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      <p align="left">Author:&nbsp;<a href="../../../Author/Approved/shosen.html"> 
		ShoSen</a><BR>Title:&nbsp; Shattered Glass</td>
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      <span style="font-size: 100%;"></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">&nbsp;<span style="font-size: 100%;"><p align="left">"Argh! That was awful!" Lina complains as we receive our keys from the innkeeper, "I just want to go to bed, I think I'm going to skip dinner."<br />
<br />
A slow, profound silence fills the small lobby as the three of us stare at her in shock. Amelia steps forward, clearly concerned. "Lina-san, are you sure?"<br />
<br />
"Well, can any of you eat after seeing that?"<br />
<br />
Another profound silence which is finally broken by Gourry. "I sure can't." A pause. "Lina, that wasn't you, was it?"<br />
<br />
"Gourry! How can you ask that!?" She looks really offended, I guess she should be, it wasn't exactly her style.<br />
<br />
"Well..."<br />
<br />
"No! It wasn't me okay! I'm bad but I'm not that bad. What happened today, that was beyond brutal."<br />
<br />
"Lina..." he has that look of confusion that is almost his signature now.<br />
<br />
"What?"<br />
<br />
"Then who did do it?"<br />
<br />
That's the question, isn't it? I wonder if they'll figure it out. We have another profound silence before Lina manages a hesitant answer, "Well, Xellos wasn't around after, and he hasn't returned yet, I think it must've been him."<br />
<br />
How amusing, the cocky mazoku has come in handy for once. Their faces go solemn as they absorb this theory and Amelia shudders,<br />
<br />
"Lina-san, after this, is it really safe for us to travel with him?"<br />
<br />
"We don't have any proof that he did it Amelia, besides, the only way we'll get rid of him is to kill him, and I'm not ready to try that yet."<br />
<br />
A not-quite-so profound silence falls as they head slowly to their rooms. I watch them leave, smiling behind the security of my mask and hood. None of them saw me, they don't know.<br />
<br />
{{{maybe it would have been better if they had seen}}}<br />
<br />
{{{no, it would have caused complications}}}<br />
<br />
{{{but if they'd seen}}}<br />
<br />
{{{they didn't there is no use in obsessing over what might have happened, it cannot be changed}}}<br />
<br />
{{{exactly, they didn't see so it does not matter}}}<br />
<br />
Still smiling, I turn to the innkeeper, "Have a pot of coffee and a light dinner sent to my room." When he nods I follow the path the others took and head towards my room.<br />
<br />
I sit staring at into the fire, sipping my coffee when a faint glimmer draws my attention to an unexpected guest. Cigarette smoke begins to drift through the room as I set my cup aside and bow to my guest. "Welcome My Lady."<br />
<br />
"Please sit." Zellas replies pleasantly, creating a chair out of nothing and sitting herself. "Your actions today were interesting." I just look at her.<br />
<br />
"You acted quite quickly, and, decisively, it was most impressive."<br />
<br />
"I thank you for the compliment My Lady."<br />
<br />
"It is well deserved, you should be commended for hiding that level of power for so long." Hiding, sure, whatever. "Your actions were completely unexpected and absolutely required as it so happens. Indeed, I find that I am now in your debt."<br />
<br />
That was unexpected. "My Lady?"<br />
<br />
"Had things not worked out this way, it would have been quite disastrous for me, and all because of a slight miscalculation."<br />
<br />
"Really My Lady, I don't-"<br />
<br />
"No. You must allow me to repay you." She holds out her hand and a fine silver wire appears around it. I follow the path of the thread as it continues to appear and begin to smile. The other end of the wire is attached to a beautiful silver choker [3] that is being worn by a very sullen-looking Xellos. There's something very satisfying about seeing him looking so defeated.<br />
<br />
"My payment?" I ask Zellas in an amused tone, she returns my smile. "A concubine, [4] you seem to need one."<br />
<br />
"Oh really?" At my dry tone her smile turns smug.<br />
<br />
"You definitely do, and so I have thoughtfully provided you with one." She holds out the wire, "If you accept his leash, he will be yours forever, to do with as you wish."<br />
<br />
"A slave more than a concubine then."<br />
<br />
"I use that term in the hopes that you will use him as such, but in the end, the choice is yours. This is your reward, will you accept it?"<br />
<br />
I look at the wire, then at Xellos, he refuses to meet my gaze. Xellos as my concubine? With a dark smile I reach out and take the wire from Zellas' hand. "Of course I accept My Lady, with deep gratitude."<br />
<br />
Zellas chuckles, "I knew that you would." She rises, I do the same, "Very well, this repays my debt, I will leave you to enjoy your new toy."<br />
<br />
I bow again, and when I rise she is gone. I move my gaze to Xellos and let my eyes run over the body of my new possession.  He looks back at me without saying a word, he's still sulking, all traces of his former arrogance is gone, I like that. I sit, still smiling and begin pulling lightly on the wire. He balks, I pull harder, and eventually I have him kneeling in front of my chair. "This wire is useful."<br />
<br />
No response.<br />
<br />
I look at the shining coil in my hand. "It will get in the way though, is there anything I can do about that?"<br />
<br />
"It will be there when you want it, and not be there when you don't, that is its nature."<br />
<br />
"And this?" I ask, running my hand along the silver choker, just barely touching the pale skin beneath.<br />
<br />
"That will remain as long as you... own me."<br />
<br />
"Mmm, I like that." The wire vanishes with a twist of my hand, Xellos watches me with an unreadable expression. I run my hand down the side of his cheek, a flicker of emotion crosses his face at my touch and that pleases me. "You chose an attractive form for yourself, didn't you?" I brush a finger gently across his soft lips. So tempting, this innocent looking figure before me, like an angel, a dark one, fallen.<br />
<br />
"It comes in handy."<br />
<br />
"Care to prove that?"<br />
<br />
He blinks, "What?"<br />
<br />
"She was right," I catch hold of his chin, bringing him closer, "I do need a concubine." I press my mouth against his, invading it, and <br />
the taste of him sweeps into my mouth, and he tastes of heaven, [5] I want to<br />
<br />
{{{drown in}}}<br />
<br />
{{{devour}}}<br />
<br />
{{{ignore}}}<br />
<br />
that taste. I want that piece of heaven, I pull him closer and claim my fallen angel.<br />
<br />
_Xellos_<br />
<br />
I lay on the bed, listening to the sound of his breathing and contemplate my punishment. It is worse that I had imagined, belonging to Zelgadiss, but not in the way I want to. That's the point though, isn't it? My hand strays upwards, running along the silver collar I now wear. He called me a slave, but I'm really more of an inmate. I have been tired, convicted, and sentenced.  His presence is my prison, his indifference my true punishment, and all because I love him.<br />
<br />
It happens sometimes, every mazoku knows this is true, and we accept it, but we aren't supposed to let it affect our duties.  That was my mistake, and it almost had disastrous results. Because I loved him, I left my position and was still away at the critical moment. Had my chimera not proven to be more than he appears, years of meticulous planning would have been lost.<br />
<br />
And so, here I am, bound to the one I love, playing the role of a sex toy while silently cursing my own stupidity. I shouldn't have... But if I hadn't... And now...<br />
<br />
A tear [6] slides down my cheek and I wipe it away quickly. None of that matters now. I made my choice and I must now deal with the results. So long as Zelgadiss never learns the real reason why I was chosen as his reward then I can survive in this new role. It will not be easy, but it is not supposed to be.<br />
<br />
He takes me again in the morning, I wonder if he is making up for lost time, for so many years of keeping everyone away from him. I am lucky my body recovers quickly, it appears as if I will be very busy in my new occupation. The sun is high in the sky by the time we finally get dressed. I find him watching me as I tie my sash, maybe it was a waste of time to put my clothes on.<br />
<br />
"You outfit has changed." He says in an impassive tone, "And your staff is not here."<br />
<br />
I shrug, "They were both symbols of my position, I lost them when I lost it."<br />
<br />
"And your power?"<br />
<br />
I can't resist a smirk, "Power granted to a mazoku cannot be revoked, only, 'contained.' I am as strong now as I was before."<br />
<br />
"Hn, only now you're mine."<br />
<br />
The smirk fades, he walks towards me, brushing his fingers along the collar. I find myself missing the high neck of my old shirt, though I suppose it really wouldn't have mattered.<br />
<br />
"I find it highly unusual that you are the one they gave me." He says in a low, coaxing tone.<br />
<br />
"You know me, that made me the best choice." I reply, trying to keep my tone as neutral as possible. Please don't let him keep up this line of questioning.<br />
<br />
"Such a simple explanation, don't you think?"<br />
<br />
I shrug again. Please, don't ask anything else, please don't! He opens his mouth to say something more but is interrupted by a knock on the door.<br />
<br />
"Zelgadiss-san? Lina-san sent me to get you, we'll be leaving soon and you're going to miss breakfast.   He answers her curtly, moving away from me as he puts on his cloak. I have to smile, I was saved by Amelia of all people, who would've thought.<br />
<br />
Zelgadiss adjusts his sword belt, then turns to look at me sternly, "What happened yesterday, they all think you did it. Do not confirm or deny their suspicions, keep then uncertain."<br />
<br />
I nod, it will not be hard, they don't know what to think of me. It's funny, they don't trust me when I am honest now about what I am, but they do trust him, and he is still hiding. I wonder how Lina missed it. We leave the room together, I find myself consciously aware of the absence of my staff and cloak. They were more comforting than I thought, mere props for projecting my image, but important ones. This is definitely going to take some getting used to.<br />
<br />
I smile, as always, as I approach the table, their uncertain looks actually please me, I haven't lost everything after all. He must have been telling the truth though, there is blame in their looks. "Good morning everyone." I say cheerfully, and forced smiles appear on their faces.<br />
<br />
"Morning Xellos," Lina replies just as cheerfully, her tone just as false. "Long time no see. I like the new clothes."<br />
<br />
"The choker is quite beautiful Xellos-san." Amelia says pleasantly. I see Zelgadiss smirk at the comment and cannot stop myself from glowering, Amelia looks confused at my reaction so I reply as politely as I can,<br />
<br />
"Thank you Amelia-san." It wasn't very polite after all, I have to fix that. I sit at the table and ask for water, ignoring them all. I need to get past this! I am going to act normal no matter what my feelings are, I am not going to let this beat me!<br />
<br />
_Zelgadiss_<br />
<br />
He is walking beside Lina, chatting cheerfully, the way he always has. He doesn't look any different, that is annoying, he is mine, it should show somehow. Lina says something and his laughter drifts back to me as he spreads his arms in a gesture of phony innocence, he is the fallen angel again. I will<br />
<br />
{{{comfort}}}<br />
<br />
{{{consume}}}<br />
<br />
{{{disregard}}}<br />
<br />
him. He is mine, I will prove it to him. I will show him that I can, that I can<br />
<br />
{{{i can be gentle}}}<br />
<br />
{{{i can break him}}}<br />
<br />
{{{i can resist this}}}<br />
<br />
I want<br />
<br />
{{{i want to be with him}}}<br />
<br />
{{{i want to control him}}}<br />
<br />
{{{i want to be removed from this}}}<br />
<br />
I want to control him completely, I can break him, I will prove to him that he is mine whether he likes it or not!<br />
<br />
I wait until night falls, then leave the camp. He's talking with Lina still, almost flirting now. What is he doing? This isn't normal behaviour. I walk through the trees in the darkness, letting my anger over take me.<br />
<br />
{{{don't do this, please!}}}<br />
<br />
{{{shut up, don't be weak}}}<br />
<br />
{{{it serves no purpose}}}<br />
<br />
{{{it will show him my control}}}<br />
<br />
{{{please don't, i'm not like this, i'm not!}}}<br />
<br />
{{{I am}}}<br />
<br />
I find a suitable area and sit down, raising my hand and call the wire into existence. I watch the moonlight glint on the slender thread for a brief moment, then smile and pull my fallen angel to me with a sharp tug.<br />
<br />
_Xellos_<br />
<br />
The pull comes unexpectedly, I am yanked from the campsite so quickly that I almost miss the look of surprise that passes over Lina's face. I hit the ground roughly and look up at him in annoyance, only to freeze. There's something wrong with his eyes and he is furious, what did I do?<br />
<br />
He rips my clothes away and holds me face down as he rips into my body without mercy. I feel the pain because he wishes me to, and receive no pleasure from it because his intention is to make me suffer. He succeeds.<br />
<br />
When he's finished he just leaves me there, he never spoke a single word. I can't move. I never thought pain could be like this. A strange numbness comes over me and I finally sit up, repair my tattered clothes and put them back on. The collar feels cold against my skin, he hurt me deliberately. I belong to him, that's his right, but... I still love him. I don't want to consider what that says about me.<br />
<br />
"Xellos-san?"<br />
<br />
I turn at the hesitant voice and see Amelia there, she looks upset and uncertain. I can't smile, "Amelia-san, are you all right?"<br />
<br />
"I... well, Zelgadiss-san just yelled at me, for no reason. He isn't himself."<br />
<br />
No kidding. I look away and sit carefully on the ground, wincing despite my caution.<br />
<br />
"Are you all right Xellos-san?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, thank you for asking." I want her to leave but she sits down beside me instead.<br />
<br />
"Something is happening to him." She says and I nod, she's right, but I don't know what it is. She rests her head in her arms, "I feel helpless, it makes me want to cry until I can't stop."<br />
<br />
"That's useless."<br />
<br />
"Sometimes it makes you feel better."<br />
<br />
"Psychosomatic."<br />
<br />
"Mazoku don't cry?"<br />
<br />
"Not exactly." Why am I talking? Probably for the same reason she wants to cry, to make myself feel better. "We're allowed one tear for ever situation we can't change."<br />
<br />
Some of her spirit revives, "With a heart of justice there is no situation that cannot be changed." <br />
<br />
I look up at the night sky, "You cannot make someone love you."<br />
<br />
"Xellos-san?"<br />
<br />
I look back to find her staring at me with pity, after a second I feel the teardrop [7] hit my hand.<br />
<br />
_Zelgadiss_<br />
<br />
I didn't just do that, no, I did, like before, I just acted, it was so<br />
<br />
{{{Horrible}}}<br />
<br />
{{{Beautiful}}}<br />
<br />
{{{Excessive}}}<br />
<br />
I can't believe I did that. I think I am loosing control. What do I do? How can I stop it?<br />
<br />
{{{Why stop it? I want to run with it}}}<br />
<br />
{{{This behaviour is far too unstable}}}<br />
<br />
{{{I don't want to hurt anyone}}}<br />
<br />
{{{I want pain}}}<br />
<br />
I don't want to hurt him, why did I do that? He's never going to forgive me, I wouldn't. I pull my blanket tighter around me and look around the campsite. Everyone's asleep, even Amelia, who looks like she's worried about me. I shouldn't have snapped at her.<br />
<br />
So many things I shouldn't have done tonight.<br />
<br />
He comes back to the campsite finally, he doesn't look good, I want to<br />
<br />
{{{See if he's broken}}}<br />
<br />
{{{No! I want to}}}<br />
<br />
take away the pain I caused. I don't know if I can though. He won't even look at me, I don't blame him. I pull lightly on the wire that connects us, he resists,<br />
<br />
{{{Good, he isn't broken yet.}}}<br />
<br />
and it hurts. I need him to come to me, eventually he does. I hold him lightly, wrapping him in the blanket and brushing my hand through his hair. It takes a while, but he does finally relax, falling asleep in my arms.<br />
<br />
{{{Good, he won't be on his guard anymore}}}<br />
<br />
{{{No! I don't want to hurt him, I don't}}}<br />
<br />
{{{There is no stopping this now}}}<br />
<br />
_Xellos_<br />
<br />
I am an idiot. This is the conclusion I have drawn from my behaviour lately. He hurts me, then consoles me, then ignores me. I want to believe that he cares, what is wrong with me?<br />
<br />
What is wrong with him?<br />
<br />
There is that. Amelia is no longer the only one to notice now, his behaviour is definitely odd. Still, I wonder if I see that only to provide an explanation for my behaviour, an explanation other than that I am simply a fool.<br />
<br />
But if I'm not, if there is something wrong...<br />
<br />
This is insane, and it doesn't matter anyway since I can't get out of it. I wonder if Zellas-sama knew this would happen, she certainly chose the best punishment possible.<br />
<br />
"Xellos?"<br />
<br />
I'm actually pleased at this interruption of my thoughts. "Yes Lina-san?"<br />
<br />
"You and Zel, you're, um, involved right?" They've all noticed that we tend to share blankets at night.<br />
<br />
"I suppose so."<br />
<br />
"Do you know what's wrong with him?"<br />
<br />
"No. I'm not sure he does, if there is anything wrong with him."<br />
<br />
"There is, you've seen his behaviour lately."<br />
<br />
"I know."<br />
<br />
"Xellos?"<br />
<br />
"Yes?"<br />
<br />
"How did he bind you?"<br />
<br />
"What?" She knows?<br />
<br />
"That choker, I've seen the wire it connects to, and I know that Zel holds it. How did he do it? He doesn't have enough power."	<br />
<br />
Yes he does, still, she can't know that. I actually manage a smile when I answer, "Sore was himtsu desu."<br />
<br />
"Xellos! This isn't a joke!"<br />
<br />
"I know Lina-san, but do you actually think I could tell you? I couldn't, even if I wanted to."<br />
<br />
"Right, I should've guessed."<br />
<br />
We laps into silence for a little while, it's an uncomfortable silence.<br />
<br />
"He's in the library you know."<br />
<br />
"Still?" He's been in there for almost a week now, he hasn't come out, and he hasn't spoken to anyone. He's been ignoring me.<br />
<br />
"Yes, even for him this is getting unhealthy. Do you think you can get him out?"<br />
<br />
"I can try." Sure, he's got me bound and I'll get him to do something he doesn't want to do, right.<br />
<br />
Still, he can't stay in there for this long, it's not good for him.<br />
<br />
And I still care.<br />
<br />
I am an idiot.<br />
<br />
_Zelgadiss_<br />
<br />
There has to be a cure somewhere. It is the only hope I have. I am loosing control, there is no balance, I slip into extremes. I need to regain my isolation, I am too attached.<br />
<br />
{{I want Chaos not balance}}<br />
<br />
{{I just want my life back}}<br />
<br />
{{I need stability}}<br />
<br />
{{Weak. Pathetic. Whiney.}}<br />
<br />
{{Stop it, stop it, stop it!}}<br />
<br />
I close my eyes and rest my head against the wood of the table, I think I'm loosing hope.<br />
<br />
"Zelgadiss-san?"<br />
<br />
My fallen angel, why is he here? Please go away.<br />
<br />
{{I want him to stay, I'm sick of looking at books}}<br />
<br />
{{I must find a cure, I must regain stability}}<br />
<br />
"Zelgadiss-san, you've been in here for a very long time, you need to come out, even if it is just for a little while."<br />
<br />
"I need to find a cure."<br />
<br />
"You can come back, please come out, your friends are worried."<br />
<br />
"And what about you Xellos? Are you worried?"<br />
<br />
{{Please don't do this to him, please don't}}<br />
<br />
{{Weak, whiney, pathetic. I want to play}}<br />
<br />
{{Stop!}}<br />
<br />
"Yes, I am worried."<br />
<br />
"Why?"<br />
<br />
"Because I am your friend as well."<br />
<br />
"Are you? I don't treat you very well."<br />
<br />
He shrugs, I can't stand his indifference. I stand and walk around the table until I am standing in front of him.<br />
<br />
"I hurt you and you're still my friend?"<br />
<br />
"Yes."<br />
<br />
"Then you're an idiot." I backhand him sharply, he falls to the ground without a sound. I look down at him, waiting for a response, for anything, but he just kneels there, waiting, peering at me from between the strands of his hair. Without reproach, without one single word. [8] He just waits, as always.<br />
<br />
I feel guilty.<br />
<br />
{{Guilt is an unnecessary emotion}}<br />
<br />
{{What I am doing to him is wrong}}<br />
<br />
{{The barriers are breaking}}<br />
<br />
I cannot bear his unaccusing gaze, somehow it is worse than any blame could be. I begin to turn away, only to be stopped by the sight of a single tear [9] running down his cheek.<br />
<br />
"Xellos, I--"<br />
<br />
{I didn't want to do it}<br />
<br />
{I did}<br />
<br />
{This is pointless}<br />
<br />
I can't hurt you anymore.<br />
<br />
I will own you completely.<br />
<br />
I have lost, the barriers are gone.<br />
<br />
It is too much, I flee from the library, from his eyes, from myself, but I know it is no use.<br />
<br />
I cannot escape, from any of it.<br />
<br />
[10] <br />
<br />
		</p>
<hr>
		<p align="left"><br />
<br />
1: See, no PWP, it's not even NC-17 so there ;-Þ <br />
2: That 1500 words was the minimum, right? <br />
3: The silver choker (took me long enough to get to something else eh?) <br />
4: Ta da, Xel gets to play the concubine ;-) <br />
5: Now, this is actually from her earlier "quote" challenge, modified for <br />
   POV. Two for one, not bad eh? <br />
6: That's one tear. <br />
7: That's two. <br />
8: This is the only one of the three optional things I managed to work <br />
   in, slightly modified again. <br />
9: And here's the third, no more, no less. <br />
10: And there were no Dark Lords. </span></p>
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