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Chapter Selection
I stand on a low cliff, looking out onto a valley that is slowly fading from view as the sun vanishes from the sky. It's a beautiful view, I appreciate it, but I appreciate the presence I feel appear behind me even more. I turn to look at Xellos, he stands apart from me, waiting, as he has every night for the past month. It's interesting, this side of him, I have never thought of him as being passive, but he can be, and always is with me. I walk forward with a smile, and pull him into my arms, kissing his neck slowly, feeling him hold his breath. He's fighting me in his own way, or in his mind, he is fighting the bond between us. I know that it is not the reason he eventually gives in every night, but I don't see the need to tell him that, not yet.
He slips his arms around my waist with a sigh and I smile against his neck. I love the feeling of his surrender, perhaps it's a remnant of our previous relationship, but I can't help but enjoy the power I have over him now. I wonder if he minds it, he must if he continues to fight. I put it out of my mind as I strip his clothes from his body while he returns the favour. The wind passes over our naked bodies as I lower him to the ground and lie on top of him. He presses himself up against me and I moan. I may have power over him, but I have to admit that he holds the same amount of control over me. I cannot be near him without reacting, and I long for him when he is absent whether it is night or not. I should be disturbed by that I suppose, but I'm not, and so I choose to ignore it as well.
My hands drift over his pale body, finding the spots that I long ago learned pleasure him the most, I am eager for moans, eager to drink in every sound he makes in response to my touch. Before I earn even a whisper from him however, another sound catches our attention, a startled gasp coming from the trees behind us. I twist my body to look, parting from Xellos reluctantly, and see Amelia standing at the tree line, starting at us with shock. There is a long, profound silence, and then she turns and runs into the bushes, calling for Lina the entire way.
"Damn," I mutter under my breath, "That definitely killed the mood. I suppose we'll have to go talk to them now."
"And what will you tell them?" He asks me lightly as we reach for our clothes. His voice sounds a little funny, but it could be because we were so rudely interrupted for the first time since our relationship began.
"The truth, or at least some of it. We'll just tell them that we're lovers."
"You're not going to tell them that we're bonded together."
"No, that would be stupid." He gives me a questioning look and I explain, "Should Amelia's infatuation ever become obsession, I would really not like finding myself tied to a tree some Beltane evening in the near future."
Xellos chuckled. "Imagine that, then you would be tied to her instead of me, and how would you react to that?"
His tone again, I turn to look at him, but he is smiling at
me with his cheerful mask, I can tell nothing from his expression.
"Come now Zel-kun we'd best go find the others before Amelia tells them some mixed up version of events." I follow him as we make our way back to the camp. He is silent during the short walk, as am I, and we are therefore able to hear Amelia's sobbing voice before reaching the point where the others can see us.
"He must've put him under some sort of spell, I know it!"
"Amelia, you're not making any sense, WHAT was Xellos doing to Zel?"
"They were, they were--"
"We were just starting the horizontal tango." Xellos filled in cheerfully as we reached the camp earning a blush from everyone else in our group, including me. "Unfortunately Amelia-san stopped us before we could really get going, it's such a pity too, Zel-kun is a VERY good dancer."
I'm starting to think that this is the reason I didn't want to tell the others about our relationship.
"What did you do to him?" Amelia demanded, sounding quite outraged.
"Do you really want all the details Amelia-chan, I'd be quite happy to provide them for you."
Amelia's colour darkened, "I mean what sort of spell did you put him under?" she stammered, a little off balance now. She should know better than to play word games with Xellos, he's had far too much practice.
"I didn't put him under any spell Amelia-san, I assure you that he comes to me quite willingly, every single time."
That tone is back, but I really don't have the chance to worry about it as my other friends cry in unison,
"EVERY SINGLE TIME!?"
"Zelgadiss-san?" Amelia asks me, her breaking heart apparent in her eyes. I nod,
"Xellos and I are lovers Amelia, by choice, we have been for a month now." I can almost see the exact point when her illusions shatter, and then she runs from the camp.
"Don't worry Zel, I'll talk to her." Lina says getting up, "She'll be okay." She winks and gives me a nudge as she passes by, "You sly devil, I never thought you'd go for it, good for you." I blush as she leaves the clearing, then turn to look back at Xellos and Gourry. The blond looks a little embarrassed, but he gets over it quickly and falls asleep. I have to admit, he adapts to new situations quickly, I wonder if it's because he forgets what the old situation was.
"By choice?" Xellos asks me softly, that tone back in his voice.
"It worked didn't it?"
"Hmm, indeed."
"Xellos?"
"Nothing Zel-kun, I need to think a little more, that's all."
Those words disturb me a bit and I don't know why. We are silent until Lina and Amelia return. Amelia's eyes are swollen and bloodshot, but she is smiling. The façade would have worked if it was reflected in those poor eyes, but I appreciate her gesture.
"I'm sorry I ran off Zelgadiss-san, I am glad that you're happy."
"Thank you Amelia, I appreciate that."
"Good night." She curls up under her blanket, I don't know if she actually falls asleep, but I pretend that she does. I feel a little guilty, but I can change neither her heart nor mine. She will recover, I am certain of that, and so I rest easy.
"Well then," Lina says with a stretch, "I guess I'll just turn in too and leave you lovebirds alone. Try not to be too loud okay, the rest of us would like to get some rest."
I'm blushing again, how does she do that? Silence falls around the camp once more as Lina drifts off to sleep. I look at Xellos only to find him watching me with a serious expression; I don't understand his mood tonight. Since there's nothing else to do, I unfold my blankets and take off my cloak before crawling under them. I turn towards Xellos again and hold out my hand, but he vanishes from beside the fire only to reappear in a tree on the opposite side of the camp.
His rejection hurts more than I thought. I roll onto my side and pull the blankets up to my chin, trying to get some sleep. I don't succeed. I've grown used to having Xellos' warm body next to me at night. Grown used to having his arms around me and being able to bury my face in the soft skin of his neck. I give up trying early in the morning, we notice that he is gone when it is time to eat breakfast.
We stop at an inn that night, I'm glad, I want the privacy. The moon vanishes from my view, and still he doesn't appear. The pain begins in my chest, and he doesn't appear, not even when my limbs go numb and my vision blurs. I collapse when it becomes difficult to breathe; and land on a familiar body that has appeared in time to fall with me. I can hear his breathing coming in rough gasps as the status of my body returns to normal. I'm lying on top of him, it can't be comfortable, but I'm not really in a mood to care. As soon as I'm able I raise myself up on my arms and glare down at him,
"Xellos, what the hell did you think you were doing?"
He shoves me roughly away from him, "Testing."
"Testing what? You know what the bond does."
"No Zel-kun," his voice is angry and mocking, this was the tone I sensed in him last night, he is furious with me. "I don't know what the bond does, at least, I do not know as much about it as you apparently do."
"What are you talking about? You're the one who told me about the fucking bond."
"And you're the one who didn't so much as blink when Amelia-san was able to 'kill the mood' last night."
Oh, so that was what this was about. I always wondered how he would react to the knowledge that he was surrendering on his own. I just never thought I would be so angry at his reaction.
"Maybe because I don't feel the need to delude myself, I know what I am doing when I'm with you."
He glares at me, his open eyes shooting daggers as he rises and approaches me. "I know exactly what I'm doing with you Zel-kun, if I didn't, you wouldn't cry my name so loudly or spill your seed so quickly when I touch you."
"But do you know why you're doing it?" I stand as well, feeling the rage rush through me, a fire so close to passion that it startles me, "Do you know why you spread your thighs and let me ride you into ecstasy?"
We're close enough now that he can grab me, and he does, pulling our bodies together roughly, pressing his arousal against my pelvis, igniting my own even as he growls his answer, "Lust." He presses his mouth down against mine, trying to dominate but I refuse to let him, forcing my tongue into his mouth and grabbing his head by the hair, pulling him closer, which is all it takes. Our clothes are removed quickly, ripped to shreds deliberately by the both of us. We fall onto the bed, twisting on the sheets, hands roaming over each others bodies, scraping not caressing, the pleasure spots we have discovers are attacked not teased as our mouth trace path with bites instead of kisses. This isn't love, it isn't even sex, it's a battle. Different from the ones we used to have, but so close in principal. The goal is the same, to come out on top, literally this time.
I achieve that position, but he wraps his legs around me, pulling me into his body before I am ready, before he is prepared, the battle is not over yet. My thrusts into him are rough and sharp, driven in reaction to his hands pressing sharply into my back, his mazoku strength harming even my stone skin. The war finally ends in a tie as we both clamp our mouths shut against the cries that threaten to burst from our throats, then collapse on the soaking sheets that lay rumpled beneath us.
The climax leaves me feeling hollow and I roll away from Xellos, lying with my back to him, staring into the darkness of the room. I had thought that rape was the worst way sex could be used to hurt another person, but I think that would have been easier to bear than this. I can't condemn his actions for mine were exactly the same. We were both so intent to hurt, to win, to prove our freedom from each other. I can feel tears forming in my eyes, but I will not cry, will not give him that victory anymore than I would give him the other, and I hate myself for it.
He is gone the second the sun rises and I finally allow the tears to fall unheeded onto the pillow.
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