Author:  Irk
Title:  Bind 

Bind Part One [e]
Section [b] [c] [d] [e]

Zelgadis walked from the cave to a neary river, his hand still pressed to his cheek.

Strange. He must have turned a bit in his sleep.

Putting that aside for now, the chimera set out to fish. He was taking a break from the town today. If he stayed around the locals much longer, he'd probably punch one of them.

* * *

Xelloss decided after Zelgadis went fishing, after a day had passed that point and went on into the night, the next night from the day Zelgadis went fishing, and thus about 40 hours, by his estimate, since Zelgadis went fishing [Xelloss had trouble with keeping track of time in his head, so he was very methodical about thinking about it], that this was getting boring.

Well, not really boring, just that he was...restless.

His awareness was growing a little, or at least his ability to stay awake. He could stay awake for an hour if he wanted to now, with rest before and after. That was progress. It meant that he could interact with this physical realm for a time. It really was the most dependable realm right now. In any other astral plane he couldn't tell where he was, what he was experiencing, what the rules were of the plane. All things he had taken for granted before. But the physical plane was, most of the time, stable.

And by no means was staying in a cave alone with barely enough energy to crawl halfway across its length boring. For one thing, he really couldn't manage to stay awake much longer than an hour. So he only had that long to keep himself occupied. For another, he was very good at quietly whiling away time. He was an introspective mazoku. At the very least, he could spend the time making plans for theoretical scenarios. It helped keep his mind prepared for all kinds of situations.

For another, the hallucinations kept him on his toes.

Well, not hallucinations per se. Just random times where, without warning, vision would flip over backwards and upside down, or voices from a city 100 miles away would tickle his ears, or time would run backwards for elihwa.

The times between when he was awake were annoying him. All that sleep, that cold, silent sleep, that unending, useless, tiring sleep. He could do without it.

And he wished he could move a little, too, but Zelgadis would notice and then he might have trouble.

It wasn't a big deal when the chimera had woken up the first time. He was a little weirded out by Xelloss' hand brushing up against his face, but he seemed to quickly get over it. It was easily explained away. But the second night had been a bit more trouble. Zelgadis didn't find the casual touching of his face to be grounds to kick Xelloss out of bed. But...

Zelgadis seemed to never be in the cave during the day. He was always out, fishing or hunting or collecting wood or getting water or singing to the sparrows and the bluejays or what-the-hell-ever. So Xelloss was alone all this time. Waiting for his master to come back and just be there. It was very difficult, being a solitary mazoku. Something just didn't quite fit about it. There should be a million presences in the back of his head supporting him with their mere existance. Without them, there was just silence. Coldness. Xelloss couldn't even be sure of his own existence in such emptiness.

It wasn't natural to be alone.

When Zelgadis FINALLY came back, Xelloss couldn't even talk with him. He wanted to seem like he was so fast asleep that Zelgadis wouldn't consider him a threat. Couldn't even look at Zelgadis till he felt the blankets shift next to him. He felt the chimera turn a bit, move just a little until he finally settled, finally fell asleep. Xelloss waited so long just to make sure the chimera had definitely fallen asleep. Waited and waited. Fell asleep waiting.

He woke up a few hours later and only then allowed himself to open his eyes.

There he was. Master. The only being he ever could, ever would get close to from now on.

The only thing that could console him, that could prove his existence.

Xelloss watched him for a little bit, and winced at his own adoration. Worship. That was what a master got, wasn't it? That was what Zelgadis had now. Xelloss felt the thoughts brush by him, counted the perfections he himself was listing, amazed himself. He'd never thought that much of the chimera before. Now if he didn't think the world of him, he'd punish himself for blasphemy.

And he wanted...to be close...

Because if he wasn't close...wasn't near...he was nothing.

Xelloss curled closer to Zelgadis, felt his arms yearning...his chest yearning...he had to be near. He knew better than to try to fight it. The strain of resisting would astrally rend him. This was just how it was. Part of each other. Xelloss and Zelgadis. Linked.

His arm reached out, shook from the strain of rising, from the strain of making himself lower it gently, gently over Zelgadis, over his waist. He moved closer, his chest yearning, it had to touch...to lean against Zelgadis's chest. His chest against master's chest. His master's heart beating, his own false pulse consoled by the company. So glad...so glad to be with him, to touch, to be close, near, together...

The same rush of completion came to Xelloss as when he had first touched the chimera last time. It was more complete this time, more powerful. It pulled him into sleep almost immediately, and didn't release him from that sleep until Zelgadis woke up.

That had caused the trouble. Zelgadis was naturally suspicious, and this was more than a little strange. Luckily, when he tried to question the mazoku about it, Xelloss had been so tired that he didn't even have to avoid the questions. All he could manage was a barely audible, definitely unintelligible mumble.

Zelgadis left the cave in a huff and Xelloss in the bedding. When he came back, Xelloss pretended sleep. He was in the cave all day and Xelloss still pretended sleep at the times when he wasn't actually sleeping. At one point the mazoku rolled over, flopping his arm in such a way as to explain the whole fiasco. "See? I do this all the time. Completely innocent tossing and turning. Nothing suspicious at all!" Well, he didn't actually say that. He was pretending to be asleep, after all. But when he was awake, he was restless.

For a long time, he was afraid the chimera wouldn't buy it and would sleep somewhere else, or kick Xelloss out of his bed. But no, Zelgadis crawled into the bedding and did his usual shift and turn bit. Xelloss' flopping act must have convinced him that the mazoku really was just moving a bit in his sleep.

He had to play it cool tonight. He had to...had to leave him there. He had to keep to his side. He couldn't touch him, couldn't make Zelgadis push him away because of this.

Xelloss had to restrain himself.

It was a cold night for him, a lonely night. He didn't even look at Zelgadis, couldn't bear the adoration he knew he'd feel. How could he fight the urge to be close to his master when worship sang through his mind? It hurt, gods it hurt, and he felt a part of his astral self tear from the strain -- but eventually sleep caught up to him and gave him peace.

Peace...

Peace was hours of cold silence, of loneliness, of isolation. Peace was miserable, barren. Peace lasted forever and ever, stretching on...stretching out...reaching out towards master...

Peace was master. Peace was wholeness, completion, happiness. Peace was close.

Close to master. Close to...brushing against him, rubbing, feeling. Hands soft on his face, his shoulders, collarbones, chest. Rubbing his cheek against his chest. Feeling him breathe. Putting a hand over his heart and caressing the life, the beat, hollow-sounding through the stone. Feeling that against his cheek, wrapping an arm around, pressing close but lightly, he must go lightly, if master woke up he would be displeased. You must not displease the master. Always serve master with your heart, your life, your hands. Hands. He had such well-groomed hands. Like fine quartz. They were smooth against the lips. They were not cold. They tasted of man, not rock. They tasted of the wind and the river but most of all Xelloss suppossed they tasted like Zelgadis.

One fine finger over lips and tongue and back and over and back and over and back.

So warm.

Xelloss pressed the hand against his own cheek, felt the warm palm against it. Like a carress. Like approval. He was close now. He was close and near now. But he yearned to be closer. He yearned to be whole.

Against him...he had to be against him...

Xelloss almost fainted from the rush. With his hand here and his body next to his...it was almost enough. Almost...almost enough...

He couldn't stop his hands. They wanted to touch. They wanted to run down Zelgadis's arms [lightly!] and brush against fingers and from there it was waist and hips. Waist and hips, smooth and slim, belly flat but soft. He laid his head against that belly. It was like a pillow for him, a pillow just for him, so he could rest with master. But no rest, he wanted to rub his cheek against Zelgadis, wanted to brush his lips over the depression that his belly button made. If he ran his tongue...licked...lower...

His hand snuck right where his mind had been, kneading, soft against the hardness there, harder now, growing firm under his caress. Through cloth he could feel his master, please him, oh for the first time please his master, please...please... His tongue crept out and tasted his master's belly, his hand kneaded, and kneaded, and kneaded his master just how he wanted. Xelloss tugged at his master's pants, pulled them down. It was very difficult with only one hand pulling, the other too busy to help. He kissed his master, kissed his belly, farther down as he pulled at the waistband, leaving kisses farther, mouth sinking, lower...lower...so warm. So warm down here. So warm and he was finally ready, finally able to touch him here, to kiss him here...

So smooth...

Closeness was nothing now. It was only service, serving, servant. His master's wishes came before everything else in the world. But serving in itself was bringing him closer than he'd ever been, bringing him almost to that point...almost...master was almost there, Xelloss only had to stroke him, to taste him. His tongue rubbed against the hard, smooth warmth. His lips slid over it, up and down, tongue pressing against, hands smoothing over the hips...keep him warm...so warm...

Zelgadis was so warm.

So warm...hot...soft...over him against him with him rubbing, rubbing, rubbing Zelgadis rubbing Zelgadis rubbing Zelgadis opened his eyes.

Alertness was the first to spring to the fore of his mind, as usual, but it this time was ambushed by softness. Oh gods warmth what -- soft please so warm keep --no what's going --going keep going -- but wait what is he -- he's so soft -- oh no he can't -- can't stop oh so slow please -- stop oh gods stop -- oh gods -- can't believe he -- can't believe so soft -- can't let him -- OH!!

Zelgadis gasped aloud, his hands plunging into Xelloss' hair, pulling him closer, pushing him up, pulling him down. Xelloss just took his master's command and moved with him, his tongue moving with that same rythym, his lips tightening with each moan. He was a good servant, he knew his commands, he knew what his master wanted. Perfect servant perfect service lips, tightening around pulled closer arms, wrap around pull self closer to warm, hot, taste, swallow.

So close here. So clo-

Zelgadis darted away as soon as his senses came rushing back. Bastard mazoku had -- used, played with -- lied to -- perverted, never trust -- all this time, could have been doing it for nights -- no! No! NO!

Xelloss felt his vision blur, knew that the rush was leaving him, always pulled him back to sleep, always took him with it -- shaking, shaking, shaking --

But Xelloss hadn't done anything to merit a shake.

"Liar! You bastard!"

Who, Xelloss? But he hadn't done his master any disservice! He knew! If he had, he'd be in pain now.

He didn't hurt, though. He only felt tired.

"Answer me, bastard!" Zelgadis raged, his knuckles strangling the fabric of Xelloss' shirt. "What the HELL was that, huh? Just what the hell was that?!"

"Wha-I..." Xelloss' body began to slump. "Sorry...so tired..."

"TIRED? Oh no, you're not getting away from me with that one." He watched Xelloss' body sag in his hands. "You-you can't-" He stared at the mazoku, his body still. "You can't-"

"You can't just fall ASLEEP when I want answers out of you!!"

But that's exactly what Xelloss had done.

Zelgadis stared down at the mazoku for a long time, not believing it, not believing what he'd done, what he'd woken up to. Then he screamed for a long, long time.

When that was over with, he attended to more immediate matters.

* * *

Zelgadis was tired of thinking.

He was tired of wondering what was wrong with Xelloss. He was tired of going through the endless scenarios of how he could have prevented this. He was tired of trying to figure out what he had actually done to Xelloss in that binding ceremony. He didn't want to worry about how he would sleep at night anymore. He didn't want to be so confused that he could barely see straight.

And damnit, he was tired of pacing around this cave like a caged tiger!

Zelgadis sat down. He reluctantly started to think again.

Well, at least Xelloss was dealt with. For now. The chimera had tied the mazoku's feet and hands with his swordbelts. If Xelloss decided he wanted to move again, he'd be dissappointed. It probably wouldn't happen soon. The mazoku was fast asleep, lying there with that blank expression of peace. On his back with his hands tied over his head, his legs stretched out and tied at the ankles, slim and helpless, waiting-

The chimera trounced the mental images, ground them under a mental bootheel. THAT was the mazoku's fault. Zelgadis had never thought those kinds of things about Xelloss until now! He was almost sure of it!

Sneaking up on him...accosting him when Zelgadis couldn't fight him off...night after night...Zelgadis shivered. His skin was crawling, and with stone skin this was especially unnerving.

Something had to be done. And that something would start with Xelloss. Zelgadis would get answers out of the mazoku if he had to squeeze them out with his bare hands.

* * *

Awake -- groggy, groan a little, wonder what time it is, where this is -- curl up, no don't sleep now -- stretch out, rub eyes -- rub eyes -- rub eyes...

Open eyes...

Why -- Xelloss looked at his hands -- Why am I tied...Zelgadis...this is his belt...why did Zelgadis...feet too...he's tied me up.

Xelloss bit his lip.

I've done something wrong.

"Finally decided to wake up, did you?" Xelloss looked up. His master was standing over him.

...he looks so, so angry...

"I want answers." Zelgadis glared at his servant, the mazoku flinching away from the cold glint of sapphire. "You've been toying with me all this time, playing a little game with me, and I won't have it. I want answers and you will give them to me." The chimera's face was utterly grim. "Don't try to squirm out of this one, Xelloss."

Xelloss couldn't move, wouldn't dare. He only managed to squeeze the words out by imagining how Zelgadis would treat him if he fell completely out of favor. Alone and despised. That's how Xelloss would live. "Please, master, tell me what I did wrong." Xelloss forced back more pleadings, babbled apologies. Zelgadis would only hate him for that.

"...What you did wrong." Zelgadis's eyes narrowed. "You're just going to keep playing with me. Fine. I knew it would take more than reason to make you talk."

"Please! Please, master, I'm sorry I caused you any troubles, but I didn't mean to do anything! I don't even know why you're angry, but I swear I'll do whatever it takes to redeem myself, whatever you command-"

Zelgadis's face darkened. "Shut up."

Xelloss' ceased his pleas immediately. He looked up at Zelgadis, kept his face somber, tried to keep his shoulders from shaking.

"Good. At least you follow orders well." He stepped back, giving Xelloss a berth of about 4 feet. "Now. I have another order for you." His face remained as grim as ever. "Attack yourself astrally."

Xelloss knew not to fight it, knew that resisting orders would only hurt him more. He curled his body as he readied a dart. Just focusing the energy in his condition made his mind lurch. It was black, pure black, made of his own grey self but compact, small, terrifyingly sharp, and too fast for Xelloss to flinch away from as it ripped the grey veils of his soul as if they were paper.

Zelgadis watched the mazoku's body shake, watched him squirm against the leather bonds, watched him convulse a little, then go slack. He smiled a little as Xelloss began to shake again. It gave the impression that he was attacking himself over and over, which was a nice touch. But Zelgadis knew it was a lie. Even if the mazoku could attack himself [which was silly], he'd have cried out at least once by now. That proved it, then. Xelloss' servitude to Zelgadis was just another ruse. He'd been acting all this time. Probably the mazoku had some devious plan that this was all a part of. The chimera was relieved, actually. He'd been really worried about what he would do with Xelloss. Now the mazoku wasn't his responsibility. And a good thing, too. After all, if the only order Xelloss could follow was to stay quiet-

Zelgadis's eyes widened.

"Xelloss! You can speak!! That's my comm-"

Xelloss let out a scream that would give Zelgadis nightmares for years.

The chimera scrambled to Xelloss' side, flashing to his astral vision. "Stop! Stop attacking, Xelloss! I order you to stop!!" The mazoku's body went limp again, but with a stillness that was more final than before.

Zelgadis worked in a frenzy, sent astral energy out as he flew through the veils searching for tears. It was much harder to repair them than Zelgadis ever would have assumed. They resisted his energy, sent it sliding off like rain over glass. With persistance he managed to finally make it stick, sealing cuts in a way that was clumsy but at least effective. He finally pulled away from Xelloss and slumped, almost spent.

"Xelloss..." Zelgadis took a deep breath and then slowly let it out. "Xelloss, what are you hiding from me? Just tell me. Please. I don't want to hurt you again." A part of Zelgadis felt completely wretched for using this terrible slip-up as leverage, but another more rational part thought it was only fair.

"Master, I..." Xelloss looked away. He was having much more trouble with speech than Zelgadis had. "I let you think that I would recover...that after a week...I'd be my normal self again. But that's not -- that's not true. I can't fully heal from this...my soul can't ascend to the proper planes anymore...I'm a little crazy. I -- I'll be able to walk...to travel...with you..."

"No. Not with me, Xelloss."

"Master, I'm sorry, I...I can't just leave you and not be your servant because you command it. I can't...I'm not made that way, I'll still be your servant, just farther away and -- and -- " Xelloss whimpered. "I'll just die if I can't be near you! If my master isn't a part of me then I'll -- I'll..."

Zelgadis looked down at the floor, at the rock, at the tiny grains in the rock. "You made me your master because you can't live without one, can you? Mazoku aren't made any other way. But having me for a master isn't the same as having a mazoku master."

Xelloss nodded, his chest shaking. "Zelas was always a part of me. But you -- your astral energy filled what was missing, but your astral soul is different. It's not as flexible. I have to be close...to be so close..."

Zelgadis's eyes flashed. His gaze darted to Xelloss. "Is THAT why you accosted me?!"

The mazoku looked up at him, silent for a few moments. "You...you didn't want...I thought you wanted-"

"Don't worry about it." Zelgadis climbed to his feet. "Just...just don't worry about it for now, rest awhile. I'll -- I'll talk about it when...after I've had a moment to think..." He dug his fingers into his hair, squeezed the wire strands for dear life. "Sleep, Xelloss. Just sleep, and I'll go think for awhile, and calm down, and I'll come back when I know I can talk about this. Sleep."

Xelloss, obedient as always, drifted off into blackness as he watched his master's body become silhouetted in the mouth of the cave. He was asleep before Zelgadis even stepped out.

* * *

It took some time, and a lot of thought, but after spending a few hours sitting by the stream and staring at the swirling water, Zelgadis had come to his conclusions.

The first was that he had treated Xelloss poorly, no matter how much the mazoku deserved it.

The second was that whether or not Xelloss had been honest about it, the mazoku was in a bad state and was unable to take care of himself.

The third was that Zelgadis, through this strange series of events, had been given complete control of Xelloss' life.

The fourth was that Zelgadis didn't want any part in this and he wanted Xelloss out of his hair.

Arriving at this set of conclusions hadn't taken as long as Zelgadis had thought. Coming up with a solution, however...

What happened with Xelloss had scared him. Zelgadis didn't even mean to do it. He'd just given the order so that he could show Xelloss that he knew the mazoku was lying about his servitude. He'd let his hopes control his logic. And he'd let Xelloss go on hurting himself for far too long before he finally stopped him. His anger at Xelloss, at what he'd been in the past and what he'd done in the present, was extremely dangerous.

Zelgadis had to admit that, if he weren't in this situation, he probably wouldn't have been sad to hear that Xelloss died. Maybe he would have felt a tiny bit of loss because Xelloss was an occasional traveling partner, but the mazoku was far TOO occasional -- and damn annoying when he DID show up. Being responsible for his death, though, with no cause and no possible way it could be in self-defense...that chilled Zelgadis. Murderer. He could be Xelloss' murderer.

He didn't even have to kill him, really... all Zelgadis had to do was take off. Xelloss was bound to the cave. He'd waste away without the chimera around, and Zelgadis would never have to think about it.

...That was a ghastly thought. Zelgadis winced and chucked a rock into the stream. The ripples were hard to track in the rushing current, but Zelgadis could see a few of them.

Ahh, that age-old metaphor. Any action Zelgadis took set off its own ripples, whether or not he meant to, and whether or not the current was slow enough to track them. Xelloss had taken his precautions. While Zelgadis had been annoyed at him for it then, right now the chimera couldn't be more thankful that the mazoku had done so. But no matter how cleverly he planned this, eventually he and Zelgadis were going to get caught. And it wouldn't matter what Xelloss' intentions were, or whether Zelgadis had meant to do any of this. None of that would matter.

They had to go, and they had to go fast.

Go where? I'm already in the middle of one impossible quest!

Back to the beginning. Back to how to fix things. Zelgadis wished he could undo the spell himself. But he couldn't do this alone. He was too close to Xelloss now, his energies too mixed with the mazoku's. Someone else would have to help pull them apart. Someone else would have to help Zelgadis come up with a solution that left Xelloss functional and whole. He needed a magical genius.

"The only other person would have been Lina herself...and I doubt she would have been nearly as calm about things as you."

Zelgadis stared ahead in silent repose for a full minute, then blinked. So obvious. The answer was so obvious. And now that Xelloss wasn't under Zelas's will, Lina would be safe from him. [Though the mazoku didn't exactly pose much of a threat right now.] Lina would have a solution. She always had a solution.

It was a goal, something to reach for. A quest.

Zelgadis was good at quests.

* * *

END Bind Part One
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