What's in a Book (Log)

Author: ElfFromSpace Title: What's in a Book (Log)

Revised Version Here

This was written a long long time ago, but we were kinda gonna make a fic out
of it. Didn't happen ;_; but at least here's the log itself.
Anyway this is an edited log from a night when we stayed up WAAAAY too late and
had FAAR too little sleep, and.. Well you can see for yourself, but it's
absolutely hilarious Xel/Fil lemonyness ^_^ Enjoy
<Cutey-Honey> *urge to write Xellia lemon... rising...*
<SomeoneElse> DO IT!!
<Cutey-Honey> Jhi complained that she never sees lemons where Filia initiates
the lemon *coff*there's a reason for that*coff*, so I wanted to write one of
those.
<Cutey-Honey> Basically, Jillas and Grabos give Fil some romance novels for her
birthday and she gets hooked on them and wants to try what's in the books...
<MyAlias> Hehehe... *Imagines Jillas and Gravos's dirty book collection.*
<SomeoneElse> LOL!!!
<Cutey-Honey> They're FURVERTS!
<MyAlias> Maybe they asked the lonely old lady at the book counter what kind of
books women like.
<SomeoneElse> So how's Filia think she's gonna try this stuff out?
<SomeoneElse> I mean she's not gonna think. "Damn! I wish that saxy mazoku were
here so I could try this!"
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR* *laughing* She *quite shyly, might I add* asks Xellos
about it *who isn't really sure about a lot of it himself...* and the lemon
ensues.
<Cutey-Honey> It'll work out, trust me. ^^
<Cutey-Honey> Then there's always that 'reading over the shoulder' that
obnoxious people *read:Xel* do.
<MyAlias> I really can't see them getting the books any other way. (Besides
Jillas getting books entitled "Flames of Passion" and start reading until the
kissing part.)
<Cutey-Honey> *dies* I should do a short fic just about them getting the books.
* SomeoneElse wonders about all those furry hentai pics online and what Filia
will do when she finds that stash...
<Cutey-Honey> *dies* "Oh, my, Mr. Jillas... what in the..."
<MyAlias> <J> Here you go. The girl suddenly stops and start crying and spouting
speeches. Somehow I thought of you and that you might like it.
<MyAlias> At least it isn't "How to put Flames and Fireworks back into your
relationship!"
<Cutey-Honey> Xellos might take that the wrong way and start setting things on
fire...
* SomeoneElse knows what song Jilas will sing when he finds a girend.end... "You
dropped a Bomb on Me"
* SomeoneElse beats off the furry discoers with a big stick
<MyAlias> I can just see Xellos standing there with wind blowing in his hair,
ripped silk shirt, picturesque background sweeping Fil into his arms... and
having to find his place on pg 114 to find out what he does next.
<Cutey-Honey> *dies*
<SomeoneElse> ROTFLMAO
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Okay, so I'm supposed to run my calloused, manly man hands up
your silky thighs?
<SomeoneElse> <F> I'm supposed to do what? Give me that book!!!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Look it says right here
<Cutey-Honey> <X> I think 'moan in pleasure' was the phrase the book used. What
is that supposed to sound like, anyway?
<MyAlias> <X> Wait a sec. How many petty-coats are you currently wearing? Will
you even be able to feel it? Oh wait! I'm supposed to go UNDER your skirts. <F>
What!!
<SomeoneElse> <F> What's so pleasant about your callused hand anyway. Did you
really need to glue sand to it?
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR*
<MyAlias> <X> Fil-chan? I always wear gloves. I don't have calloused hands
outside my collection.
<Cutey-Honey> ^^ *laughing* The collection of severed hands he keeps under his
bed?
<MyAlias> <X> And those are my collection of monkey paws!
<Cutey-Honey> hehehehehe.
<SomeoneElse> That is SOOO unromantic. MyAlias, I don't think we're helping get
the lemons going here.
*SomeoneElse releases the hentai fairies
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
<Cutey-Honey> Oh, dear. We're doomed.
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Well, I guess your normal hands are good enough... Uhhh, what
comes next? *hands him the book back*
* SomeoneElse gets out a vampire romance book that was under her bed and peeks..
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *reading* Do you have a 'sticky wet flower' under your skirt
somewhere? Cuz this says I'm supposed to manipulate it gently with my fingers...
<MyAlias> <X> You have a mace but I don't think that qualifies...*flips pages.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Get on with it, or you'll be experiencing my mace firsthand!
<MyAlias> <X> *Scans page* ... you also have a tail... normnormally girls don't
have one... do you want me to do anything with it?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Ummmm... Guys have something sorta similar between their
legs... maybe you could grab it or something?
<MyAlias> <X> Okay. *Grabs it and waits for a moan.* <F> Oouch!! Damn it! don't
squeeze it around so hard!! Do you want me to do the same to you!!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *pulls tail away and starts inspecting it* That hurt! I think
I may be bruised!
<SomeoneElse> Did you read the one Zelas made Xelloss exceptionally 'big' ?
<Cutey-Honey> *dies* I wanna see this! He finally got that extra mass allocation
he's been bugging her for!
<Cutey-Honey> we've figured out that the law of conservation of mass applies to
Mazoku, too... they just use mass from other parts of their body to make
themselves better *ahem* endowed.
<Cutey-Honey> Which is why Xel has no ass *the tennis episode in Next* but the
first time you see him in Try, he's got a rather noticeable bulge in his
pants...
<MyAlias> So sometimes they don't have spleens?
<Cutey-Honey> Hey, that'd be a good place to take extra mass from!
<Cutey-Honey> Or the first time Valgaav sprouts his black freak wings, his
crotch literally shrinks. *we watch these things... I'm frightened of us*
<MyAlias> Those wings are pretty big...
<SomeoneElse> <X> What's a 'virgin door' I don't see any door!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> I have a "swollen sex"? What's that? I thought sex was
something you do?
<MyAlias> <X> Is it talking about your bruised tail? I thought normal girls
didn't have one!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I don't think so... *blows on it to make it quit stinging*
<MyAlias> <X> Well what else am I suppose to push into you?
<Cutey-Honey> *dies*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> It says "engorged manhood", doesn't it? What's that mean? I
thought 'manhood' was something intangible?
<MyAlias> <X> I thought to have intercourse I have to...*gets distracted as he
flips the pages* Were the heck did you get this book! It's the worse instruction
manual I've ever seen!!!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I wish I had something with pictures... Darn it... Where is
your 'shaft', anyway? I don't see any arrows or anything on you...
<MyAlias> <F> It's not an instruction manual! You read it for pleasure! <X>Well
I don't know about you but I'm not getting any pleasure yet.
<SomeoneElse> <X> What is this?: "The maiden gazed with interest at the hard
arousal that sprang audaciously from his loins."
<MyAlias> *They both stare at his crotch waiting for something to spring.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Nothing's happening....
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *looks down pants* Is there supposed to be a spring down
there?
<MyAlias> <X> I'm getting bored. We have everything! I've got the ripped silk
shirt. You have the bodice yet NOTHINGS happening!!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I think you're supposed to lay on me naked or something like
that...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Maybe if we skip the technicalities and just get the important
parts, it'll work...
<MyAlias> <X> Well go ahead and get naked. *Waits.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Naked!? I'm not getting naked in front of you! You get naked!
<MyAlias> <X> Me? Okay. If you really want to see... which form?
<MyAlias> <X> Then again I don't usually clothe my monster one...
<Cutey-Honey> if you think about it, Xel's clothes are a part of his being... so
he's basically running around naked all the time! ^^*
<MyAlias> <X> No. A cone... what do you think I really am? A big bug wolf
looking thing?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Well, that's not very erotic...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *pushes fingers together* You could just take off your clothes
like you are now...
<MyAlias> <X> What! That's my natural form! Are you calling me unsexy! Well I
wouldn't call your scaly dragon hide very arousing either!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You big jerk! I'm sexier as a dragon than you'll ever be as a
cone!
<Cutey-Honey> (<X> *pulls out copy of Play Priest magazine* Hey, you're right,
Filia! You ARE sexy!)
<MyAlias> <X> How do you know? You've never seen me as a cone but I've seen you
transform plenty of times!!d acd actually keeps some snapshot under his bed but
he'd never tell her that!)
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Well... I guess it wouldn't hurt to see you as a cone...
<Cutey-Honey> 'He picked up a strawberry between long, pale fingers, and held it
to his mouth, watching her intently. His lips teased at the lush red fruit, his
tongue licked at its surface, and then he turned it, his tongue dipping into its
deep, red center, his gaze steady on her. His smile turned wd, td, teasing at
one corner of his mouth more than the other.'
<Cutey-Honey> '"Juicy," he remarked.'
<Cutey-Honey> THAT is why strawberries are bad.
<Cutey-Honey> I just don't get the strawberry thing. I really don't.
<MyAlias> I thought it was because a lot of ppl have allergies to them.
<SomeoneElse> Oh yeah.. I'd forgotten that fic knew about the evil strawberry
conspiracy. THAT's what made Xelloss so big!!
<MyAlias> That's the number one fruit that ppl are allergic too besides kiwi but
that's because they contain the same chemical.
<MyAlias> Gourry also had a problem with the strawberries... but was mostly
weirded out that Lina was eating them slow and even the banana bread was turning
him on at the time.
<MyAlias> <X>*Turns into a cone.* See! I'm sexy!! <F> Not really. Now I want
some ice cream.
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *turns back* Ice cream? Why? Is it kinky?
<Cutey-Honey> This fic is like "You're walking, and you're walking, and you're
walking, and *BAM!* Random lemon!"
<MyAlias> <F> Now. I'm broke. I spend all my money on that ripped up silk shirt.
And the ice cream man already came through hours ago.
<Cutey-Honey> <X> I think I have some change. Want me to run to the 7-11 and
pick up a carton of Ben & Jerry's for
&l
<MyAlias> <F> Maybe later. I don't want to get sidetrack and you promised to
help me though all this! Now get naked in your mortal form. We're probably the
most compatible in them.
<SomeoneElse> <Gourry> Is it a pickle?
<Cutey-Honey> (<X> But I AM naked!)
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *sits on the bed and takes shoes off* I still think you're the
one who's supposed to get naked.
<MyAlias> <X> *Gets all the way mortal naked and folds his naked arms with a "Hmph!"*
You don't know that!! You're just not open minded enough! (Still a little miffed
that she dissed his cone form.*
<SomeoneElse> Who wants to bet Xelloss knows EXACTLY what he's doing and is
pulling Filia along?
<MyAlias> Hehehe... probably.
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* Although it would be funny if he was actually clueless.
^^
<SomeoneElse> It would definitely be Unique!
<SomeoneElse> You'd be the only lemon writer who ever had a lemon with a
clueless Xel
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* YEP!
<MyAlias> <F> *Gets naked.* Okay. I'm naked. I think you're supposed to lay down
on me. *Xel flips some pages.* No, its further into the book. Around chapter 5.
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *gives up on the book and lays down* Ummmm....
<MyAlias> <X> Okay. I must say that it isn't doing a thing for me. Maybe if you
quicken your breath or moan my name a couple times, something with happen.
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *does so* Okay, it's still not doing anything.
<MyAlias> <F> <pant, pant> Xellos, Xellos... Is it working? <X> Besides your
breast squishing, nope. Nothing.
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *eeps and tries to cover her breasts* Don't look, you pervert!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I still don't feel warm or tingly or relaxed or anything like
that. Actually I feel a little annoyed that this isn't working!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *blinks, listens to crickets chirp* Aren't you supposed to do
something now? You know, about my 'virgin door' and everything?
<SomeoneElse> question.. Does Xel's human form have the equipment, or will he
need to move matter from his spleen when they figure it out?
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* He just has to move the matter from his butt cheeks.
^_~
<Cutey-Honey> (<X> I don't really need an ass today... I'm meeting a saxy dragon
bi-yotch!)
<SomeoneElse> But if neither of them know what sort of shape he's supposed to
have there will they EVEr figure it out?
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing*
<SomeoneElse> <G> Try a pickle.
<Cutey-Honey> It's a good thing we don't have to depend on them for the survival
of the species...
<Cutey-Honey> <X> But is it supposed to be green like that? O_o
<Cutey-Honey> Oh, dear Gods... I have no unearthly idea.
<MyAlias> <F> Um... aren't males supposed to... y'know, have more... y'know,
appendages? <X> Oops! Sorry. I guess I won't need my spleen for a couple hours.
*Reappropiation happens.* There. I also put my appendix in it. If you want, I
can live without 2 kidneys for awhile!
<Cutey-Honey> *dies*
<SomeoneElse> <F> ...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *blink**BLINKS!* Will that thing even FIT?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Maybe you'd better put the appendix back.
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing*
<SomeoneElse> (<A few hours later> <F> Give me the other kidney!! NOW!!!!)
<MyAlias> <X>What? Was the appendix a bit too much? *Looks down at it.*
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *whining* But I thought that size mattered?
<Cutey-Honey> We are having entirely too much fun with this. ^^
<MyAlias> (We always do.) <X> *Reappropriation happens.* There. Now what? Oh
yes! I have to find "your virgin door." *Starts looking for it.*
<Cutey-Honey> <X> What's this 'door' supposed to look like, anyway?
<MyAlias> <X> What? This? *Pokes at it.*
<SomeoneElse> <F> Don't touch THAT!!! It's sensitive!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Where are the hinges? And why doesn't it really look like a
door?
<SomeoneElse> <X> But it's the only thing that looks even remotely like a door
arounde...e...
<MyAlias> <X> They should have had the courtesy to draw a map to it!
<SomeoneElse> <X> * pulls on various folds* Look! A hinge!
<Cutey-Honey> *dies*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *squeels**kicks him in the head*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You're not supposed to poke at THAT!
<MyAlias> <X> You aren't? Why not?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Because I SAID! Now look somewhere else!
* SomeoneElse has an citrus scented air freshener.. wonders if that's where the
hentai fairies are coming from...
<Cutey-Honey> They live in Else's air freshener. :P
* SomeoneElse opens the air freshener a bit more and looks inside... "Where?"
* SomeoneElse asks her calculator if there are hentai fairies in her air
freshener...
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* And they travel to the chat room and over the internet
through your computer. :P
<SomeoneElse> <C> That's a secret!
* SomeoneElse whaps the calculator!
<MyAlias> <F> *Sigh* Maybe I should find someone more experienced to do it!
<Cutey-Honey> Your calculator is cool. :P
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *sits up on his knees and looks hurt* But Filiaaaaa! *whining*
I wanna do it, too!
<MyAlias> <X> I'm trying to do it, Filia! Really I am! But I've already looked
everywhere and that's the best I've come up with! Are you sure it's not your
form that messed up!? I haven't even found a dewy flower to stroke!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *huffing* I am NOT screwed up! I can take human form better
than you can!
<SomeoneElse> <F> You jusve tve to look harder
<SomeoneElse> <X> Then what's THIS? *squeezes tail*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *eeps and grabs tail back* Stop it! You'll bruise me again!
But look at your eyes! *sticks tongue out*
<Cutey-Honey> For some reason, I have no problem seeing the two of them sitting
naked on a bed together, arguing like two little kids...
<Cutey-Honey> Maybe he'll just sit on her till she gives up and goes to get
something to eat.
<MyAlias> <X> Maybe I should find that place you liked me to suckle. It is
around here somewhere. I couldn't really see under all those silly skirts!
*starts liking random places.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> O_o o_O O_O EEP!
<MyAlias> <X> What! Was that the place? Hey wait! Shouldn't you already know
where I was suckling before?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Ummm... uhhh.... maybe...
<MyAlias> <X> Then where was it? As much as I like licking you cause you're
kinda salty, I'd like to get more progress done. Especially before you remind me
of pretzels.
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You want some pretzels?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I could go for some potato chips, myself. Or maybe that ice
cream from before.
<SomeoneElse> (other fic <F> You want me to wear THIS???? <X> But I'll let you
hit me as much as you like if you do... <F> *looks back and forth from mace to
Xeldomidominatrix outfit.... "As much as I like? *smiles "Ok...")
<Cutey-Honey> *dies* This fic said "spurted"! *laughing* It said "spurted"!
*DIES*
<Cutey-Honey> ....it said spurted... *laughing helplessly*
<MyAlias> <X> No. Then I'll get all thirsty and that books says that we should
be expending a lot of sweat and you're ssed sed to cry "sparkling diamond tears
of joy" at some point.
<Someone>> <F> Well if you want to get sweaty I can chase you around the room
with my Mace for screwing this up so badly!!!
<Cutey-Honey> *snicker* ...spurted....
<Cutey-Honey> *snicker* ...sparkling diamond tears of joy.... *giggles
helplessly*
<MyAlias> <X> You're the one who won't tell me where I suckled that time you
liked! The book is obliviously not helping and now you're not helping!! How am I
supposed to work in these conditions!
&lteoneeoneElse> <Zelas> <watching> Damn! I knew I should have gotten the Karma
Sutra instead to leave anonymously in Filia's mailbox...
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Well... ummmm... you're not really supposed to touch me there,
you know....
<MyAlias> <X> Why not! It's not like you are going to explode if I do!!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Because it's bad! The elders said that boys aren't supposed to
touch girls there...
<SomeoneElse> <X> Really? That sounds promising! <smirks and touches her again>
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *squeaks and blushes*
<MyAlias> <Zelas> *Sweatdrop.* An illustrated version of the Karma Sutra. I
don't even want to think what they would do if they only had the written
instructions.
<MyAlias> <X> *Strokes.* Well I feel a little bit of moisture. More sticky than
dewy though...
<Cutey-Hogt; gt; <F> that's sweat, you numbskull. I still don't think you've found
the part that has the 'glistening drops of moisture' yet...
* SomeoneElse whispers to calculator.. "I thought MyAlias was "But an Innocent
Maiden..."
<MyAlias> <X> Maybe you need to drink more water.
<SomeoneElse> <Calculator> Figure it out yourself.
<MyAlias> Hehehehe...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You wanna take a break and go get some water? Wonder if I
could make it to the kitchen without Jillas or Grabos seeing me...?
<MyAlias> <X> Are you sure that not the right spot *Licks it.* Hmm... doesn't
quite taste like sweat?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Ohhhh! Hey!
;MyA;MyAlias> <X> Oh, what?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *blush* I kinda liked that...
<MyAlias> <X> What that a moan of pleasure? *Licks it.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *giggling, kicking him a little* That tickles! *giggling*
<MyAlias> <X> *After being kicked in the head.* Okay. I won't do it. *Stops.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *pout* Awww, but that was the first decent thing you've
done... other than the suckling part...
<MyAlias> <X> Let me get this straight. You like me licking it and suckling it.
Did you like the stroking part?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *smiles sheepishly* Well, that was okay, too...
<MyAlias> <X&I reI really do think that it's the flower we are looking for! Even
though it really doesn't look like an flower...
<SomeoneElse> <F> Okaaayyy.... Then what are we supposed to do with it again?
<SomeoneElse> <X> looks back to the book....
<Cutey-Honey> <X> I think I'm supposed to stroke it or something. That seemed to
work last time... *pokes at it*
<MyAlias> <X> Except this one carnivorous plant I once saw in the rainforest.
But it was red with green spots and only after it had closed up when it had
eaten too many bug..
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Xellos! I have NOT been eating any bugs!
<SomeoneElse> <F> Would you stop goofing off and get back to business?
<Cutey-Honey> *dies*
* SomeoneElse wonders how many lives CD has!
<Cutey-Honey> Hey, I AM a phoenix. :P
<SomeoneElse> <F> Now weren't we supposed to find your Manhood around here
somewhere?
<SomeoneElse> <X> Well I'm not really a man.. does that matter?
<MyAlias> <X> Oh yes! The book! *Picks up book and leafs through.* I'm supposed
to "gently slip in a finger". *Jabs a finger in.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *squeals* That's cold!
<MyAlias> <X> Ooops. Sorry. *Takes it out and rubs his hands together.*
<SomeoneElse> <X> Want me to warm it up?
<SomeoneElse> <X> *sucks on the finger a bit to warm it.
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing*
<MyAlias> <X>Ymm.. not bad. Kinda tastesy! *Sticks it back in.* Better?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *giggles* That kinda tickles... *wiggles around*
<MyAlias> <X> Mazoku don't have a very high body temperature all the time.
<SomeoneElse> ... That is so funny to have them doing the hentai things for the
wrong reasons!
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* They'll end up doing all the cliche hentai things for
all the wrong reasons!
<SomeoneElse> Or just doing them wrong!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Okay, I know there's more to this than just this... *takes out
book and starts leafing through it*
<MyAlias> <X> Filia! Hold still! How am I going to supposed to "Rub at your
center sending you spiraling up to ecstasy" if you keep wiggling around!
<Cutey-Honey> *dies*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *giggles* Sorry! It feels funny!
<SomeoneElse> <F> And we never DID find your manhood? I thought a shaft was
something you used for mining...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> ...or for turning a propeller on a boat?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> ...or that was part of an arrow...
<MyAlias> <X> Okay. *Stops what he was doing.* I thought you would like to
continue to "stoke the flames of your passion" but if you want to find my
manhood, then go right ahead. *Lies down and puts his hands behind his head.* Go
ahead.
<SomeoneElse> <F> Okaaayy.. We can go back to stroking once I succeed.
<SomeoneElse> <F> *Looks Xelloss over...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *starts poking at him* What's it supposed to look like,
anyway?
<MyAlias> <X> Manly I suppose.
<SomeoneElse> <F> Xelloss.. it might help if you acted more like a man. Men
don't hover several inched above the bed!!
<Cutey-Honey> <X&FineFine then! *huffs and comes down*
<MyAlias> <X> And girls usually don't have tails!
<MyAlias> y'know, I've GOT to stop staying late at night with Else another gal.
I get roped into so many things! Remember! I am but an innocent maiden!!
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR*
<SomeoneElse> What?? Are you blaming ME???
<SomeoneElse> and. Suuureee MyAlias...Just an Innocent Maiden. We believe you
<MyAlias> Hmph!
<MyAlias> What are you two implying!!?
<Cutey-Honey> ....I forgot.
<Cutey-Honey> I ping you ALL! XD
<MyAlias> <X> *Flipps through the book while Filia pokes around.* Hey! We
skipped a couple chapters! We're supposed to start with "passionate kisses that
enflame my soul" and then I'm supposed to rip open that bodice of your's and
"quench my thirst at your breast." But I thought girls are supposed to lactate
after having children.
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I don't have anything there to 'quench' any 'thirst' with...
*poke**poke*
<MyAlias> <X> And do dragon even lactate? <F> Don't ask me? I've never lactated
before.
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *mumbling* This is so humiliating...
<Cutey-Honey> <F>*Goes back to looking for that Manhood *poke**poke*
<MyAlias> <X> Ooo! *Drops the book.* <F> What? This? *Touch.* <X> Oooh! By
Shabby! Wow! I forgot about that reaction! It's been hundreds of years since I
last used it.
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR*
<MyAlias> <X> I usually like my spleen better but not this time! Do it again!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *poke* I don't see what's so special about this thing... it's
not even really attractive... *poke**poke*
<MyAlias> <X> Less poking, More stroking, please, Filia. *Smiles.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Stroking? Like this? *grabs it and squeezes*
<Cutey-Honey> *tittering*
<SomeoneElse> <F> I don't get it.. Is this your pole? What am I supposed to do
with it?
<MyAlias> <X> The book says that you "Take me into your mouth". I guess this
where you send me "spiraling toward ecstasy." <F> Are you kidding! I can't lick
that! I don't know where that's been!!
<MyAlias> <X> Next to my gall bladder, I believe.
<SomeoneElse> <X> Now you know. *waits* So you can lick it any time now...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Besides that, it's all... funny looking... *poke**poke*
<Cutey-Honey> That is SO wrong, Else.
<MyAlias> <X> And to think, me having a spleen was all for show!
<SomeoneElse> It's not even very In Character. But it IS darn funny
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* Who cares? We're just screwing around with them now,
anyway. ^^
<SomeoneElse> screwing around? I think that's the one thing they haven't done
yet. And at this rate....
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Well, personally, I don't see how this is anymore useful than
your spleen was... You'd probably be better off having the spleen back...
<SomeoneElse> <X> But I can use it write my name on the wall if I make myself
pee!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> ...or in the snow!
<SomeoneElse> *dies* That is TOO wrong!
<MyAlias> <X> Well people touching your spleen doesn't feel good and you don't
have one so it's probably my manhood. Now the book gives you instructions so
follow them. *Hands over the book.*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *takes book* I am NOT putting that weird thing in my mouth!
No! You do it!
<MyAlias> <X> *Sigh.* I thought you wanted to do the stuff in the book!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Well... I do... it's just... Well, it's funny looking, and it
probably tastes bad...
<SomeoneElse> <X> You won't know that till you try it now will you?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *thinking about it... really!* Can't we just go back to
stroking my 'flower'?
<MyAlias> <X> No. We have to do this part. We've already skipped too much. <F>
Okay, okay. *puts it in her mouth and says something that is muffled so she
takes it out.* I said "Now what am I supposed to do?" Or is there more flower
stroking?
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *grinning like an idiot* Hey, that's pretty neat!
<Cutey-Honey> See, this is what comes of releasing about 2 dozen hentai fairies
into the chat room...
<Cutey-Honey> That, and Else's air freshener generates them...
<Cutey-Honey> Ik's dumb spider-bug things ( //Ö ) ate the first group we let
loose, though. ;_;
<MyAlias> *Stars of hope in her eyes.* So I'm not a hentai faery production
plant any more?
<SomeoneElse>
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
<Cutey-Honey> I think you share that dubious distinction witse'se's air
freshener...
<Cutey-Honey> See? ^^ *points up*
<MyAlias> Who knows? Maybe I made the air freshener.
<Cutey-Honey> Now gimme my hentai air freshener, dammit! *cackling*
<Cutey-Honey> !bong
* L-sama hands Cutey-Honey the green marble bong, freshly packed with sticky
skunk budz. TOKE UP!
<Cutey-Honey> WEEEE! ^^
<MyAlias> <X> The book mentioned something about sucking. Why don't you try it?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Are you implying that I SUCK? Well you suck too! Why don't we
just give up!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *whining* But I kinda like this!
<MyAlias> <X> *Irritated that she stopped.* Well I don't get anything out any of
that flower stroking!
<MyAlias> <X> I'll stoke that flower of yours all you want just CONTIUE!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Fine, fine... *sigh**goes back to what she was doing... just
sitting there with his 'manhood' in her mouth...*
<MyAlias> <X> No! Do the sucking thing and massaging thing like the book says
you have to do! <F>It does? Where? What massaging thing? I didn't remember
reading that...
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Ummmmm... *tries to look innocent*
<MyAlias> <F> *Stops to flip some pages.*
<SomeoneElse> Uh Oh! Has he been caught??
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *nervously* I know it was in there somewhere... I think it was
right with the sucking... ummmm...
<Cutey-Honey> ghinghing* I bet!
<SomeoneElse> <F> LoOK! RIght here, and there's not a word about massaging! wait
a minute...
<MyAlias> <X> What? *Curious.* It actually did have massaging in it?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Looks at him suspiciously...
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *sits there and tries to look innocent* *whistles* What?
<SomeoneElse> It says here you massage my "Glorious mounds" but it says NOTHING
about me massaging you! What are you up to?
<Cutey-Honey> Now... which one said that? ^^
<Cutey-Honey> Fil, Xel, or just Else?
<SomeoneElse> OOpps!
<MyAlias> Else!! First your underwear now this!!
<SomeoneElse> <F>!
<SomeoneElse> ¬_¬ WAAHHHH!!! You people are mean!
<Cutey-Honey> It's not our fault you make funny typos!
<SomeoneElse> Can I get another hentai typo award?
<MyAlias> Okay.
<SomeoneElse> YAY! *cheers*
<MyAlias> You and ElephantGirl are plagued by them
<Someone>> What about yours MyAlias?
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *henpecked husband* Why, I'm not up to anything, dear. You can
continue what you were doing at any time now... *grins nervously*
<SomeoneElse> <F> Nuh uh! If anyone is doing any massaging you need to massage
me!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *whews*
* Cutey-Honey (QUIT: And no, we DON'T wanna know about Else's underwear, OR her
glorious mounds!)
<SomeoneElse> >.< !!!!!
<MyAlias> Oh my! That's a funny sig line!!
<SomeoneElse> !sulk
* L-sama pats SomeoneElse on the head. 'Everybody needs a hobby!'
<MyAlias> Can't she tell that we are but innocent maidens?
<SomeoneElse> Dang it!
<MyAlias> Dang it what?
<SomeoneElse> You're supposed to say "I'm an Innocent Maiden, Dang it!"
* MyAlias (QUIT: Next time! Filia's Mounds get Massaged (Or Else's. We aren't
sure which!))
<SomeoneElse> >.<!!! Everyone and their quit messages!!
((Night 2))
<SomeoneElse> We're looking for the sort of lemons that should have a
disclaimer. "Do NOT attempt to use this lemon as a How To guide for Sex!"
<MyAlias> > <X>*Sigh of disappointment.* Okay. You can massage and suck me
later. I'll do the mound massage right now.
<SomeoneElse> >.< mounds.. >.< !!!
<Cutey-Honey> You like Almond Joy better?
<MyAlias> heheheh...
<SomeoneElse> Mmm.. almond joy...
<SomeoneElse> "He bent and brushed his mouth softly over a hard nipple,
lingering to taste it with his tongue."
<Cutey-Honey> Those things taste? What like? O_o
<SomeoneElse> No clue.
<MyAlias> <X> *Starts massaging with one hand and still flips through the book
with the other. There HAS to be a way to convince Filia that he needs so
attention too!*
<SomeoneElse> Just quoting my free literature.
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing* *sprays Citrus Zest in the room*
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *humming* *wiggling toes* *looking at ceiling*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Am I 'spiraling into ecstasy' yet?
<MyAlias> <X> Hmmm... *tasting it.* Tastes like any other part. *goes back to
massaging/leafing through the book.*
<SomeoneElse> "He'd unsnapped his pajamas and she was inside them discovering
the difference between men and women with fascination."
<MyAlias> <X> Bingo! Here's a reference. *Points.* See Filia. You should be
fascinated with it!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Fascinated with what? That weird thing? *pokes him*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You can use it to write your name when you pee. Big deal.
*huff*
<Cutey-Honey> *is determined to one day challenge at least one of the guys she
works with to a pissing contest*
<MyAlias> <X> It's not weird. It's my "marble hardness sheathed in silken skin."
It is very fascinating!
<ElephantGirl> *chokes on her tea*
<Cutey-Honey> *dies* And you said you had no reference, MyAlias!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I think YOU'RE the only one who's fascinated with it.
<MyAlias> Half of the classics are perverted! Have you read things like
Lysistrata?
<ElephantGirl> I've read The Odyssey. Why the heck did all the guys in it have
'glistening feet'?
<Cutey-Honey> They had foot fetishes back then?
<ElephantGirl> I don't know! Every time it dibedibed a guy whom the reader was
apparently supposed to think was studly, it talked about his glistening feet.
<MyAlias> <X> Well... I stroked your flower longer than you stroked my manhood!
You didn't even hardly try!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> That's because you don't stroke, you POKE! And if you want it
stroked so badly, do it yoursElse! That thing creeps me out!
<MyAlias> <X> *Mutters.* It's not the same...
<ElephantGirl> *reads fascinating facts about elephant penises*
<ElephantGirl> Cool... they can wiggle the end of it...
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR*
<SomeoneElse> Like their trunk?
<ElephantGirl> Yeah, only not as dexterous.
* SomeoneElse imagines hentai elephants and the things they can do..
<ElephantGirl> More or less. It also says it's slightly s-shaped.
<SomeoneElse> what ARE you reading??
<ElephantGirl> A book called 'The Astonishing Elephant'
<Cutey-Honey> O_o Hentai ElephantGirl!
<ElephantGirl> Highly appropriate title.
<Cutey-Honey> You've been inhaling our hentai fairies, haven't you?
<ElephantGirl> I think so.
<Cutey-Honey> I now have an air freshener that will *propel* them at people. XD
<ElephantGirl> Hey, I'm not the one who wrote this book. I'm just reading it for
research. I didn't expect there to be anything in it about penises.
* SomeoneElse opens air freshener and wishes it spritzed like CD's..
<Cutey-Honey> Yours just party in there, Else. ^^ You must have HAPPY hentai
fairies.
<MyAlias> <X> Okay. I'll send you spiraling toward ecstasy and you'll pay
attention to my manhood. It's a deal!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *contemplates for a second**looks apprehensive* Well...
okay...
<SomeoneElse> <F> But it is supposed to be separate like this. What was that
about a heavenly joining of passion?
<MyAlias> <X> *Super genki! He didn't think that scam would work.*
<MyAlias> <X> Oh yes the heavenly joining...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> ...and aren't we supposed to fall off of some cliff or summit
together at the end? That sounds kinda dangerous...
<Cutey-Honey> Unbeknownst to Filia, Xellos has orchestrated all of this, much
like Gendo Ikari...
<ElephantGirl> <X> Well, you're a dragon... you can fly, right?
<SomeoneElse> *Filia looks skeptically at the fall from the bed to the floor.
<Cutey-Honey> Right down to infiltrating Jillas' porn library!
<Cutey-Honey> And he was actually the little old lady at the book store who
suggested the romance novels to Jillas for Filia!
<SomeoneElse> <F> How are we supposed to have a Heavenly Joining when You're an
evil demon??
<Cutey-Honey> <F> So... what are we supposed to join? Hands?
<MyAlias> <X> *Flips some pages.* I guess we can go to that. I thought you
wanted me to "stoke the fires of your passion" and you wanted to "increase my
arousal until it was almost painful" but if you are that impatient...
<SomeoneElse> <F> I think you're screwing this all up...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I could do this better with some human guy...
<MyAlias> <X> It's not my fault that dragons are impatient and won't do it in
the right order!
<ElephantGirl> *pounds on desk with one fist laughing*
<Cutey-Honey> <F> How am I supposed to make something 'almost' painful? I can
make it definitely painful... but what's this 'almost'?
<SomeoneElse> <F> What did you call me??
<Cutey-Honey> <F> This is all YOUR fault, not MINE!
<ElephantGirl> Hmm... Xelloss doing foreplay with two Filias...
<Cutey-Honey> They're twins!
<MyAlias> <X> What! You'd do this with a human! I guess dragons aren't that
particular!
<Cutey-Honey> They have inborn instincts to keep Wild Xels away... namely
maces...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I must not be, if I'm doing it with YOU instead. *humph*
<MyAlias> <X> *Point accusingly.* You're just using me aren't you!
<MyAlias> <X> And I'm a wonderful choice! I'm not some too bit harlot, I'll have
you know!! And who else would brave your fickle temper enough to get close to
you!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I'll shou aou a fickle temper! *tries to strangle him*
<MyAlias> <X>*Being choked.* ACK! This is exactly what I'm talking about. Like
you could get a human or dragon to go through this trouble!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *choking* Are you saying no one else would stroke my 'delicate
flower' if I asked them!? I bet there are guys lining up around the block! Are
you saying I'm not sexy!?
<MyAlias> <X> ACK! Like that's even your real body!! ACK!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *lets him go and starts chasing him around the room* Not like
your real body is sexy, either! You're just a cone, what do you know?!
<MyAlias> <X> Then why did you ask me to go off the precipice or cliff with
you!!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You don't have to be sexy to fall off a cliff with me, you
dunce!
<MyAlias> <F> And like you were my first choice!!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> W? *s? *stops and glares*
<SomeoneElse> <X> Who WAS your first choice??
<ElephantGirl> (<X> I'll dig his heart out with a spoon for daring to touch...
*ahem* Yes, Filia, who was it/)
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *looking down shyly* Well, there's this human boy down the
street... but he's a little too young... but I think I like him...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I mean.... he's only 30... I just don't know if he's too young
or not...
<ElephantGirl> (Poor guy... Xelloss is gonna tie him in knots...)
<MyAlias> <F> *Smirks because she knows she pissing him off.* Well the hero in
those books always have long flowing blond hair *point to the Fabio look alike*
maybe I can ask Gourry...
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing*
<ElephantGirl> (ACK! Wrong!)
<SomeoneElse> LOL. NO!!
<MyAlias> <F> ...and they always have a smooth and soothing voice. That's
definitely Zelgadis...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Come to think of it... the boy down the street kinda reminds
me of both of them!
<MyAlias> <F> But you were there and convenient. *Smirks.*
<MyAlias> <X> Are you calling me easy!!?!!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *collects himself and coughs politely* Excuse me a second,
Filia, dear...
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *vanishes, and several screams are heard down the street*
<ElephantGirl> And now everybody, a moment of silence...
<MyAlias> ...
<Cutey-Honey> ....
<SomeoneElse> ....
<ElephantGirl> .....
<Cutey-Honey> ...that poor boy down the street...
<ElephantGirl> Okay, that's enough of a moment. On with the lemon!
<Cutey-Honey> WEEEEEE!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *reappears, grinning* Okay, now where were we?
<SomeoneElse> <F> WhAT did you just DO???
<ElephantGirl> <X> Sore wa himitsu desu.
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *grin**grin**looks smug**looks smug*
<MyAlias> <F> Hmph! I should call it quits on this whole experiment!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *whining* But Filiaaaa! The flames of my passion were just
getting stoked!
<MyAlias> <X> Oh no you don't! I've already gone through enough trouble!! We're
going to heavenly join if it kills me! I just need to build you into *looks at
book* "into a raging inferno of lust."
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *blink**blinks at sudden change in demeanor* Uhhhh.... Okay...
I guess..
<SomeoneElse> <F> You actually know how to do it right? I don't believe you!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> hmmmm, maybe I need to build a fire or something for that
'inferno' thing...
<Cutey-Honey> Yah! :P
* SomeoneElse tries to think how the Z/A lemon next week can continue this trend
of getting scarier and scarier..
<Cutey-Honey> Wait, the Z/A lemon is going to be scarier than the other ones/
<ElephantGirl> One rock... two rocks... three rocks...
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR*
<ElephantGirl> 'Course. After all, we're talking about the only guy in the world
with more than two rocks. ^^
<ElephantGirl> <X> Hmm... it says next I kiss you senseless and nibble
delicately on your tender earlobes...
<MyAlias> <X> *Climbs back onto the bed and pulls Filia in and starts kissing
her and then nibbles her ear, then pauses.* Wait a second...
<SomeoneElse> <F> What? Why'd you stop?
<MyAlias> If I kiss you senseless then how can your ears be tender? Would that
not work?
<Cutey-Honey> *snicker*
<SomeoneElse> Who are you kissing MyAlias?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Maybe it means they'll be tender to YOU?
<MyAlias> Okay. I had a typo. You were waiting for that weren't you.
<MyAlias> At least I'm not asking someone to massage my mounds!!
<SomeoneElse> :P Ptttttbb!!
<MyAlias> <X>*Nibbles.* Nope. Regular ear consistency. You must be the one
feeling them tender. Are they?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> Not really...
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Maybe I should bite them harder...
<MyAlias> <F> OOUCH!! *Smashes him with her mace while he's distracted.*
<Cutey-Honey> <X> OWW! What was that for, you ingrate?!
<MyAlias> <X> Okay. I get it. No more ear nibbling. *Looks at book.* Is "neck
feasting" still open?
<SomeoneElse> <F> What are you? Some sort of Vampire?
<MyAlias> <F> o_O Neck feasting? Wkindkind of phrasing is that? Maybe you should
go back to "mound massaging" and "Flower stroking."
<Cutey-Honey> <X> That's what the book SAYS. If you have a problem with it, take
it up with the BOOK.
<ElephantGirl> (<X> Vy, yez, my lovely young flower! And I vant to suck your
blood!)
<MyAlias> <X> *Grumbles.* You and your flower stroking! My fascinating manhood
is right here and you're obsessed with your flower.
<Cutey-Honey> *FLOOR* that was so... perverse....
<MyAlias> <X>*quenches his thirst at one mound, while massaging the other and
stroking her flower. *
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I didn't think there was anything there to 'quench' a 'thirst'
with?
<MyAlias> <X>*Pauses.* Are you enjoying this?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> ....maybe....
<SomeoneElse> <X> Then stop complaining.
<MyAlias> <X> *Flips through some pages.* Maybe I should try something else...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I wouldn't complain if you did what you were supposed to!
<SomeoneElse> <X> I'm doing just what it says! What else do you expect?
<MyAlias> <F> *Irritated that he stopped.* Dang it! Continue!!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Start, stop, start, stop! What do I look like to you, a
machine? *sniffle**melodrama*
<SomeoneElse> <X> Some sort of sex slave?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> You'd have to actually *have* sex to be a sex slave...
<SomeoneElse> <X> Well if you want to 'actually *have* sex" why do you keep
stopping me?
<MyAlias> <X>*Sniffle* You already said I was easily replaced! That takes a lot
out of a guy!... or a monster.
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *to self* Not that you actually *have* anyone to replace me
with now... hehehehehehe...
<SomeoneElse> <F> YAAA!!! Just get back to work you!!!
<MyAlias> <X> Well how should I know what to do if you are only giving me
insults instead of real feedback!
<Cutey-Honey> <F> I'm not insulting you, I'm just telling you to go back to
work!
<SomeoneElse> <F> I TOLD you I liked the flower stroking. Isn't that feedback
good enough for you?
<MyAlias> <X>*Grumbles and goes back to work and listens to any moans of
pleasure.*
<Cutey-Honey> And somewhere, ElephantGirl is shaking her head, going "How did I
get mixed up with these people?!"
<ElephantGirl> Took the words right outta my mouth.
<MyAlias> She was the one that roped me into the L/G before. Poor innocent
Gourry!!
<SomeoneElse> <whistles> She's one of us...she knows it.. We just have to make
her admit
<ElephantGirl> Thbbbpppppttt.
<Cutey-Honey> *sprays Citrus Zest at Else* :P
<SomeoneElse> <F> That's it... *moans with pleasure*
<Mas&gas> <X>*Continues to massage and stroke.* Do you think it's time that we
try the next thing? You are pretty dewy now.
<ElephantGirl> <F> No.. don't stop...
<SomeoneElse> <X> Massages a bit more
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Are you *sure* you don't want to move on? This is getting a
bit boring for me...
<MyAlias> <X> Do you want me to glide another finger in? We should be getting
ready for the next level.
<SomeoneElse> <X> *Listens to Filia moaning* Now don't you think it's really
time we worked on my 'manhood' again?
<Cutey-Honey> <X> Ummm... *sweatdrop* Are you listening to me? Filia?
<SomeoneElse> <F> But.. I want to keep doing this... <moans>
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *sigh* Selfish dragons...
<MyAlias> <X> Come on Filia! You should be wan my my engorged manhood right
about now! How are we supposed to join in a heavenly union if you want me to
stroke you flower all night?
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *glare* I'll kick that weird 'manhood' thing if you don't stop
complaining...
<MyAlias> <F> *Moans.* You can also...*Moans.* go back to suckling it a bit if
you want!!
<SomeoneElse> <X> I have an idea.. I'll continue doing this, but <flips himself
about> Only if you return the favor! ^_^
<MyAlias> <F> Get that thing out of my face!!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *whining* But Filiaaa! You're so selfish!
<SomeoneElse> <F> *sighs* Alright then...
<Cutey-Honey> <F> *grumble* Stupid, self-serving Mazoku...
<MyAlias> <X> Come on Filia! Stop neglecting me! Have you even tried to kiss me
once! I'm doing all the work. *Sigh.* Then again you have to expect a monster to
be the only one to really get results!
<MyAlias> <F> *Eye twitrching.* Results! I'll show you results now give me that
shaft!
<Cutey-Honey> <X> eep!
<SomeoneElse> <F> Well! You'd better not stop now! *rubs harder*
<MyAlias> <X> *Scared.* Filia? You have to be gentle with those th-- AHHH...
<MyAlias> <X> ^_________^
<MyAlias> <F> *Pauses.* Hey! Don't slack off just because I'm touching your
funny-looking thing!
<MyAlias> <X> It's fascinating not funny looking!
<SomeoneElse> <X> *Eeep! *strokes Filia again*
<Cutey-Honey> <X> *grumbles, goes back to what he was doing, looking secretly
satisfied with himself when she's not looking*
<SomeoneElse> <X> *does NOT want her taking revenge on him right now!*
<Cutey-Honey> *laughing*
* Cutey-Honey (QUIT: *spriiiiiitz* WEEEE!
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
)
<SomeoneElse> <F> *plays furiously with the "marble shaft" not quite sure what's
so special about the shaft, but willing to keep it up as long as Xel stays
busy...
<MyAlias> <X> *Plays furiously with the "virgin door" kinda enjoying it but not
as much as him enjoying Filia' staying busy...*
<MyAlias> <X> Hey, Filia? I think it's time we moved on to the next step?
<MyAlias> <F> *Gasp* How do you know? What does the book say?
<SomeoneElse> <X> And then I'm supposed to invade you.. Do I have an Army?
<SomeoneElse> <X> Hmmm.. It says something about guiding my hips into "the most
intimate place of all" ...
<MyAlias> <F> Intimate of all places? You mean like the bathroom.
<SomeoneElse> <X> Oh! That sounds fun!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Let's do it in the shower!
<MyAlias> <F> What the heck is with these phrasing? Invade me? With what?
<SomeoneElse> <X> Well.. I WAS able to kill an entire army of dragons... I think
I should be powerful enough to invade one little ex-priestess..
<SomeoneElse> <X> "Love Surged from him to her until it simply bound them
together."
<MyAlias> <F> Can "love" even surge from a mazoku?
<SomeoneElse> <X> Hmmm.. I think we could do the surge if I stuck my finger in
the power socket while we were in the shower..
<MyAlias> <F> *Growl* You are really killing the mood by pointing that out! And
"LOVE" is supposed to surge from you! Not an electrical surge!!
<MyAlias> <X> But what about that part about "a bolt of electricity ran straight
through her core." See!
<MyAlias> <F> Electricity doesn't bond ppl.
<MyAlias> <X> It does if they were made out of plastic!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Ok.. let's try another page... Here's it says I push into your
passage..... you gasp... and I slide into you...
<SomeoneElse> <X> Which passage?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Maybe the one behind the door Namagomi!
<SomeoneElse> <X> This one? *tweaks his finger inside of her*
<MyAlias> <F>Eep!
<SomeoneElse> <X> I think we can assume that's the right passage then <leers>
<MyAlias> <X> First I position myself... *Rearrangement happens.* Then I press
the crown of my engorged manhood against the door... So? Should I knock or come
right in?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Well... What does it say?
<MyAlias> <X> It goes on a bit that you should be scared of the pain but wanting
this moment of completion between us, blah blah blah...
<MyAlias> <X> So Do you really want it?
<SomeoneElse> <X> "Then, without any further delay he thrust forward, breaking
her virginity and claiming her as his alone in the most primitive way. "
<MyAlias> <F> What's this bit of about claiming me? You aren't going to put a
flag in me are you?
<SomeoneElse> <X> *worried* I don't have a flag!
<MyAlias> <X> Then again *leers.* I do have a pole!
<SomeoneElse>;F&g;F> You want to put *that* gross thing into me?
<MyAlias> <F> Wait! What do you mean claiming?!
<MyAlias> <X> Well in most cultures, the first person you mate with is your mate
for life. Now with much further ado...*Spreads her legs.*
<SomeoneElse> <F> But! ....
<MyAlias> <F> *Has a sudden vision of swinging on a porch swing, with Elderly
Xellos (like he will ever age!) who pulls out a bouquet of flowers...
<Mas&gas> ...and has a couple of frogs jump out of them!*
<SomeoneElse> <X> Isn't this what you wanted?
<MyAlias> <F> Wait! We might want to think about this! What does the book say at
the end"?
<MyAlias> <X> You have us trying this stuff out and you haven't read until the
end?!!
<SomeoneElse> <F> Well I did... I just didn't remember all these details in the
middle!
<MyAlias> <F> So do they stay together at the end?
<MyAlias> <X> *Raises an eyebrow, a little paranoid.* Why do you ask? Do you
REALLY want me to stay?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Well... I..
<SomeoneElse> <F> I don't exactly want you doing this to me and then leaving!
How do I know you're not just using me?
<SomeoneElse> !mush
* L-sama sighs and sweeps up the remains of another poor sapometer.
<MyAlias> <X> Using you! Who went on forever about stroking their flower!?
<SomeoneElse> <F> Well you're the one who made me put that,,,*thing* in my
mouth!
<MyAlias> <X> It is not a thing! It is a fascinating engorged marble shaft of
glory!!
<SomeoneElse> <F> ^^;;
<SomeoneElse> <X> But you DID do a pretty good job with it... <leers>
<MyAlias> <F> I did?
<SomeoneElse> <X> How else do you think it got so hard?
<SomeoneElse> <F> *blushes* Oh...
<SomeoneElse> GAG!
<SomeoneElse> !mush
* L-sama sighs and sweeps up the remains of another poor sapometer.
<SomeoneElse> !mush
* L-sama sighs and sweeps up the remains of another poor sapometer.
<SomeoneElse> <F> Well you did a pretty good job too... *blushes*
<SomeoneElse> !mush
* L-sama sighs and sweeps up the remains of another poor sapometer.
<SomeoneElse> Ever wonder why it took so long for me to write my own lemon?
<MyAlias> <F> Wow! Really! I made it do that... <X> See! It is fascinating! <F>
Well I still wouldn't call it fascinating...
<MyAlias> <X> But I digress...YOU were the one to ask me to help you and then
said I was easily replaced! So if anyone is the user, it's YOU!
<SomeoneElse> <F> HEY!! You haven't been exactly unwilling here! and how do I
know you didn't just trick me into this from the start?
<MyAlias> <X>^^;... That's absurd!! Jillas and Gravos got it from a little old
lady!!
<SomeoneElse> <F> They what?? Hey! how did *YOU* know??? You DID trick me!
<MyAlias> <F> Wait a second! How do you know that Jillas and Gravos gave me
them? And which old lady!!
<MyAlias> <X> *Sweatdrops.* Oh dear oh dear, how we do get sidetracked! *Pushes
it in.*
<SomeoneElse> <F> EEEEKKK!! NAMAGOMI!!!
<SomeoneElse> <X> You got it.... *kisses
&l
<SomeoneElse> !cheesy
<SomeoneElse> Hmmmm... I think we need mmanmmand for overly cheezy lines too...
<MyAlias> <X>Itai!! *Tries to continue while avoiding mace damage until Filia's
pain is supposed to subside.*
<SomeoneElse> <F> OWW!! That hurt! ...... ....*Gasp* Now... *gasp* what does the
book *gasp* say?
<MyAlias> <X> *Grunt.* It says that the pain will subside and be replaced by
pleasure. You have to be patient! I'm working on it!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Now I "Thrust in aut uut until we both reach an earth
shattering climax!"
<SomeoneElse> <F> ... It'd better subside quickly or you're dead!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Is it subsiding yet? Maybe I shouldn't thrust quite so hard
till it does...
<MyAlias> <X> Maybe I should do some of that mound massaging and senseless
kissing while we wait? *Does so and then pauses.* Is that better?
<SomeoneElse> <F> ... Yes.. Feels better now... Do you mind doing more of that
thrusting thing?
<MyAlias> <X> *Sured.*ed.* Um, no of course not! *Begins thrusting.*
<SomeoneElse> <F> When do we "explode into a thousand pulsating, white hot
fragments??"
<SomeoneElse> <X> .... You memorized that quote???
<SomeoneElse> <F> Just shut up and thrust Namagomi!
<MyAlias> <X> Wow! That sounds really painful!
<SomeoneElse> <F> Not if it's yout ext explodes.
<MyAlias> <X> Actually it not that bad!
<MyAlias> "AWww! I wanted to explode!"-GiR from Invader ZiM
<SomeoneElse> <F> *moans* what isn't? The thrusting or the exploding? I haven't
seen you explode yet!
<MyAlias> <X> Exploding. It merely is messy.
<SomeoneElse> <F> Messy??? Well you'd darn well better stick around to help me
clean up!!! *moans* but first... finish!
<SomeoneEgt; gt; <X> Are you spiraling in ecstasy yet?
<MyAlias> <X> You really have been one with the orders tonight!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Maybe I should just stop *demonstrates* till you start being
nicer.
<MyAlias> <F> *Growl.* You had better START before I start being meaner!
<SomeoneElse> <X> Why should I do this with someone who is obviously only using
me? What do you think I am? Some cheap gigolo? *wiggles just enough Fil Filia
feels him inside, but not enough to finish things*
<MyAlias> <X> So? Are you *Opens the book.* "Aching with longing" for me to
finish?
<MyAlias> <F> No. I'm pissed off that you won't finish!! Hurry up!!
<SomeoneElse> <F> RRRr.... Give me that! *snatches book*
<SomeoneElse> <F> Now we're doing this by the book right? So I'm going to "lift
her legs and locked her ankles around his waist, drawing him deeper her her as
every thrust began to come harder and faster, causing her to gasp for breath as
a strong, overwhelming feeling began to make itself known" and you're GOING to
do your part!
<SomeoneElse> <F> *does as described.*
<SomeoneElse> <F> Thrust. NOW!!!!
<MyAlias> <X> *Nose in the air.* What if I don't?
<MyAlias> <F> *With fangs.* Then you'll be looking for a new spleen!!!
<SomeoneElse> <F> *hold up mace* Then I'm gonna introduce your 'marble shaft' to
my Fascinating Mace!
<MyAlias> <X> EEP! *Continues.* How's that?
<MyAlias> Hehehehe....
<SomeoneElse> <F> *moans* Much better! Now what does it say again?
<SomeoneElse> <X> Well.. I think I'm supposed to touch you to help things *does
so*
<SomeoneElse> <F> Ohhh!!!
<SomeoneElse> <X> And then we "Spiral into a realm of unending pleasure" You
there yet?
<MyAlias> <X> I believe we should be getting toward that explosion and cliff
thing. Also I should start kissing you some more and do stuff with my tongue
over your upper half. *Does so.*
<SomeoneElse> <X> *Feels himself getting closer and quickly reads another line
from the book* "cried out frantically, as they both lost themselves in the inferno, feeling his seed empty into her womb"
An inferno sounds good! *thrusts*
*GASP!* are you going to do that exploding thing now? Cause I think I'm starting to feel this spiral or whatever... *shuts her eyes as she 'spirals into ecstasy'
If you want... *finally lets himself 'explode into white hot fragments'*
Ok, do you think we're ready for chapter 2 now?
So we completed it for tonight... *yawn.*
*flipping some pages.* Unless you want to go through some soul bond crap...
What do you mean completed it for tonight? We only went spiraling ONCE. We need to try it again till we get ALL these interesting euphemisms! See here, in chapter 2, it says .....
And maybe we should leave them there for their long night..
* MyAlias (QUIT: Sleep is Good! Sleep is VERY good!! )
* SomeoneElse (QUIT: Hi L-sama!!!! Look! We've corrupted MyAlias now too!! THIS was a lemon! No question! BWAHAHAHA)

This fanfic can also be found at adultfanfiction.net where reviews and comments can be left in addition to e-mailing the author.

Go Back To Archive