Chapter Selection

Zelgadiss sat beside the window in his room and looked out into the darkness, trying desperately not to think, and failing.

There was no cure.

He would be a freak forever.

He would never be...

Be what? He couldn't finish that thought.

It didn't matter, what he'd spent the last few years of his life searching for was a myth.

And Xellos had...

Xellos...

He closed his eyes and leaned his head gently against the cold glass of the window. What should he do now?

Gourry had the Sword of Light.

He was needed for some sort of ritual, he was a spell component, that was all. What kind of purpose was that?

Had Xellos..?

No! He couldn't think like that, he couldn't!

He realized he was crying and sat up again so that he could wipe the tears away.

"Zel-chan?" the voice was soft and unsure, Zelgadiss turned just as Xellos appeared in the room. "Zel-chan, are you all right?"

Zelgadiss laughed bitterly, "Do you think I'm all right? Give me a break Xellos, I could feed an army of mazoku right now, you must be stuffed."

Xellos winced, "I can't change what I am Zel-chan."

"And apparently, neither can I."

"I didn't want you to know."

"That's not what it sounded like."

"You don't understand."

"I don't want to understand. What do you think you're doing anyway? Making things better? You're making it worse!"

Xellos looked at the floor, "Zel-chan--"

"Don't call me that! I don't want... Get out." He finally
snarled.

Xellos met his gaze for the first time since coming into the room, sorrow and determination clear in his eyes, "No, I can't leave you like this."

"Fine, then I'll leave." Zelgadiss pushed past him, ignoring it when Xellos called his name, and slammed the door as he left the room.

For lack of a better destination he went down to the dining room again. He couldn't stay there though, he couldn't bear to face the sympathy he saw in his friend's eyes. Instead, he walked out the front door and headed towards a clump of trees, loosing himself in the darkness.

It would be so easy to give into his sorrow, but his own stubborn nature refused to let him. He sat down with his back against a tree and looked up towards the stars through the veil of his tears.

"Zelgadiss-san?"

He looked up with surprise as Danlineus appeared beside him. The yousei was the last person he expected to see.

"You don't have to worry Danlineus," he said, "I won't do something stupid and wreck your chances of resurrecting your God."

"That's not my concern at the moment Zelgadiss-san."

Zelgadiss scoffed.

"It's true," Danlineus sat down beside him. "I'm actually here because Amelia-sama is concerned about you."

"Of course."

"I don't know you as well as they do, I don't know why this bothers you so much."

"What? How can you not? I'm a freak."

Danlineus smiled, "Inside or out?"

"What?"

"Your appearance is unusual, but it is the only drawback I can see to your current condition."

"You're nuts, you obviously don't understand."

"Then explain it to me."

"I..." he paused and tried to put his thoughts in order, "I look like a monster."

"You care so much about appearances then?"

"I don't, it's other people."

"What other people? I have been travelling with you for over three months. Lina-san draws more attention than you do. On this note, most of it appears to be in your head."

Zelgadiss was quiet for a few moments. He reluctantly admitted that Danlineus was right, at least when he was travelling with Lina and the others.

"What else?"

"It was the only goal I've had since Rezo cursed me."

"Is it necessary to have a goal all the time? Adventure always seems to come to you, I am sure you will find a new quest before long, why not enjoy your current freedom?"

"No one can... no one can..."

"You can't finish that sentence because you know it is no longer true, and that is what you should be looking at now."

"What do you mean?"

"Was it really your cure you were searching for, or something you thought that cure could bring you?"

Zelgadiss was silent as he thought that over.

"You have what you were looking for Zelgadiss-san."

"No, I don't." Zelgadiss growled, standing and turning away from the yousei. "Maybe I thought I did, but he..."

"Has he explained?"

"I don't want to listen to any explanations."

"Now that is being juvenile." Danlineus scolded as he stood, "You chose a mazoku as your lover Zelgadiss-san, are you truly aware of what that means?" When Zelgadiss didn't answer, Danlineus turned and walked back towards the inn without another word.

Did he know what it meant? He'd always said he did, but now?

He still hurt, but it was only the pain of Xellos cruelty felt now, and there was only one person who could take it away.

Or increase it until it killed him.

Zelgadiss returned to the inn.

Xellos sat on the floor in the center of the inn room, watching his tears as they hit the floor. It had been so long since the last time he had cried, he'd forgotten how much it hurt.

It was over, Zelgadiss must surely hate him again. He had caused it, but he hadn't wanted to.

He shouldn't have tried to make things better, he would get in trouble for it.

Or, maybe not, he had failed after all.

The door to the room opened, but he could not bring himself to look up. There was a long silence, then the sound of footsteps crossing the room, and finally, a stony hand brushed the tears from his cheeks.

"Why Xellos?" Zelgadiss asked him, "Please tell me why."

Xellos looked up and saw the pain in Zelgadiss' eyes, he felt ashamed again. "Much as I wish it were otherwise, my life is not my own Zel-chan."

"Zellas."

"Yes. She ordered me to remove Talis' hold over me, and that hold was more than just the information I was hiding."

"He can still use me to get to you."

"Exactly. You are hard to kill Zel-chan, but it is not impossible, and you can be made to suffer."

"I'm your weakness."

Xellos nodded.

"But if you were supposed to separate from me, why are you here now?"

Xellos looked down at the floor again. "I couldn't do it. She will not be pleased, but I couldn't do it. I'm sorry Zel-chan," the words sounded pathetic, even to his ears, "I'm so sorry Zel-chan, I never wanted to hurt you."

"But I am hurting Xellos," Zelgadiss whispered, and Xellos felt his hand upon his cheek again, "Make it better."

"Zel-chan?" He looked up at his lover uncertainly and saw the need in his eyes. "Hai." He pulled the chimera to him gently, holding him tightly to his body for a moment before seeking out his lover's lips and felt Zelgadiss soften against him. Still holding him tightly, Xellos stood slowly and lead Zelgadiss over to the bed where he began to remove the chimera's clothes, stroking the exposed skin reverently as he did so. "You are so beautiful," he whispered and he lowered the chimera onto the bed. "The sight of you fills me with such a fierce longing, I want to make you completely mine."

"Yes." Zelgadiss whispered as Xellos began kissing the side of his neck, his gloved hands moving over the chimera's chest until Zelgadiss caught his hands and pulled the soft fabric off.

Xellos climbed onto the bed, settling himself between Zelgadiss' legs and letting his cloak drift over their bodies, concealing them as he lowered his mouth and caught one of Zelgadiss' nipples, feeling the chimera arch against him in pleasure. He continued to gently tease his lover with his mouth and hands, slowly rocking his hips against Zelgadiss', feeling the heat of the chimera's body through the fabric of his pants as he pressed himself against his lover's growing arousal.

Zelgadiss moaned as his hands clutched at Xellos' shoulders, burying themselves in the silken fabric of his cloak. Xellos smiled and increased the rocking motion until he could feel Zelgadiss returning it. Only then did he slide lower, using his mouth to caress the chimera's skin as he sought out his lover's shaft, slowly licking down it's hard length before taking it into his mouth and sucking lightly.

Zelgadiss thrust his hips into Xellos' mouth as the mazoku sucked and stroked, teasing with his tongue until the chimera released into his mouth with a strangled cry. Xellos swallowed quickly, running his tongue along the inside of Zelgadiss' legs when he was finished in order to hear the chimera moan again.

"Xellos," Zelgadiss whispered, grabbing the mazoku's cloak and using the fabric to pull him back up along his body. As soon as he was close enough, Zelgadiss captured his lips against and began to pull his clothes off, letting the concealing cloak fall to the floor, forgotten. It didn't take him very long to remove the rest; Xellos smiled fondly at that, remembering how frustrated the chimera had been their fist time.

He kissed Zelgadiss deeply, rubbing their bare bodies together, feeling the chimera's renewed excitement brushing along the inside of his leg. He tried to roll over so that Zelgadiss was on top of him, but the chimera refused to let him.

"No." He whispered, taking Xellos' hand and bringing it up to his lips, kissing the palm gently.

"Zel-chan?" Xellos was confused, until Zelgadiss slowly began sucking on his fingers causing him to gasp in surprise.

"Make me yours." Zelgadiss whispered when Xellos' hand was freed once again, arching his hips into the mazoku's body in invitation. Xellos groaned at the exquisite feeling and the rush of heat it sent through his already burning body. As gently as he could, he slid his slick fingers into Zelgadiss' body, moving them with care both to prepare the chimera and to please him. Zelgadiss' eyes drifted shut and his head tilted back on the pillows, his face relaxed in pure ecstasy.

"You're beautiful," Xellos breathed, watching his lover, his love, with wonder. Zelgadiss' eyes open just the barest amount,

"Xellos, please."

Responding to the quiet plea, Xellos removed his fingers and positioned himself, entering Zelgadiss with all the care he could muster. Need overcame his control shortly however, as his thrust increased in speed, driving his deeper in to his lover's warm, welcoming body.

His release was swift and sudden, racing through his body with an intensity which surprised him and almost allowed his defenses to drop. He held his mouth tightly shut as he collapsed next to Zelgadiss, holding back the words that were screaming inside of him. He had made that confession earlier while under the influence of the yousei's spell, he would not make that same mistake now, not when Zelgadiss' had apparently not heard him.

"Xellos?" Zelgadiss wrapped his arms around the mazoku and Xellos realized that his body was trembling. With effort he calmed himself, then looked up into Zelgadiss' blue eyes, finding them clear of pain and filled with a deep happiness.

"Zel-chan? Are you all right?"

"Yes Xellos, I'm fine now." He smiled, a somewhat secretive smile, but Xellos didn't question it.

"Good" he whispered instead, kissing his lover again, holding Zelgadiss as the chimera drifted off to sleep. He wearily pulled the blankets around them, then relaxed back into his lover's embrace.

He still had Zelgadiss, he hadn't lost him after all, he was happy. It was worth any price just to have that knowledge. His last thought before falling asleep was to wonder exactly what price Zellas was going to force him to pay.

"It would seem that your minion has decided to rebel." The Mountain King said smugly, sipping his glass of Fairy Wine.

"It doesn't matter," Zellas replied, drawing lightly on her cigarette, "The point was to give the chimera something to hold onto in place of his cure. Love will do just as well as hate, indeed, it may be more suited to our purpose."

The Mountain King chuckled, "Adapting your plans to accept the unexpected, admirable. Still, will it not make things more difficult later on? You know what is required for our success."

"It will effect nothing, by the time the sacrifice is required it will be to late for any of them to stop it. Our plans will not fail."

"If you say so Zellas-sama." The Mountain King said with a smirk, then vanished in a shower of silver light.

"Our plans will not fail." Zellas repeated, her voice drifting with the cigarette smoke into the endless darkness above.