Dramata Kurage! Chapter - 14

Author: Omoni , Kawaii Gourry Title: Dramata Kurage! - Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Slayers and their characters are not owned by me. They belong to Hajime Kanzaka, Rui Araizumi and any other companies which own them. I'm just borrowing them for a little bit and I promise to give them back all in perfect working order.

14.0
The next day I was working hard again but I still wasn't having any success. The best I could manage was just the slight spark of light and then it would sputter out into nothingness. Amelia looked up at me a little sad, but I tried to ignore it and I closed my eyes. I started to think of Lina, thinking of the reason why I had to make this work. I knew that this would help me. If I could just learn a few basic spells then I wouldn't have to be so reliant on other magic users, I could handle myself, and then I could strengthen my sword.
With these thoughts, I kept my eyes closed and concentrated, finding something deep inside me that I knew I had to work with, and when I thought I found it, I tried to release it. The next thing I heard was a gasp.
“Gourry-san? O..open your eyes…” Amelia sounded shocked by something, so I did as she said. As I did so I saw a small ball of light. Ok it was nothing compared to the ones Amelia and Lina made, who made them so bright they were blinding. But still, I was holding a ball of light in my hand and it made me excited. So much so that I lost my concentration and the thing fizzled out in seconds.
“I did it! I did it! Amelia, I did some magic!” I jumped in glee and held my hands to my head, Amelia jumped up and let out a small shout of joy where she hugged me and congratulated me.
“You did it, Gourry-san! You cast your first spell!” She said excitedly.
From then on I concentrated on learning that spell, and as I got used to working my mind and concentrating, the power slowly got stronger and stronger, and the light it produced was more powerful and more blinding. At that point I was able to learn a few more other basic things, but this time I was catching on to the idea more easily, and able to will what I wanted more easily. I learnt Lighting, and then I learnt my first offensive spell, Flare Arrow. Again the power wasn't as good as the others, but it was better than the carrots Sylphiel used to make. I think you could describe mine more like Flare Darts, and of course only one at a time, and they only went a few feet before fizzling out.
The next thing I learned was Levitation. This spell was a bit trickier because I was freaked out by the idea of suddenly floating, and every time I felt my feet leave the ground I freaked out, lost concentration and the spell broke. Luckily I didn't have far to fall! However as time passed, I got more used to the idea and started floating further away from the ground. There was one incident though when I was pretty far off the ground and Amelia yelled me for dinner. The thought of food threw me off and I lost concentration. I hit the ground pretty hard, and Amelia was really apologetic afterwards.
The one spell I just couldn't seem to hack was the Fireball. No matter how hard I tried, all I could make was a small ball of smoke which floated away harmlessly in the wind. It was like I was back at square one with the Lighting spell but I didn't know what was wrong. No matter how hard I tried, or how hard I willed it, I just couldn't make a fireball. I knew that spell would be the handiest for me as although I might not be able to harm Xellos, it was at least a good distraction or a decent power up for my sword.
After another puff of smoke, I gave up and sat down taking a break.
“I don't get it Amelia, I'm really trying this time and it just won't happen.”
“Maybe you've reached your capacity, Gourry-san. You know we all have a limit on how far we can go; even Lina-san has limits although they are really high. I'd never be able to do some of those spells she can do, it's just the limit I have. Maybe your limit is the fireball.”
I sighed in frustration, I didn't want to have a limit, I wanted to try and keep going but I began to wonder if maybe I should just accept what I have. I kept trying now and again but still with all the effort I could make, it still made no difference. I just tried to keep the other spells fresh in my mind, because I needed every help I could gather, as we closed in on the Pillar of Light.
Kurage

14.1
These were the few things I knew about Zelgadis the chimera.
He was a chimera.
He was a shaman.
He had high magic levels.
He had an enchanted sword.
He was blue.
In other words, I didn't know much. But it was worth a shot.
Xellos jumped back from the two of us as my power grew to its peak. Xellos was right when he told me that I would know what to do when I needed to do it. And that I did. And it felt wonderful doing it. It felt ten times better than my first meal had. It felt like all of the best things you have ever wanted to do, and having all of the time in the world to do them, as well as the talent.
And I did.
I heard Zelgadis mutter something, but I didn't hear it. I was too set on my attack. I swung one hand forward and let go of the power I was holding. About half a dozen crescent-shaped lashes of black power burst forward towards the chimera. He blinked once, then came forward and swung his sword, slicing through my power without a second thought.
I blinked, the glared at him, bearing my teeth. That wasn't fair. This was supposed to be easy.
“Lina,” he said breathlessly, coming up closer to me. “What has gotten into you?”
I glared at him and swung my other hand forward, this time aiming right for the sword. A few of the shouts bounces harmlessly off the glowing red blade, but a few nicked his arm and hand, exactly what I had been hoping for. His grip on the sword loosened, and I darted forward without a second thought.
His eyes widened, but I was already on him by the time he realized. I swung my leg around and kicked the sword from his hand. It fell a few feet away, out of reach, the blade sticking out of the soft earth.
His eyes met mine, and I smiled widely, knowing that I had the upper hand. I could feel such delicious emotions coming from him; confusion, fear, fury. Not all were directed towards me, mind you, but they were fulfilling, all the same, and I drank them in, eager for the extra power.
“Lina,” he said, his voice strained. I could feel his sudden grief, and I was grateful for it. “Lina, have you really turned? But why?”
I shook my head. “You don't get it. I don't know you, and you sure don't know me. So shut up and let's just fight already, will you?”
He blinked slowly. Them a shadow fell over his face. He lowered his head and clenched his fists, gritting his teeth. I grinned, holding out my hands and calling up more power, eager to start fighting again. It was fun, and this Zelgadis was amusing.
I could feel the power building from him, and from the way his hands began to glow, he was beginning to call up a powerful spell. I held out my hands, and closed my eyes, concentrating on my own summoning. I commanded my power to surround me, to guard me, and when I opened them, I was covered by a thin grey veil of power. I grinned at Zelgadis, but he merely opened his eyes and completed his spell.
He held out his hands and shouted out, “Dynast Bras!”
I jumped, feeling something shake me, and an encircled star appeared beneath me. Before I could bring up my defenses below, Zelgadis released the magic he was holding, and I felt it bite into me like a shockwave.
It was debilitating and it was painful, and I hated it. I gritted my teeth through the pain, swinging my hands down sharply, and his ward vanished into a burst of my own black light before disappearing quickly. I glared at him, trying not to be obvious that I was hurt, but he merely smiled faintly, understanding that in fact he had been successful with his spell.
“So it's true,” he murmured, his eyes growing dark. I could feel the sadness well up inside him, and although I wanted to take it from him, to grow strong from his pain, something inside me held me back. I felt something, something nagging the back of my brain, and I couldn't understand what it could possibly be.
“So you're a Mazoku,” he breathed. His shoulders suddenly sagged. “So, you really did only care about power, didn't you, Lina?” His voice turned sharp and accusatory. “You only ever cared about yourself, didn't you, Lina! All you ever wanted could be yours, if you turned into something else. And you did it. Is that why Gourry isn't with you, Lina! Did you kill him!”
I glared at him, my teeth bared, slowly getting a grip on myself. “I don't know who the hell you keep talking about, but it's bothering me,” I growled.
Zelgadis ran to the side and grabbed his sword back up before I could even react. He was quick, even in a heavy stone body. He came forward, holding the sword out, the tip aimed at me. “Did you kill him, Lina?”
I stood my ground, slowly standing back up to my full height. “I haven't been able to kill anyone yet,” I snapped. “Xellos-san said it wasn't time.”
Zelgadis hesitated, his grip on the hilt of the sword tightening. “You haven't yet?” he repeated slowly.
“No, you idiot, but you're starting to piss me off, and I don't like to be angry!” I jumped forward, held out my hands, and fired a quick burst of power. The power took shape, into a razor-sharp crescent, and struck Zelgadis on the shoulder. He grunted, dropping his sword and clutching his other hand to his shoulder, and for a moment, I was doubtful that my hit did anything.
Soon, though, I noticed the red shine of human blood seep through his fingers, and felt the physical pain tear into his body, and I knew my hit had been true.
I started forward again, but a hand clamped down on my shoulder, and I felt Xellos's overwhelming presence once more. Zelgadis glared at Xellos, pure hatred surging from him. “Enough, Lina-san,” Xellos said softly, his eyes opened and settled on the chimera. “You've given him the message.”
I shrugged off his shoulder angrily and shook my head, but didn't say anything. I couldn't. Xellos outranked me and what he said, went.
For now, anyways. I couldn't help but think that if I improved on my power I could someday outrank him.
I turned my attention back to the to, who were glowering at eachother with unsuppressed rage and hatred. “Xellos,” Zelgadis spat, “you know you won't get away with it. You know that he's coming for her. And I have every intention to help him.”
Xellos grinned, his eyes glinting, and I felt a small chill, the look quashing my thoughts of domination. “Exactly my plan, Zelgadis-san. I WANT Gourry-san and the rest of you to follow. I WANT you all to come and find us. And when Lina-san kills you all, the people who meant the most to her when she was a human, it will be the day that I have finally won, and the day that she is mine.”
He turned to me, clamped his hand down on my shoulder again, and we phased out, leaving the bewildered chimera behind.
I blinked, my eye twitching. I don't think Xellos realized that I could hear him. Otherwise, he wouldn't have said what he said. Would he? Either way, I just realized something, something that was huge.
I had been human, and the people I was after, the people that Xellos wanted me to kill, had been my friends. And somehow, that meant much more to me than I ever thought imaginable.
Dramata

14.2
After a long walk from the destruction of Taloto's house we had finally reached the cave which would allow us to transport to the gateway in the Pillar of Light. We walked through the dark murky tunnels and I was reminded of the events that occurred last time we were here. I wish it didn't because it only reminded me of Lina, and I realised that I hadn't truly been thinking about her and I was only thinking about getting her back. I stopped for a moment which caused Amelia to stop too and look at me strangely.
“Gourry-san? What's wrong?” She then walked up to me. I was just looking down with my bangs covering my eyes, and I could just see her feet.
“With all the time I've been training, I've not really thought about Lina, but just now I have. I miss her, Amelia.”
“It's ok. It just means you care about her. Let's keep going and you'll find out soon enough how to get her back.” I nodded in response, keeping a little quiet because of my thoughts for Lina. We travelled through until we got to the room with the transporter. I stopped and looked around the room slowly before heading over to the control panel.
“Uhhh…Amelia? Do you know how to work this thing?” I asked. Amelia bounced over to join me and looked at it. She then placed a hand on her chin and began concentrating.
“I don't really know.”
“Maybe we could just press a few random buttons.” I started reaching out but Amelia grabbed my hand before I could do so.
“Gourry-san! Don't you remember what happened last time we used this thing? Jilas sent us to the middle of the ocean!”
“Oh yeah…but what else are we supposed to do?” I reached down to the control panel and pressed a few buttons, pulled a lever and just generally did what seemed right. I figured that if I just let it happen then it would somehow come out alright, it happened before so why not now?
We then stood on the platform and I could see Amelia cringing as the bright light enveloped us both and carried us off. I could just see the world pass by as we were transported and I looked out and saw that at least we were heading in the right direction. Below us was the ocean that I suddenly remember plummeting towards until Filia saved us, we didn't have that luxury this time if something did go wrong.
We closed in on the Pillar of Light and then soon entered it which revealed the gateway. The glowing light that was containing Amelia and me slowly faded and dropped us down on the platform. I looked over to Amelia and grinned a little smugly but she just pulled her tongue at me. I then looked around and saw the five objects which the Dark Star weapons were held in. I walked over to one of them and recognised it as the one the Sword of Light was held in. I ran a hand over it slightly and thought a little bit about how Lina used to always try and take it off me, and I never did. I gave a slightly sad smile and then turned around.
I saw Amelia slowly walking around, looking at the other object but then my eyes were drawn to the centre. Something about it made me walk towards it. I felt there was something about it. I caught Amelia looking over at me and then she walked over to me as I walked to the centre spot and looked up.
“Is this it?” She asked me.
“I don't really know, but I can feel it inside.” I then closed my eyes and thought about nothing but Lina. I concentrated on her and thought about what I wanted to the most, and what I was willing to give for it.
“GOU…!”
I opened my eyes immediately as I hear Amelia's panicked voice, but I didn't see Amelia anymore. I didn't see the gateway I was just stood on. I was somewhere else but I wasn't sure where at first, then I felt the pain in my stomach, and a sudden sense of deja-vu filled me. I reached down with my hand and saw the blood on my hand. I fell to my knees and then I heard that awful chuckle again, it was Xellos and he started choking me again with the staff. I then realised that I was being forced through the entire event again of Lina being taken away.
I fought harder this time; I thought maybe this was it. This was my chance to get Lina back and not make the same mistake but this was the wrong place. I needed to be back before I was hit in the stomach. I fought against the staff but I couldn't get free and I was forced through the horrible event again. I watched as Lina was taken away from me and I was unable to do anything about it. I lay there sobbing instead of blacking out this time.
I got up slowly, looking around me and wondered what I was supposed to do now, and then I felt the pain in my stomach again. My eyes widened as he wondered what was happening, but before I knew it I was going through the entire thing again. I fought even harder this time to the point that Xellos grabbed an arm and broke it to stop me fighting. I howled in pain but I kept fighting.
It was useless though as I just went through the event yet again and was left alone. And then it happened again, and again. I don't know how many times I went through it but each time I did, I felt a part of me break off and fall away. I started fighting less and less but felt more pain each time as I had to go through the pain of watching Lina being taken away. I felt like I was losing my mind, and after time I started to forget about Zel. I forgot about Amelia, and I started to forget everything else. Each part of my mind being swallowed up by chaos and there was nothing I could do about it.
I fought onto the memories of Lina though, I refused to forget those but the chaos grew stronger and started pulling those pieces away from me too. And with each memory I lost a bit of Lina. I lost the fights we had with food; I lost the fights we had with each other because I said something stupid. I forgot the adventures we had together.
I watched Lina being taken away again and I barely knew who she was anymore, but now I was racked with pain and sadness more from the fact that I was losing my mind and my memories of Lina. She was not only being taken away from me physically, but mentally also.
Only one memory remained and I used everything I had to keep a hold of that. That was when I got Lina back from L-sama, and we shared that hug and then that beautiful kiss. That was the one thing I refused to let go of, and I was willing to let every other part of me go apart from that one memory. I could feel the chaos crashing hard against me, and I was racked with agony and pain, but I held onto it nevertheless.
It hit again harder and harder, each time giving me more and more pain but I still refused to let it go. Then in time I felt it subsiding, and then it stopped. I opened my eyes and felt my cheeks wet and stained with tears. I looked infront of me and there I saw Lina, but it wasn't Lina also. The memory wasn't totally there since it was taken away by the chaos. Slowly I stood up and stepped towards the person who I recognised as Lina.
She looked exactly like her, the clothing, her figure, her cheeks, her lips. But then her eyes didn't seem right. The other was that she was wrapped in a glow of gold. I stepped forwards another step, being cautious of what I was seeing. And then the person spoke.
“Gourry Gabriev…” She spoke but it was like her voice was all around me. I didn't recognise the name, was that my name? Maybe it was because I didn't see anyone else. “Your thoughts of the one named Lina Inverse have helped you survive this place. This is a place of chaos where no human should ever be able to survive. For this I shall listen to what you have come here to ask.
I blinked a little in confusion and looked closer and the person.
“But aren't you Lina?” I asked, my voice croaked and strained.
“No, I am merely taking the form of Lina. I have taken this form to allow you to understand, because in reality this entire place is my being. I am the Sea of Chaos, the Lord Of Nightmares.”
I stood there for a moment trying to take it in, and then I felt a golden glimmer in my mind. With that came a memory, a memory that I had seen this form before me before. Along with that came a flood of memories and I suddenly began to remember again, I remembered who I was and I remembered the others and the other memories I had just lost. But more importantly I remembered why I had come here.
“I've come here to ask for your help. Lina, who summoned you three years ago, has become a mazoku but not of her will. She became a mazoku to keep me alive. I need your help to turn her back into the person she really is. You've brought her back to me once before, and I need you to bring her back to me again.”
I looked at her face, and it didn't change one bit. It was completely emotionless.
“I remember such an event. By summoning me, Lina sacrificed herself and caused her being to become nothing. But you, you one human dared to touch me all because you wanted her back. I granted that request because I realised that you belonged to each other. However I cannot grant your request this time.”
“WHY?” I yelled.
“Because it is not in my power to do so.” She was more emotionless that Veryna, her voice was somehow even colder.
“How is that possible! You are the one who created everything right? Doesn't that mean you have power over everything? Then you should be able to turn Lina back! You're going to do it now or so help me!” I'm not sure what I was doing but with the thought of not being able to get Lina back sent me wild. I unsheathed the Blast Sword and headed straight for her, but before I got even close I felt a forceful blast throw me back. It didn't just blow me down, but I felt it blow through me and felt every inch of my body.
“Foolish human, what makes you think you can attack me?”
“I don't know…” I groaned as I pushed myself of the ground. “I think because you're the only who I thought could turn Lina back, and without her I'm nothing. So if you can't turn her back then why should I even bother carrying on?”
“Because you are the only one who can bring her back.” I froze for a moment as I took the surprise information in.
“Nothing I do can turn her back from a mazoku to a human. She has to realise that being a human is what she really wants, and only you are able to light that fire inside of her. Not even my power can overcome the power that two share as both Lina and you do. It was that power that brought Lina back to you the first time, and it is that power that will bring her back to you this time.”
I sheathed the sword as I stood up straight and slowly began to realise what it was I had to do.
“Thank you…” I said a little meekly.
“You shall be returned from where you came.” And at that point I felt that blast once more, but instead of bringing me pain, it made me unconscious.
I woke up with a stir, and felt like I was on something soft; it must have been a bed. But I was confused because I thought I was supposed to be at the gateway. I opened my eyes slowly and saw Amelia standing over me.
“Unnghh…Amelia?...Where am I?” I felt a little pain throughout my body, but mainly I was tired.
“We got you to an inn when you returned; we're not that far from the cave.” I blinked a little.
“We?” I asked. I then turned my head to see Zel sat in the corner of the room, and he gave a little wave.
“Zel came as soon as he came across Lina.”
“LINA?” I sat up sharply, only to regret as I felt queasy. Zel came over and along with Amelia pushed me back down on the bed.”
“Lina attacked me whilst I was searching for my cure. I knew I had to try and find you guys as quickly as possible, so I went to Seyruun to find Amelia, but found she had left with you and Lina, to see Veryna. I worked out where you were heading from some of the notes I found laying around after you left which Phil kept. I then met Veryna who told me where you had gone. I managed to get transport over but had to go by the cave where the transporter was and managed to get lucky by bumping into Amelia.” Zel told me. At least I think that's what he said, because he went on for ages and I was pretty worn out at the time.
“Yeah, I went to get help the second you came back unconscious because I couldn't carry you myself and was lucky to bump into Zel who helped carry you out of there and back here, where you've been resting ever since. So, what did L-sama say?”
I frowned a little at first. “She can't help us…she says she doesn't have the power to turn her back.” Both Zel and Amelia gasped simultaneously.
“But how is that even possible? She made everything, this world, the other worlds, and all of us.” Zel spat out in slight anger and frustration.
“She did help me though; I just don't think it's going to be easy. She said that Lina has to want to turn back herself, and I'm the only one who can make her realise it.” I said softly. I could see the look on Zel's face. “What is it Zel?” I asked.
“That's definitely not going to be easy. Lina's definitely changed. She's nothing like the way she used to be, she even looks differently. I've got no idea how you'll be able to get in close to her to even make her realise who she really is. I don't think she even knows who she is, the whole process must have affected her badly.”
“Well I have to do it! There has to be a way, because if there isn't one, then I will have to make one myself!”
Kurage

14.3
I felt sick. Ill. Nauseas. Something inside me was rebelling. Or maybe I was just furious and it was all causing me to react in a strange way.
They had lied to me, but why was it surprising to me? Mazoku were creatures that only felt the need to serve themselves. Why would I feel this angry this frustrated, this ill, if it was expected that I would eventually be lied to or betrayed?
The truth was that I hadn't been expecting it. For all of my brazen thoughts and way of being and living and doing, I really and truly believed that Xellos had been sincere. Why was I naïve? Mazoku can't be naïve. From birth, they're jaded. Aren't we?
It came down to this:
1. I could stay and deal with the fact that I had been human, I had had a life as a human, I was sent to destroy the people I knew, and I was lied to about it all. I could maybe mention the whole lie in process, but not make a big deal out of it, play along, and continue to serve. All while compromising my own feelings and thoughts and wants.
2. I mention something, maybe accuse Xellos of something, and end up getting my ass kicked. That much I knew was definite. Mazoku do not like being second-guessed, and second-guessing him I would definitely be doing. And then what would I do? I wouldn't be able to advance in power like I wanted, and then I would be left with the underlings, shamed and unable to get the best meals.
3. I get the hell out of there and try to find a way to never be found and try to make it on my own as a newborn Mazoku who has just come into her powers. Which would be doubtful, because Juuo-sama has spies everywhere, and even if she didn't, it would be easy to find me. And I didn't know enough about survival to survive.
So, if you looked at it from all angles, I was screwed, no matter what I did. There was no way I could continue to blindly follow while my “creators” bossed me around and destroyed whatever life I had before I became better. However, I could hardly go back to whatever life I had had before. Clearly I would not have become what I was if the life had been so wonderful, so why go back?
So I had the option of playing dumb and bringing it up once, only then to afterwards devise up my own plans and be double-edged. If they wanted a weapon, I would be one, but they would also be the ones to get hurt, not just the people they used me against.
When we made it back, Xellos made it simple for me. “You heard what I said, right?” he asked.
I nodded slowly, unsure of what to say.
“So then you must have questions about it,” he concluded. His eyes were still closed, but I could tell that he was scrutinizing me. I didn't like it too much, but my curiosity weighted more than my pride.
I repeated the gesture, crossing my arms over my chest. He smiled and leaned back, cradling his chin in one hand. “Ah, Lina-san, ever the curious.”
I didn't say anything.
He took the hint. “Yes, it's true that we created you, but we created you from a human first. Truth be told, you were very unhappy with your life and you needed a change. You begged and pleaded with a lesser Mazoku in a temple one night, and he brought you to our attention. Juuo-sama was so pleased that she wanted you to be one of her own personal servants. So we took you in, wiped your memory, and made you a Mazoku. You can understand why we did it, can't you?”
I thought for a moment. “Which is why I had a different last name,” I said quietly.
“Yes, indeed,” Xellos agreed. “You were so unhappy that you also begged us to change your name. The people we want you to kill are those that made your life so miserable.”
I doubted it. That Zelgadis was far from the vindictive type; I could tell. He seemed more hurt and upset at seeing me than actually angry. And wouldn't someone who hated me want me to be gone? But I didn't say anything to Xellos. This was all kept to myself, lest I get myself into trouble.
“And the other person he was talking about?” I asked.
Xellos nodded. “Ah, yes, Gourry. He was a man that broke your heart, you see. He's one of the main reasons why you wanted to join us. You wanted revenge on him as well. And he deserves it, Lina-san, after the way he treated you.”
I struggled not to frown. That didn't sound right either. “You know that he's coming for her.” That's what Zelgadis had said to Gourry. Why would someone who broke my heart want to come after me? It didn't add up, didn't make sense. It sounded good, but it had no concrete feel to it. It sounded way too fabricated to be real.
I wanted to yell at Xellos, to demand how stupid and naïve he thought I was, that even though I was human before, I sure as hell wasn't now, and I was not an idiot when it came to Mazoku subtlety and lies.
But I didn't.
“Okay,” was all I said, nodding slowly. I forced a smile. “So, when do I actually get to encounter this Gourry? When to I get to get the okay from Juuo-sama?”
“Patience,” Xellos answered, not really an answer at all. “He's almost ready for you, and once he is, we'll make an appearance. Or rather, you alone will. You won't need me for this one.”
“Alone?” I repeated.
“Definantly, Lina-san. This is going to be a personal battle for the both of you. Not only will it be a wonderful opportunity to get a good dinner, but you'll be getting rid of your most hated adversary as a human.” He grinned. “Don't you want that?”
Something stank. I wondered, once I had done that, once I had killed this Gourry, then what? What would happen to me? What would be the point of my living? Would I just be a pawn to use, to get even with people, my enemies or otherwise? What kind of existence was that?
I froze. Mazoku are not supposed to have thoughts like that. Mazoku exist only for the destruction of life and happiness. Why would I second guess and also assume that there is more to life than that? There wasn't.
Wasn't there? Wasn't there?
I swallowed, and Xellos's voice took me out of my reverie. “Get practicing, Lina-san. I want you in top shape when you go into battle tomorrow.”
I nodded, mute. He must have taken it as a sign of concentration, for he smiled and left, walking out of the room and going to the upper levels. I stood there, my insides roiling with these thoughts and feelings inside of me.
It was too much. Was this how Gaav felt when he merged with a human spirit? Was this how Phibrizzo felt when he realized his dreams weren't realized? Or was this all myself, because I had been human, and there was still some human left in me?
How could there be? How could there possibly be any human left in me? There was no way, and yet...As I stood there, staring at nothing, I realize. And yet there was, wasn't there? The confusion, the innate curiosity, the constant second-guessing. All human qualities and traits. The urge to rebel was a normal Mazoku feeling, but the aforementioned was not.
If the urge to rebel was normal, then I could get away with it. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. Everything was like a swirl of strangeness and confusion. No one to trust, nowhere to go, no one to talk to. It was a lonely feeling, something that I KNEW was human and not Mazoku. It was so tearing, feeling these dual feelings that both belonged to her. I couldn't take it much longer. It was driving me CRAZY...
But there was nothing I could do...
Dramata

14.4
I suddenly felt my whole body rack with pain and I had to curl up in the bed to try and stop some of the pain. I felt Zel's and Amelia's hands trying to pin me down and then I could hear the words from Amelia which soon caused the pain to go away and I slowly relaxed, my sharp breaths slowing down. I opened my eyes to see the concerned looks.
“What happened in there?” Amelia asked, concern filling her eyes.
“I'd rather not talk about it; I'll be fine with some rest. How long was I in there?”
“A few seconds at most probably. It was not that long.” My eyes widened. “Why Gourry-san? How long did it feel like in there?”
“Years…” I could see the look on Zel's face but I just shrugged it off in the end. “I'm just glad I wasn't really gone for years!” I smiled widely, doing my best to make fun of the situation.
“But Gourry…that was the Sea of Chaos. People aren't supposed to survive in that place, the chaos consumes them. You must have been put through torture.” Zel downplayed the situation as usual, making it serious again.
“Maybe…I got the information I needed, so it doesn't matter now. I just need rest and then we have to go off and find Lina.” I sighed a little.
“Well I don't think we'll be finding her, she's going to find us.” Zel responded. I then realised I didn't know what Lina was like now.
“Zel. How is she? Lina…” I then asked him.
“As I said before, she's changed. Her appearance is different, probably to what she has chosen. She's angry, and not like angry when you stole her food, angry like the world has pissed her off. She seems confused though, she probably won't even know who you are. She didn't really know me, I think the only thing she knew about me was what Xellos told her, and he'll probably do the same about you. He'll probably tell her lies about you. We're Lina's only link to her human life, and with what L-sama had said, the only ones who can really turn her back into a human. I don't think Xellos will want us to interfere with that.”
I felt more anger for Xellos now. I was infuriated with the thought of the lies he would be clouding her mind with. I just hoped there was still some sort of human side to her, because with that I knew we would have a chance, and that she might reject some of the lies because I knew that she was smart.
I looked over to Amelia and then Zel for a moment, and remembered our little talk before getting to the gateway.
“Maybe you two should go and talk about where we should go to find Lina whilst I get some rest.” I then winked towards Amelia and made it so Zel didn't notice. Amelia nodded and suddenly looked a little flushed before shepherding Zel out of the room and leaving me alone in the room.
I wanted to get out of the bed and run, I wanted to find Lina alone and try and turn her back. I didn't want the others there because I knew what might happen. Lina would probably want to fight, and being a mazoku she would probably be stronger than she was before. I didn't like the thought of going up against someone similar to Lina's power, but to face Lina who would be even stronger made me scared.
I was scared because I didn't want to harm her, I could stand the thought of making her hurt, I promised to protect her. I knew if the others were to try and attack Lina I would probably end up stopping them rather than Lina. That's why I didn't want them to be there, I didn't want to have my friends torn apart.
I got out of the bed and slowly made my way to the window, using every object nearby to make sure I stayed upright. I opened the window allowing some fresh air in and looked out at the scenery. I wondered what Lina was doing right at that moment, was she thinking about anything, and was she even able to feel anymore. I just hoped that deep down inside of her somewhere, she refused to let go of the feelings she had for me, just like I held onto the feelings of her in the chaos.
I headed back to the bed and knew with the way I was feeling now, I was in no state to face up against Lina or Xellos. I got into the bed and closed my eyes, and due to weariness I was sleeping within seconds. I opened my eyes and knew straight away where I was, and I growled.
“I told you already and I meant it! Now get the hell out of my head!” I yelled.
“There's no need to shout.” I jumped and turned immediately to see Veryna standing behind me.
“How do I even know this is you now?” I growled in anger.
“You just have to trust me. But I know what you're thinking about Lina and you can't just stand by and do nothing if she starts attacking you. Don't you realise she's a mazoku now, and she's going to attack you whether you attack her or not, and if you don't do anything, you'll wind up dead.”
“How do you know? How can you even tell if she'll attack me or not? She might be a mazoku but she still used to be human and I know that she's resisted losing that part of herself. If she wanted to be mazoku then I might agree with you, but it was against her will. I know she'll fight with everything she has not to lose that part of herself. She might not know it, but it's in there somewhere, and I'll find it.”
“Oh but Gourry-san, I assure you that there is not one bit of human left in Lina.” I turned around to see Xellos standing there, with the usual smirk on his face. “So you went to see her. How was she? Did she give you some magical item which would turn mazoku into humans, and frogs into princes?” I just clenched my fists but bit back the anger.
“She just told me the information I needed to know, and that's all that matters.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Oh well, let's just hope you don't happen to forget it. That would be such a terrible shame. Thanks for the meal Gourry-san.” He then waved and then opened his eyes slightly to look at Veryna. He then phased out, and I turned back to Veryna.
“I'm not attacking Lina, I'm not going to cause her any harm even if she does to me.” I glared at Veryna. “Just be glad I'm on another continent at the moment and have other problems to deal with first.”
I woke up and sat up immediately from the bed. I didn't feel so weak, if anything I felt much stronger. I looked around and realised it was morning. I got out of bed and gathered my things together, then got changed and headed out of the room. I went down the stairs to the restaurant where I saw Amelia and Zelgadis deep in discussion; they definitely seemed a lot closer.
“Morning guys, how's things?” I then managed to get my order in because I was starving. The two of them blushed slightly and moved apart sharply and they both mumbled a little. “Umm, ok. So what are we going to do?” The first of my large order then arrived which I began devouring immediately.
“Well, we weren't really sure. We tried a few ideas but couldn't really think of the best one.” Amelia managed to reply. I knew it was lies and that they hadn't been talking about where we should go to find Lina. It was my fault really as I did tell her to talk about those other things.
“Well I think we should head towards where they are based, Wolf Pack Island right? If they don't come for us then we'll just go to them. If they want to come to us then they'll find us on the way.” I managed to mumble between mouthfuls of sausages and bacon. The two just seemed to nod in agreement and I shook my head a little, I was beginning to know how Lina felt, trying to lead the group, I just had the luck of not having myself to deal with!
When I finished the breakfast, we started heading off back to our home continent. Along the way I surprised Zel with my attempts at magic and began to get a little tutoring from him, but the fireball still seemed to not work for me. I was just told to keep practicing, as I had to realise it took everyone else a long time to learn these spells and I was taking the quick course. After a few days we managed to get a boat to head back to our continent. I left Amelia and Zel alone to talk things through whilst I leant against the side, watching the waves crash by. I just wanted to get Lina back whatever it took because I knew that being alone was not what I wanted to be. Lina gave me meaning to life and without her I didn't know what else to do except find a way to get her back.
Kurage

14.5
I had nothing else to do.
So I practiced.
I used all of the energy I had - from anger, from confusion, from frustration - and poured into honing my skill and mastering my power.
I discovered many ways to use my power. It came in the shape of crescents - something I already knew - but these shapes could be sharpened and blunted with a mere blink of my eye or thought. I could control their speed and their strength, according to my own will-power and desire, and although it was a little confusing and taxing at first, eventually I got the hang of it, and soon I was pleased with how well I managed to advance.
The best thing about this was that I didn't have to think about anything at all. I didn't have to think about what my masters were planning, and how it made me feel to even think that someone was even my master, or why I would feel that way at all about the word masters.
I didn't have to think about the upcoming battle where I would have to face these figures from a life I had apparently abandoned to become what I was today. I didn't have to think about what kind of person this Gourry was or whether or not the chimera Zelgadis survived or who else I had hurt or gotten angry when I made my change.
I also didn't have to think about what I felt about anything, when all I could possibly feel was confusion, that of all of the emotions I could possibly feel at that time in that moment, all I could feel was confusion and apprehension at what was to come.
Did I mention I didn't have to think about these things?
I didn't have to. But of course I did. Over and over again, on and on, all while sharpening my skills and making myself stronger. The more I did it, the more I wanted to become stronger, to see if strength could replace all of the other emotions I felt.
In all of the memories I had, I couldn't find anything that related to my own situation. I had memories of several humans becoming Mazoku, but none had found transition as rough as I did. Was it simply something I was unable to let go? And what was that something I couldn't shake? What was it that left me unsettled and unwilling to obey like a normal Mazoku?
I gritted my teeth and flung my arm down hard, the movement wrenching my shoulder. A burst of chaotic black energy erupted from my hands and crashed into the wall in front of me, almost like a protest, but I ignored it. I ignored everything. I was trying to go deeper, trying to dig what was inside of me, trying to find what was it that kept me from being what I must have wanted to be. Otherwise...why else would I be?
As I looked, my hits became more erratic and unfocussed. As I looked deeper within myself, my power splayed out into the air and crackled with raw and unspent energy. My anger and frustration was building, and all I could find were holes and gaps and missing pieces in the clockwork of myself.
There was nothing there! Nothing was there! Nothing!
I flung both my hands downwards so hard that the force sent me down to my knees and the summoned energy smashed into the battered wall. I sat there, breathing deeply, shutting my eyes and trying to concentrate, trying to lose my mind inside myself in hopes to finally locate what was amiss.
And that's when it happened.
Even though my eyes were shut, I felt it. A harsh, painful stinging. I jolted, never feeling anything like it before in my life. My eyes snapped open, and the stinging remained. I felt a wave of fear, because for the moment, I thought I was going blind. Had I gone too far? Was I being punished? I blinked slowly, noticing that my vision had altered; it was blurry and fuzzy.
I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, trying to adjust my eyesight, and that when I felt the twin trails of liquid run down my cheeks. I reached up quickly to my eyes, touching them, then looking at my fingers. It wasn't blood. It was water.
This was something I was not prepared for. I stared at my moistened fingers, unable to comprehend it all. But no matter how much I wiped the water away, more kept coming. I couldn't rid of it. And for some reason, the more I tried to smother the tears, the worse it felt.
I sat there, staring hard at the ground, watching the water leak from my eyes and hit the cold floor below me.
What the hell? Mazoku don't cry, I thought, biting my lip hard. For I realized that what I was doing, belatedly, was crying. It's what humans did when they felt strong emotions. But as a rule, no matter how strong the feeling was, Mazoku do not cry. They simply can't. Their bodies, the ones that seem to be human, are unable to produce anything like tears. The simulation, the illusion of tears could be created, yes, but I sure as hell wasn't doing that. These were real. These were coming from inside of me, and they had emotions inside of them that I just didn't want to face in myself.
I waited, but they wouldn't stop. I patiently sat there, letting the tears fall from my eyes and down my face and into my mouth but they did not stop. I shouted and growled and slammed my fists on the floor in frustration, but they kept on going. I tried to rid myself of all emotion and tried to sit there and do nothing, but I would not be rid of them.
I changed my position, from sitting on my knees to wrapping my arms around my legs. I shut my eyes and buried my face into my knees, the confusion and discomfort tearing me apart inside.
I prayed that no one would see me this way.
I couldn't leave now. I couldn't be killed now. I had to know the truth. I had to see this man with my own eyes, and know if what I was told was real or fake.
If it was real, I would kill him. That much I knew. I wouldn't hesitate to kill him. If it was real, he deserved it.
But if it was fake, I wasn't sure what would happen. I couldn't go back. I didn't feel anything for him. I didn't even know him. But one thing was for sure; I wasn't a human but I wasn't a Mazoku. I was some kind of human-Mazoku hybrid who cried and felt bloodlust and feasted on emotion. If it was fake, I would kill myself, because there was no way I could exist that way, always in-between, always confused and not the person anyone had known me as on either side. No. I refused to live that way.
Somehow, the tears stopped, finally. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. They were damp, but when I rubbed them, they dried. I got to my feet and smoothed out my clothes slowly.
I felt a slow, peaceful calm spread through me.
At least now, I thought, I have a plan. At least now, I know exactly what to do when the time comes. And I know I won't hesitate either way.
I took a breath, concentrated, and started practicing again, as if nothing had ever happened.
Dramata

14.6
The ship docked at a small village not far from Sairaag in the empire of Lyzeille. We got off the ship and I stood for a moment whilst Amelia and Zel walked ahead of me. My mind was thinking about what was about to happen, and I wasn't sure if I was able to go through with it. I was going to have to somehow face up against Lina and she was going to be different from how I remembered her. Would I be able to hold up to seeing that change, not only in her look but very possibly her personality? I had no plans of attacking her and causing her harm, never mind killing her, but she was going to want to kill me if she faced up against me surely. Or would she still have something inside her which would stop her from doing so. I didn't know what to think anymore, there was too much unknown. I just didn't know if I could do any of this anymore.
“Gourry-san. Let's go get Lina back.” The voice from Amelia shook me out of the thoughts in my head. I just nodded and followed without saying a word, without telling them of my doubts. I just stayed behind the two of them who were walking side by side. They weren't really together, but they seemed closer than the way they used to be. At least something good came out of all of this then, I'm sure Lina would have something to say about that.
We took a break and I started practicing as usual, doing the first few spells that I had learnt, but they weren't all that powerful still. Just a weak Lighting spell, or a weak Flare Arrow that I wasn't even sure would cause much burning or harm, and then the Levitation spell which only got me a few feet off the ground. Then I tried that stupid Fireball again and nothing as usual, and it frustrated me. I tried harder and harder, thinking deeper within myself but I just couldn't find it.
I walked away from Amelia and Zel into a small part of a forest where I felt alone and then I took the Blast Sword out and struck a tree down with the pent up anger and frustration. Then I cut down another and another, each tree being knocked down was taking my anger with it, until I had no more left. I fell to my knees and breathed heavily as I felt the pain and sadness build up inside of me. My vision blurred and I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, so I covered my face with my arms.
“You know women like sensitivity in a man, and you're so sensitive, aren't you Gourry-san.” I turned around and glared at the priest who was standing a few feet behind me.
“What do you want? Another meal? Can't you do that without bothering me?” I responded sharply.
“Oh, but half of the fun is working for my meal.” He just smirked. I stood up slowly and sheathed the sword, but then suddenly stepped forward, grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and pinning him against the tree.
“I just want Lina back, and if you need to kill me for it, then get it done with.” I seethed through gritted teeth.
“Why would I give Lina back, someone who is so incredibly important, and switch it for your life which to be honest, is full of nothing?” His smirk never left his face, and it angered me more, but something in his words rang true.
“Then what am I supposed to do? What can I possibly do to get her back?” My grip on him loosened as my head started hanging down, I only realised now I was giving him a different sort of meal.
“Nothing. There is nothing you can do. I'd say give up and go meet someone else, and try to get on with your life, but instead I'm just going to have Lina kill you. There is something bittersweet about being killed by the one you love.” I let go of him and turned away from him.
“You're sick Xellos, has anyone told you that.”
“All of the time” I assumed he was just smirking still.
“Well let her kill me then, I'm not going to harm her, I wouldn't dare.”
“Now this is the thing that confuses me Gourry-san. You promised to protect Lina, but who says this is even Lina anymore. She's been changed, she's someone else. The Lina you know is long gone.” My eyes widened as I realised the situation. What Xellos had just told me and what Zel told me of his encounter with Lina, made me realise that maybe this wasn't Lina anymore.
“Xell…” I turned to him but he was no longer there, obviously he had made his point to me and that was something that suddenly put doubt in my mind. Was he saying all of that just to make me put up a fight, or was it true. But with what Zelgadis had told me, it started to make me wonder if this really was Lina.
I decided to head back to the others and when I met up with them, they looked a little flushed. I guess they must have been in the middle of something but at that time I didn't really care anymore.
“Zel, when you came across Lina, do you think there was anything left of her there, or was she someone completely different.” I watched him think it through before he replied.
“At first sight I didn't recognise her because of the different clothing. But I did recognise her face as I got closer. Her face, her hair, her voice and her eyes were all the same. The problem came when I started speaking to her, I don't think she really knew who I was, and when I started talking about you she didn't know who you were.” I felt hurt at those words, hearing that she no longer knew who I was, and I began to think that there was nothing left of the Lina I knew. I began doubting the Lord of Nightmares now too, despite what she said, how would it be possible to turn her back if there is nothing left of her in the first place.
“She's gone, isn't she?” My head hung down as I felt the tears returning.
“I don't believe that, Gourry-san!” Amelia's voice was filled with determination. “I refuse to accept that Lina-san will so easily be devoured by the darkness. She will fight because justice is truly in her heart even if she doesn't believe it. Gourry-san! I believe Lina is still in there somewhere, and she always will be as long as you believe in it. So don't give up, because if you do then so will she. You are the strongest link to Lina, and you are the only one who can bring her back. If you give up on her then she will be lost forever.”
I was surprised how strongly Amelia thought about it all, and I still can't believe it to this day but for once I was inspired by one of Amelia's speeches. I nodded in agreement and felt a sort of fire inside which helped me carry on. We soon left and carried on with our journey, following the southern coast of the continent. We walked by Sairaag which was near the end of being rebuilt once more. The place brought back more memories of Lina, those that were the strongest memories of her. It reminded me of how I fought with everything to get her back before, and I was going to fight with everything to get her back now.
Along the way Amelia and Zel decided to take my mind of the Fireball spell by trying to teach me a healing spell. They told me that it would be something really useful and I was convinced as I was reminded of what happened when Lina was harmed. If was able to heal her myself, she wouldn't have been poisoned. So I started to learn Healing. I thought that this would be harder to learn, since there were more things I had to learn, but after a lot of hard work I started to learn it.
Soon I was healing small cuts and wounds and felt really happy for myself. I thought to myself at that time that if there was one spell I had to remember out of all of them, Healing was the one I had to make sure I remembered. In-between though, I was still unable to cast the Fireball spell. I just began to wonder if maybe I was physically unable to do so.
We got to Atlas City and decided to stay at an inn that night, this time I decided not to do any training and instead just get some rest. I knew that I had to have a clear idea of what I was going to do when Lina came. I knew I was going to do my best at getting her back, but in the back of my mind I began to wonder if harming her might be necessary, if anything just to give me a chance to slow her down and allow me to talk to her. Maybe protecting her meant having to cause her harm so that I would be able to get her back. I stood by the window that night wondering where she was, hoping that somewhere in her, she remembered who I was.
Kurage

14.7
I was concentrating so hard I didn't even notice when Xellos walked in, and I ended up launching a fist full of minute crescents at him without thinking. Casually, he held forward his staff, and they vanished. That annoyed me a little. I think deep down, I was hoping for a better reaction, one that involved something cowardly.
Let's face it, I was not fond of anyone at the moment, least of all Xellos. From being freaked out by my own tears to acknowledging that I was a pawn, it was hard to like anyone, or at least have some affinity with them.
Xellos was no exception. In fact, he was more grievant. Because of his evasiveness and his lack of truth, he was far up on my list of people I could care less about. And I will also admit that yes, indeed, even though I wasn't aiming for him, I had hoped, when I saw him there, I would have hit him.
I looked up at him and blinked, pushing the hair from my eyes. He opened his eyes and glanced at me without a word, and he didn't need to say anything. I could feel his annoying, probing astral form close to mine. I shot him a deadly look, but he didn't pull away. I jerked away abruptly from it, but he smiled, apparently finding what he wanted, and he closed his eyes again.
“I see you're ready, Lina-san,” he said, his sing-song voice a grating sound in my ears. It also made me wonder what else he saw, if he saw anything else. Did he know what I had experienced? Or had I managed to pull away before he could? I hoped it was the latter and not the former, but knowing what I did of Xellos, he wouldn't say anything even if he had known it.
I sighed and nodded. “I guess so,” I replied. “I mean, I've been practicing for a few hours...and...” I made a face. “And I'm starving.”
Xellos chuckled lightly. “Indeed. Well, I can find you the perfect meal that you're after, if you like, Lina-san.”
I looked up sharply, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, I figured it was time. Why else would you show up?”
“I'm hurt,” he answered, pouting. “What makes you think I wouldn't visit you just for the sake of visiting you?”
I shook my head, rolling my eyes. “Because you aren't like that, as far as I know.”
Xellos suddenly brightened and grinned. “Well, you have me on that.” He held out his arm to me. “Shall we?” he wondered.
I frowned. “I thought you said I was going alone,” I answered.
“Ah, but you can't use phasing power yet,” he replied.
“Why the hell not?” I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest.
He shrugged. “Not too sure. But you need me to get there. Once you're there, they're all yours.”
I sagged. “Fine,” I snapped, grabbing onto his arm and digging my fingers in as hard as I could. His cheek twitched, and I felt much better at that.
We phased out, and phased back in standing in front of an inn, in the middle of a somewhat medium-sized town. It was dark, I saw, and there was very little activity around us.
I yanked myself away from Xellos. “So? Where is he?”
Xellos pointed forward. “Just in that inn over there. Be sure that you surprise him, Lina-san. The best meals are full of shock.”
“Whatever, get out of here,” I snapped.
His cheek twitched again, but he phased out.
Finally alone, I looked around, doing a quick check of the town. No other Mazoku in the area, I concluded. Just me. Mostly humans, some beast-people and some trolls, but no Mazoku. Just me. Alone.
I could run for it, I realized. I was alone, there were no spies, and Xellos was no where to be found. I could run, and never look back, and once they had realized that I was gone, it would be too late.
I seriously had to think about it, but ultimately my decision was obvious. I couldn't leave yet unless I was sure they were royally screwing me. And the only way to find that out was to attack the inn and the people within it.
I closed my eyes and looked inside of myself, holding out my hands and concentrating. Soon, my power built up, and when I opened my eyes, my hands were lit and glowing with my own rushing dark power.
For the moment, I felt much better. I felt free. I felt excited and happy and devious. I felt no worries and no conflict and I felt I could do anything. Because of these feelings inside of me, the laugh just bubbled up and out of my mouth, and it felt good to be laughing, so I laughed. I didn't realize how loud it was, and I didn't care. I just wanted to feel good again.
And then I let loose.
I released the power from my hands. I threw it forward, aiming for the lower foundation of the building. The crescents burst out, and I concentrated on them, making sure they were sharp and strong. They hit, with satisfying sounds of crumbling and breaking.
I held my hands forward again, readying another hit, preparing to onslaught the inn, until they came out and I had my answers, once and for all.
Dramata

14.8
I sighed a little, deciding it was getting a little late so I should start turning in. Only thing was before I had a chance to get washed and changed, I felt the floor beneath me shake and rumble. I grabbed onto the nearest stable object which happened to be the opening for the window. I held onto it tightly as I rode the shaking, wondering what could be causing it. Looking out the window, my question was answered as it appeared someone was attacking the inn. My first impressions being that it was a mazoku. My guess was that they were just trying to cause panic and mayhem, creating emotions they could feed on. I knew I had to stop it so I grabbed my sword and leapt out the window.
That was a bit of mistake considering there was a bit of a fall from the window to my room and the ground. I managed to concentrate quickly, and with great effort, I just about managed the Levitation spell. It managed to slow my descent but I still hit the ground pretty hard. I bent my knees to absorb the shock and then looked up with a glare to the mazoku that was attacking the inn. At that point I froze stiff, my eyes widening as though I had seen a ghost. I recognised the mazoku immediately, the face and eyes instantly recognisable.
“Lina…” I spoke softly. However she seemed more preoccupied with causing more havoc with the inn, sending what appeared to be crescent shaped black masses of energy. I looked back at the inn and could hear the sounds of the foundations breaking, dust and dirt being flung into the air. I knew it wasn't going to last much longer so I had to stop her somehow. I had to distract her and it meant trying to attack her, despite everything inside me telling me it was the wrong thing to do.
I ran towards her and unsheathed the Blast Sword, and I knew I had my opening because by the time she saw me coming, it was too late. The problem was that I was also left open by charging straight out her. The beam of crescent shaped black energy slowly turned towards me, but I continued towards her none the less. I felt one of the crescents skim the edge of my thigh, and I felt a bit of pain, then another one hit deeper into my side. I gritted my teeth but I lashed out at her with the sword, and I knew I cut into her side pretty deeply.
I ran passed her and felt my leg give away, but I managed to turn the fall into a roll. I managed the roll and also turned quickly so I was able to face her. I stayed on my knee and felt everything inside me scream that what I had just done was wrong, attacking Lina. The thing was I knew I had to stop her from destroying the inn and all those that were in it. I reached a hand down quickly to my side and started off the healing spell I had recently learned, doing my best to stop the bleeding. I knew I wouldn't heal it completely but if I could just stop the bleeding, I would last longer.
I saw her slowly turn towards me and the look on her face had changed. She seemed joyous, almost like she was free when she was blasting away at the inn. My eyes then glanced to behind her as I noticed some people fleeing the inn, and I was a little glad that they were able to escape. Then I noticed Amelia and Zelgadis run out towards me but then stopped dead in their tracks when they realised who was causing the attack on the inn.
“Lina…” I began, this time I knew she heard me, since now she was concentrating on me. I didn't have a lot of time now, and I knew she was pissed off with me for hurting her. Maybe I hadn't done the right thing by attacking her, but it was too late to worry about that. I had to try and get through to her and do it quickly.
“You don't want this Lina. You're not supposed to be a mazoku. You never wanted to be a mazoku.” I stood up slowly, the wound on my side not fully healed but the bleeding had stopped so that was enough. “I don't know what you remember, but you were forced into it. You were given the choice to turn into a mazoku, or watch me die.”
As I spoke to her, I slowly walked towards her. I knew that these words were making her think, whether it meant anything to her I still wasn't sure, but I had to try. I tried to slowly close in on her.
“I love you Lina, and you love me. At least you did love me. I don't know what Xellos has been telling you, but I can assure you that whatever it must have been, it was probably lies.” I stepped closer still, slowly reaching a hand out to her. Glancing to the others behind her, I could tell they were anxious with what I was doing, but I had to risk it. I was willing to risk it all to make her realise.
“There must be something inside you, Lina. There must be something in there which remembers this. You must be able to remember some part of the life you lead before you were changed. Despite what happened to, you must have held onto some of those thoughts. You must have refused to allow them to be taken away from you.”
Slowly I closed the distance between us, inch by inch, until I was within touching distance. Carefully I reached out and I took her hand in my own. The second I touched her seemed to shake her out of her thoughts and suddenly she glared at me. I knew I was in trouble and she suddenly thrust her other hand towards my stomach and felt the surge of energy hit through me.
I was flung back several feet and hit the ground hard, causing me to roll over on my side so much that I lost count of how many rolls I had done. I came to a halt and I lay there in agony, but instead of lying down and blacking out which I felt like doing. I held a hand to my stomach and felt the sticky blood cover my hands. Immediately I cast the healing spell and rose to my feet uneasily. I looked in the distance towards Lina, Zelgadis and Amelia and I knew they were now fighting each other. I cursed myself for moving things too quickly, I should have kept talking to her, but I couldn't regret it now. I was gonna go right back into the fray, but I had to try and heal myself first. The problem was the wound was too big, and I was never going to be able to heal it myself. I realised then that Amelia wasn't really fighting. Instead Zelgadis was trying to distract Lina, and allow Amelia to get to me.
Zel was successful as he suddenly turned Lina in the opposite direction. Amelia took advantage of the opening and Raywinged towards me. She avoided a few crescent attacks as Lina realised what was going on, but they stopped heading her way when Zel regained her focus. Amelia landed beside me as I fell back down to my knees, the spell dissipating in my hands, but Amelia renewed it with her own.
“Dammit Amelia, I scared her, I was too quick and I freaked her out.” I grumbled, wanting to get back up but Amelia held me down.
“You tried your best Gourry-san, but you can still try. Just let me heal you up first. We want to get Lina-san back, but with you intact too.” I nodded reluctantly and watched Zel try to handle Lina but I could tell it was a losing battle. Zel wasn't going to last much longer and I needed to help him soon. As I felt the energy come back I began helping Amelia with the spell to quicken it somewhat. Then the second she stopped I was back up to my feet and I charged straight towards Lina.
I watched as she threw another crescent attack at Zel, and it struck his leg, making him collapse to the floor and it left him open. I was shocked to see the ruthlessness of her as within seconds she had her hands raised ready to strike the death blow. I was lucky to reach her in time as I leapt and wrapped my arms around her waist, tackling her to the ground before she was able to attack Zel.
We both hit the ground and slid along, already battling for the advantageous position. Luckily I managed to stay on top of her and pinned her down by her wrists.
“Stop this now! Lina! You have to remember what you used to be. We're your friends and we care for you, and we want you back. You can turn back, I promise, you just have to want it.” I pinned her wrists down as hard as I could but she was stronger than me now and I could feel her fighting back, slowly pushing up against me. “Lina…find what human is left inside of you and remember, before you do something you'll regret!”
Kurage

14.9
I lay there, pinned by this large man known as Gourry, feeling the black blood ooze from my side and onto the ground below us. It didn't hurt; nothing did. I felt numb and detached and uncaring of anything. I could hardly breathe.
But he had me PINNED. And I couldn't move.
I had listened to what he had said before, and I lashed out, because I was furious; not with him, but with myself. I couldn't detect any duplicity from his words, and the emotions I could feel were not spite and hatred, but sadness and regret, feelings that a person would NOT have if they had just broken someone else's heart. I had hit him because he had just confirmed everything I had feared and felt was most likely true but secretly hoped it wasn't.
And then he touched me. And the touch sent me out of my reverie and gave me this feeling. It was a jolt in my insides, a tremor in my spirit, and I felt something inside me fight back, to the point of hurting me more than the physical wound did. So I lashed out. And it felt good. It distracted me from everything going on inside of me.
And then the chimera came out, with some other woman, and they were amusing for maybe a few seconds before they became dull. The chimera pulled me away from the other man while the woman went over to him. That was fine. I still had a score to settle with the chimera.
But it turned out that he wasn't much as well. One hit and he was down. Well, if I had to go down, I was going to take them down with me. My first kill would not be myself. It would have to be someone else.
But then that blond man pinned me, and I was down for the count, and I couldn't move! I couldn't phase out, I couldn't attack him. Without my hands, I couldn't summon up anything. Without the phasing power, I was helpless. So I had to lie there, and listen to his words, all of them, without being able to do anything but listen and occasionally try to squirm away.
And I listened.
I could turn back to a human? If I wanted to? But why would I want to? Even if I did, even if Xellos had done nothing but lie to me from the start, there was nothing I could do. I had become a Mazoku, and as far as I knew, mere will wasn't enough to change that. And that's when I started fighting him back, because he didn't understand, he didn't get that I was doomed no matter what, that I had no place to be alive anymore. I had no reason to be alive anymore. My existence was a joke.
And what did I have to regret? There was nothing. My life as a human I couldn't even remember, and my life as a Mazoku was already over before it really could begin.
When I realized that, I felt that emotion, that feeling inside of me that I couldn't get a hold of, break loose. It consumed my entire being, and I felt that unnatural stinging come to my eyes again before I realized, finally, what it was.
It was something else. It was the one thing Xellos couldn't be rid of. He could get rid of my humanity; he could get rid of my human emotions and human memories. He could get rid of my human shape and mind and body, even my human spirit, but even when he gutted me, he missed it. He missed the one thing he should have gotten first.
It was what was making me so conflicted. It was what made me doubt and made me feel and was making me cry at that precise moment. And when I felt the tears run down my cheeks, I gave up. I just slumped to the ground underneath him, feeling my chest aching, feeling the tears run down my face. I turned my head to the side so I wouldn't have to look at him. I couldn't bear it.
I heard him say my name, and his hold loosened. I didn't look up. He said it again, his voice full of genuine worry, and I could hardly stand it. I could hardly take it.
“You don't get it,” I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper. “I can't go back. I can't go back to a life I can't remember. But I can't stay like this anymore, either.” I shook my head slowly. “They messed up somehow and they don't know it. Only I know it now, and I can't live like this, always in-between...”
I felt a hand on my cheek, but I jerked away. I glared up at him suddenly, feeling the unspent rage fill inside me, mixed with human sadness and the worst human feeling of all.
“You see, they managed to change most of me. I'm Mazoku on the outside, and on the Astral Plain. My powers are Mazoku, my mind is Mazoku, but it's here that they damn well forgot!” I clutched my free hand to my chest tightly, wanting to pound it, to dig inside of it and remove everything that gave me feeling until I was numb and dead inside. “How could they forget! Or did they actually INTEND to do this! I don't know! I don't care! All I know is, this feeling, this stupid sucky love feeling I have inside of me for someone I don't even know but once knew is what is keeping me from being normal!”
I glared up at him, searching his confused and dazed eyes through my own tear-hazed. “I can't live like this! I can't come back to either side! I can't live! At ALL!” I grabbed onto his shoulders roughly and shoved him away, as hard as I could. He staggered back, and I got to my feet, wiping my eyes with my hands furiously. Only this time, the gesture wouldn't cease the tears.
I watched him stand up slowly. I glared right into his eyes, watching them tick over to the chimera briefly as he handed him back his sword. He took it, holding it loosely, looking back at me.
“You know what she says is true,” the chimera said softly, his own face shadowed with sadness. “There's nothing we can do for her now.”
The woman came up to his other side, shaking her head. “No...there has to be another way…” she murmured, her large eyes gazing unshielded into my own.
It was funny to see, as if it were the two sides of his conscience speaking to him. I could see his eyes shine briefly, gleaming with tears, before tightening his grip on the sword.
I nodded slowly. Without a word, I slumped down to my knees and lowered my head. I just wanted it to be over with. With every tear I felt run down my cheeks, with every throbbing pain in my chest, I wanted it to be over with.
So I just sat there, head down, and waited, hoping for it.
Dramata

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