Lina still needed to rest. Instead I managed to balance some of the trays on top of each other and held them there as I carefully opened the door. I could see Lina's eyes widen and it made me smile as I took the trays back in my free hand and headed into the room.
I placed the trays on the bed and Lina quickly dug in, and so did I. Then it was like nothing hand changed. No sign that we had already confessed our love for each, no clue that she had been a mazoku not long ago. We were fighting over the food like we had done every single time we had a meal together since we first met and it felt great. I reached over to grab a chicken leg when Lina slapped my hand and glared at me before taking it herself. I used that as a ploy to grab the big piece of steak she had carefully been guarding but left open after taking the chicken leg.
I smiled satisfaction as I tore into the meat, not noticing the fist that was headed for contact right on top of my head. The hit had me dazed and confused, and actually made me fall off the chair backwards. I stood up corrected the chair whilst rubbing my head only to see the last few plates of food being claimed by Lina, and leaving me with nothing left. Nothing changed, and it was great.
I headed out not long after all of that to gather some things for Lina. Her clothes were gone from when she was taken by Xellos, and so she only hand the spare tunic and tights she carried around in case her own got torn. Luckily she kept her talismans and headband but everything else was gone. She did have the clothes she wore as a mazoku but she didn't want those. She wanted to be rid of those as soon as possible. So it was up to me to try and find some more clothes for her, new gloves, boots and a cape.
I went from shop to shop, browsing carefully, picking up the few items which mostly, and in some cases perfectly, matched Lina's clothes. I worked the best deals, still using the few merchant tricks Lina used that I had managed to pick up. I then started looking through some of the other shops just more to look than to buy. The first was a jewellery store which had lots of pretty looking items but often expensive and of little use for journeying and adventuring. I was sure Lina would like looking at this place, but I didn't believe she would buy much. I was sure she would prefer something with more practical use.
As I was about to leave the shop something red caught my eye. I blinked a little and stopped in my tracks as I took a close look. I walked over and knelt down by the glass case and noticed the small silver ring. The thing that caught my eye was the set of three small rubies set within a mass of diamonds. I don't know why but when I looked at it, it reminded me of Lina. Something told me that I should buy it, and within moments I left the shop with a lighter bag of money but a small box with a ring inside.
I quickly returned to the inn and back into the room with Lina and wore my usual smile on my face. I set the bag down with the clothes in and held up a pair of boots which matched her old ones perfectly.
“I got you some new clothes! Hope you like them, I did my best to match them up with what you used to where. The rest are in the bag.” I then picked the bag up and handed it to her before leaving her to some privacy, since I knew she would have to try them on, to make sure they were the right size. I then headed down to the restaurant in time to meet Amelia and Zelgadis return from wherever they went. We then started a conversation on what we had been up to; of course I slightly missed the details on what happened between Lina and me. Only thing was that I had forgotten that also in the bag with clothes for Lina, was the ring I had bought.
Kurage

15.9
Desire is a double-edged sword. It's not something to be messed with. You can either act on it and become the biggest jerk in the world to the other person and make them think all you care about is their body. Or, you can make them feel relieved that you made the first move and now you can finally give into your own desires that are adjacent to the other person.
I wasn't sure how I felt. Did I feel rejected? Or did I feel relieved? I sat on the bed and waited for Gourry to return, mulling it over in my head, my cheeks still warm from it all. We had been so close, and he had shown so much emotion in his kisses and gestures, and I know I didn't shy away from it either. Had I acted badly? Would it affect anything?
As soon as Gourry brought in food, I forgot everything. All that mattered was the tray of food. And my kicking Gourry's ass. Hey, come on, I hadn't had real food in days. This was a treat. Couldn't he have cut me some slack? But he didn't, and in a way, I didn't mind. It was almost as if I was expecting it.
When all was done and the battle was won, I lay back down on the bed and sighed deeply, patting my stomach. “Nothing beats real food, Gourry,” I said happily, shutting my eyes.
When I opened my eyes again, I noticed Gourry was getting ready to head out again. I frowned, unsure of what was going on, but he explained quickly that he was heading out and getting me some new clothes. I don't think he realized how grateful I was that he even thought of it. There was no way in hell I was going out in public dressed the way I was. I just prayed he would keep in mind my size and remember not to be a market dunce.
While he was gone, I lazed about in bed. It felt good to just take care of myself and not have anymore angst and worry.
I must have dozed off, because when he came back I remember jolting up in bed and feeling confused for a moment before remembering where I was and who was there. I got up and pounced on the bags, relieved to finally have something decent to wear, although I was still a little wary of Gourry's taste and style.
I started to shoot him a look that was a hint to leave, but when I looked up to do so, the door was already shutting behind him. I blinked. Huh. I guess after many years of conditioning, he finally got that part through that thick skull of his. Nice.
I rummaged through the bags and discovered that not only did Gourry manage to find clothes that looked like they fit, but they were somewhat similar to what I had worn before. Granted, the red-pink colour was now replaced with a deeper red, and the grey strip embroidering was no longer there. Add that to the rounder neckline instead of the collared one, and anything that had been yellow was now more of a beige-type colour, but trust me, anything was better than what I had on.
And I really liked the new gloves Gourry got for me. They weren't a purply-white, like the way my old ones had been, but a soft grey colour. They fit the same way my old ones did, however, and it was easy to put my talismans on them.
I was sad about my cape, though. It had housed a lot of good items that I hadn't managed to save, and the new black one (which was lined with soft red material) was just not the same. But it had as much pockets and it had matching shoulder guards that weren't TOO bad, so it worked out alright in the end.
When I got dressed, everything fit, and I felt so much better. I sighed a little, feeling much more comfortable in clothes that were actually clothes. I added the finishing touches (the last of the talismans and my headband) and smoothed down my hair.
I grinned. I couldn't resist it. I made sure no one was around. Cheerfully alone, I held out my hands and concentrated, starting with the most simple of spells.
When the glowing orb that comes with Lighting lit up in my hands, I wanted to laugh and cry. I really was back to being myself. I never had to see those damn crescents come out of my hands again. I was so happy I hopped a little around the room, glad I could be alone while I was being so embarrassing.
It was when I tripped over the bags and landed on one that I realized I really shouldn't be dancing around like an idiot. I landed hard on my ass, and I once again was SO grateful I was alone in my moment of pure idiocy.
Now on the floor, I kicked at the nearest bag. Surprisingly enough, I heard the bag give a resistant thump when it landed again on the floor. Curious, I sat up and crawled over to it, picking it up. I peered into it, and I found a small little box.
I felt my cheeks warm up a little, all of these horrifying and perverse thoughts coming to my mind, wondering if Gourry had an ulterior motive and was thinking way faster than I was in terms of our new and private intimacy. After all, what else could be that small?
I hesitated, afraid to look, but I decided that it was either ignore it and be tormented it by it or pick it up and be horrified, and then beat the crap out of Gourry later for it. At least the latter would offer some sort of release.
I grabbed the box and held my breath, then opened it. And I stared at it.
It wasn't what I thought it was AT ALL. It, instead, was a gorgeous and pretty ring.
Wait.
Ring.
RING.
In the bag that had my stuff in it.
That Gourry bought.
Just that afternoon.
All of the blood rushed to my face in one dizzy moment and I swear I almost toppled over. I held the box open and the ring glinted at me.
Why the HELL was Gourry buying a ring! It couldn't be for him, could it?
I actually had hoped it was, and that maybe Gourry had some sick obsession or habit I just didn't know about. But when I pulled it out, I discovered that it was a girl's ring, and that no matter how hard Gourry may believe it, his fingers are just not that small.
I swallowed. It couldn't be true, could it? I mean, why would he go out and do that? I couldn't get it. I couldn't grasp it. It made me embarrassed, confused, and sadly, a little bit girly. I actually sort of liked the idea of a guy getting a girl a ring if he really loved her. But come on, a ring from Gourry? That was like asking him to repeat a whole conversation just spoken and hearing him actually get it right.
I smacked my hand to my forehead, in the process, dropping the box. What the hell was I going to do or say to him now? I had blown it. If it had been a surprise, it wasn't now. I knew of its existence, and no amount of acting was going to change that.
I sat there, trying to figure out what the hell I was supposed to do. I thought of hiding it so I wouldn't have to deal with it and the emotions such a presentation would cause. I thought of tossing it out the window. I thought of giving it to Amelia, or even better, Zelgadis.
Instead, without thinking, I grabbed up the box and put the ring back, tossed it back into the bag, and threw the bag across the room. (It hit the wall, but I knew its contents would be fine.) That way, no one would suspect that I found it, and that way, no one could ask me if I had found it and saw it, and it would NEVER COME UP. Yes, that would work, wouldn't it?
Wouldn't it?
Look, you never know how stupid you can be until you actually look back and think, WOW, THAT WAS REALLY STUPID! You think that, at the time, you couldn't be any more brilliant. Well, yes, it was a stupid move, and of course Gourry would know something was up, but I would have run away screaming into the night before I admitted THAT.
It just never occured to me that the best move would have been to just give him the box and not say another word about it. It also never occured to my that my ignoring the bag with said box may also have negative reprocussions if Gourry found out I had been violent to it.
I smoothed my hair, cleared my throat, and patted my cheeks, trying to stop them from burning. When I was satisfied that I was once again myself, I hopped out of the room without looking back, and rushed down the stairs to meet up with everyone else.
Dramata

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